2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
This is suggested all the time as some kind of one of the keys to happiness.
Different ways
Broadcast in different ways
"Don't have expectations of others - it's counterproductive."
"By forming expectations from the other, you hurt yourself when, or if the other does not meet them."
"Be open and react according to what is happening here and now without waiting."
And then you can display a dozen more of these statements about the absence of a person's expectations in relation to another person, as a sign of a healthy personality, but I'm too lazy
So that's what I mean
If we are sensitive to the history of human development, then we will understand a little on what the actions of our ancestors were based on - in a critical situation, a situation of threat
And situations of desire for rapprochement
From experience, of course
Previous
And also, on facial expressions, kinesthetic information of the body and actions that consisted of some kind of movement - threatening or not
Facial expressions are the same for all people.
Except for those who have surgically worked on their face
Hatred, disgust, joy, surprise, hope, grief, tenderness - we all manifest these experiences in the same way - mimically and physically
And we focus on this when looking at others when we meet
And then, on the one hand, expectations from the other, which took shape from life experience (it can be highly exclusive), are based largely on security.
sometimes Only on her, impoverishing my life (because the experience is highly exclusive)
And on the other hand, they are simply a landmark in the space of a sea of people - well, somehow you need to understand who is what, at least roughly - this automatically happens, no matter how long you treat in therapy;) - since this is an a priori landmark to survive - to assume the actions of another in relation to me
And there are also universal ways of waiting, automatic -
in addition to the reactions of life experience (developmental history), there is also generational knowledge built into the instinct of self-preservation (which is also part of the history), which are also based on safety and the desire to continue in another (earlier in the continuation of the Kin, wait, it was just a good life for the Shoba)
And, if we follow the urbanistic life of a person today, it is recommended not to react archaically, from automatic experience
For, according to psychotherapeutic interventions that perhaps, if you do this, you will behave without any expectations from the other - it will be kind of warmer
It can and will be warmer
Or maybe this is all, and love will happen and a friend can be met
Or you can scoop it off with pussies, without expectations, ignoring the archaic bells
Or maybe not
And here it is important, of course, to take into account your experience, and also not to deny the wisdom of ancient ancestors sewn into the body (not one lion was bypassed, epta)
And, the willingness to slow down in their reactions, and even built-in (automatic), even acquired (developed), even a priori (a gift from ancestors)
And own it all - choosing without devaluing your expectations
They do not arise in vain, our expectations from others
They carry a huge stream of information
They care about our safety, our expectations
They talk about our desires - honestly
They disappoint us, expanding this world wider for us
And it is not always necessary to get rid of them in therapy.
At least not from everyone
Because psychotherapy is only part of this Big Life
Not all
Well and more
it is impossible, having lived so much Life, it does without expectations in relation to others at all
It is possible only by stopping to interact with people like yourself.
Become dead or inaccessible to others
Which is basically the same
After all, without expectations, we are not very accessible for ourselves either)
Trust yourself, no matter how difficult your experience is.
After all, in order to remove what may not be so productive now in your life, you need to work out something else, which will replace the previous experience
It takes time
And strength
And people
And resources
In the meantime, this has preserved and preserves you, hasn't it?)
Recommended:
Six Years Of Therapy. Expectations And Reality
I didn’t become perfectly healthy, ideally beautiful, rich and successful, I didn’t marry the perfect prince, my parents didn’t become perfect. My life has remained normal. But have I become happy in this ordinary life? Yes! This August 6 years of therapy.
THE WORLD VERY OFTEN DOES NOT MEET OUR EXPECTATIONS
The world very often does not live up to our expectations. This simple reality is very difficult to bear if hopes and expectations from it persist - in support, acceptance, recognition. The same given is more easily transferred if there is an internal resource for self-acceptance, faith in oneself, and self-support.
High Expectations
Nowadays it has become fashionable for a disappointed person to say "you had high expectations." You know, expectations are not always high, very often they are very healthy and very normal, for example, that your loved one will not cheat on you, or that he will not offend you or use your openness, availability and your trust.
TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP IN THERAPY, TYPES OF CLIENTS, EXPECTATIONS OF CLIENTS
Child-parent type. The client expects sympathy, praise, care and support. The therapist takes care of the unfortunate, confused, traumatized, etc. client. This relationship model is dangerous because the client himself perceives himself as a poor martyr, which increases the risk of maladjustment.
The Man In The Procrustean Bed Of Expectations
I invite each reader to conduct a thought experiment. Imagine a family with a boy and a girl. Which of the children do you think parents will most often ask to take out the trash, and who will be asked to wash the dishes? I want to talk about how the expectations of others affect the life of each of us.
