2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A bitter insult came …
“Well, how can it be … After all, I always helped her, consoled her; when her husband left her, they hung on the phone for hours, conducted soul-saving conversations. She lent money, never refused. Sometimes it won't return - nothing! It's hard for her alone now, there are two children, she needs to raise. We were bosom friends with the institute, we shared sorrows and joys. Sometimes, as she had another quarrel with her husband, I spent the night with the children. It seems like she was leaving him. Then they made up, of course. I was returning home. Her children are like family, they often ran around. I'll feed, play while parents are at work, and go home."
The woman began to cry again. She, sitting in my psychologist's office, began to cry already
“You see … It's so insulting! She didn't need me. As she got married a second time, that's all, and she forgot her way to me, she doesn't even call. Now her life seems to have improved, they live together with her new husband. He several times, blotting his tears with a handkerchief. Then, having calmed down, she continued. Earns well, money appeared in the house. And she forgot about me. Why do I need her now? There is no one to complain about, no help is needed, apparently …"
Resentment … Bitter, mercilessly tearing the soul with an endless question: “Why are they doing this to me? Why did a friend stop communicating with me? What have I done wrong to her?"
And while she, sitting opposite me and mourning the lost friendship of the woman, does not realize that their relationship with her friend ended for a simple and natural reason. The person whom she considered her inseparable friend simply disappeared from the need for mutual communication. That's how it disappeared, and that's it! The girlfriend (ex?) Now has other urgent needs and interests, which she successfully realizes.
And now what to do with it? How to free yourself from the destructive resentment that prevents you from sleeping peacefully at night? Forgive and forget - it does not work. Resentment will only go deep into the soul and hide there.
And what is it really - resentment? It is always a consequence of disappointment. This is an interesting word, if you figure it out! It comes from "charm", that is - illusion, our idea of "how it should be." These are our expectations from a person. Remember: "A friend in trouble will not leave, he will not ask too much …" We were taught in childhood how real men (women) should act, what friendship is … We carry these childish concepts of relationships between people into adulthood. And when we are faced with something that does not correspond to these ideas, we get angry, take offense, blame others. Although in reality we are just "putting on" these illusions of ours on real people. Who can have their own concepts of friendship, love, relationships in general. Completely different, different from ours! So that very disappointment lies in wait for us. And resentment is born, under which anger is hidden at the inconsistency with our ideas about how it should be.
It is even pleasant to be offended in a sense (strange as it may sound). After all, there is a reason to feel sorry for yourself, poor, so good! And then draw the conclusion “People are evil. You can't trust anyone. If you open your soul to a person, he will spit in it. And withdraw into yourself, in your pity.
Just what will it give? How will it help you to live happily on?
But there is another, more viable option. First, grow up and understand that people will not match your ideas about life. They have these concepts - their own. As well as their needs, which they realize with your help. When these needs disappear or another object appears that better satisfies these very needs, they can leave you. And that's okay. By the way, are you doing the wrong thing yourself? Have you, for example, never been burdened by a relationship that has ceased to suit you? And didn't you try to avoid them in every possible way?
Do not build illusions - accept people as they are in reality. Is there something you don't like, don't like? Draw conclusions, make a decision - what and how to change and live on. Calmly. No offense.
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