Unrequited Love. Why Is It Hard To Stop Loving?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Why, when we fall in love, we are irresistibly attracted to this person? Contact with him becomes simply a necessary condition for life.

Are your feelings mutual? No questions. They will appear later, when the period of charm has passed. But if we are left alone at the peak of experiences, this is a source of pain and suffering.

What attracts us to this person is vital to us. Not necessarily good or bad. Precisely IMPORTANT, but displaced from the psyche. Our needs begin to sound, which until now have been able to be ignored, and their satisfaction is connected directly with this person.

Why persuasion do not help: "Give up this venture, find another / s!"? Because in the object of falling in love we see ourselves, although we are not aware of it. How to reject yourself? He is Me in my imagination. It's easier to get depressed and even settle scores with your own life. The other seems more valuable.

Channeling your anger outward, “killing the other,” would be salvation. But the fear that this will lead to separation, and the person in love wants this least of all, stops the internal processes of self-preservation. The lover wants to merge with the other, but in fact with himself.

The situation seems hopeless. But this is not the case. Unrequited love is always a reason to turn to yourself, to start exploring your needs and repressed parts of the personality. The time has come!

What can you do for yourself on your own?

Answer yourself to the questions (preferably write down):

⠀1. Why do you need this person? What do you want from him? How will your life change if you are together? What are your hopes for him? How will you feel around him? What / what kind of next to him do you become?

⠀2. What do you like about this person? What fascinates and attracts the most attention? What does he have (character, ability) or is able to do something that you cannot?

Have you written? It's all yours now. This list has nothing to do with another person. You must admit that the above is important to you! It is necessary!

The first group of questions will talk about your needs, what you need. In love, security, respect (substitute yours). This person should save you from boredom, loneliness, and so on. Then think about how you can implement it. Your responsibility will even be to find someone who can give it to you. Also figure out what you can do for yourself.

The second is about repressed qualities. All the qualities that you have listed are already in your possession. We must learn to manifest them. Channel your energies to overcome your limitations. Nobody but you will make you smart, sexy, successful, joyful (substitute yours). This is your development zone!

And yet, a psychotherapist to help you!