2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many people like those who are not available. Men and women gain the attention of an inaccessible object, dreaming of reuniting with it. At the same time, those who are open to love, who love, turn out to be completely uninteresting. What's this? A habit of suffering? Passion for torment or the desire to take possession of the desired happiness in the struggle. But, ultimately, the orientation towards an inaccessible partner leads to long-term suffering. So why, then, do so many people fall in love with the inaccessible, passing by those who love, who are ready to love them?
There are several reasons for this suffering scenario. Let's look at what all religions are built on: trying to earn God's love. God is not available and this is worth taking into account. But how strong is the desire to get closer to God, although what it actually means: “to get closer to God” everyone understands in his own way. One thing is clear: you need to become good at reading the Unavailable. It has become part of human culture, religion, relationships.
We look further. The next instance after God is the parent, whose love the child is forced to deserve. Parent at times manipulative out of fear of loss, cold and ignorant. He, like an unattainable deity for a child, can reject him if the child is bad in his eyes. And many generations of people prove from birth to their parents that they are worth something, waiting for the approving daddy-mommy look. Especially if the parent himself is immature and psychologically illiterate, then he fixes in the child the script prescribed by religion - "love for the inaccessible." Deserve her with your good deeds and maybe you will receive a ray of light in return - the approval and pride of a parent for your child.
All these suffering scenarios are, of course, projected into adulthood. Inaccessible or cold objects of love acquire overvalued significance. Man deifies the inaccessible, idealizes him and puts him on a pedestal of unattainable perfection, although he, in fact, is far from this image. And now the torments of love are assured: you yourself have created this deity and you yourself worship him. And if the inaccessible remains inaccessible, you will sooner or later overthrow him from the heights of his greatness, devalue to smithereens in your own imagination. If the inaccessible will surrender the defense and become your prey, you will be happy for a while, like in paradise, and maybe you will be happy for a long time and even marry the inaccessible. But there will come a moment when he will cease to be valuable to you, and the top of the triangle in the form of a lover or mistress will appear on the horizon, and oh, the scenario of inaccessibility is back in the game. You are in love, but the object is inaccessible, since both have a family, children, wives and husbands. But how sweet it is to plunge into suffering again: we will never be together, but we love each other so much. Inaccessible and sweetly painful.
The scenario of inaccessible love, in fact, is spelled out in all religions, in folk tales, in classical literature, poetry, and it is this scenario that we take for true love. On this we are brought up and educate our children. But this is not love, but a neurotic scenario, from which the realization of the fact that a lot of energy and strength is wasted in such a scenario helps to escape. Real mature love is something else. There is little pain and suffering in it.. This is a desire to create next to a loved one, to create something together and pay attention to each other. And nothing more. And this feeling never comes like lightning and a bolt from the blue, unlike neurotic love, it comes slowly, through friendship and care for a loved one.
And the scenario of love for the inaccessible needs long and serious psychotherapy.
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