Unrequited Love And Masochism - Continuation Of The Case

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 20:57

“… Today I dreamed about my dog. We went for a walk, suddenly Rich dashed, and right with a leash rushed down the street for a dog's wedding. I screamed, called, ran after him - he ran without looking back until he disappeared from sight. It got so bad, my heart was pounding and it seemed that I would never see him again. But soon he appeared again. Alone, he ran to me, and I took him by the leash and led him home. It seems like the whole dream, so short, but there were some worries! And I woke up and thought - maybe this is a dream "dog - to a friend"? I understand that dream books are not serious. But maybe there are exceptions! And this is about him: yes, as if he had disappeared from my life, but he runs, and he will feel that they are very much awaited and loved here and will return!"

She has everything to be a happy woman. The husband is understanding, loving, caring, accepting her passionate nature, sometimes deliberately restrained, "a real man." This restraint of his sometimes looks like coldness and annoys her - she wants passions. But the same restraint does not allow them to shake their family life, and she understands this, appreciates and loves him. “They got together. Wave and stone, Poems and prose, ice and fire. " Yes, ice and fire are like them. They got together 20 years ago, already old enough and experienced and live in love.

The son of a schoolboy is a long-awaited, beloved, smart, born leader! True, the separation process is going on with difficulty - and there is a lot behind this. Of course, not without conflicts, of course, "like on a volcano" and very much like, at times, an Italian family. But this is also about love. The son went to mum and dad has to slow down two of them already. But more often all conflicts turn into jokes - and everyone is fine.

Yes, I have a favorite job, I am a hobby, and I am satisfied with everything financially!

And it would seem - live and rejoice!

And then an unexpected but intent gaze, a casual conversation, a collision in the corridor, a fleeting touch of hands awakened her fantasy, and she felt as if she was waking up from a dream. It's strange, because everything was good in life - quiet, comfortable, calm!

And then … He is almost a boy, she is a grown woman. The stop sign is right in front of your eyes! But she can't help but feel how similar they are! At his age, she was the same - impetuous, passionate, charming, everyone fell in love with her as soon as they began to communicate, everyone wanted to "recharge with her energy." And now, seeing him, she identifies with his irrepressible energy and seems to become herself, regaining that young part that has long been gathering dust on the shelf. How can you stay indifferent!

And he comes so close, he says something simple, but so subtle, and the meaning of his words can often be understood in two ways. And in addition to this, he begins to correspond with her - they communicate almost every day on any topic - as if a test: they even like the same thing!

"The seducing boy is a terrible force."

This is the feeling that it is he who can give her that frantic passion that was not enough in life ("how can this be enough?"). And at the same time, she, too, can give him a lot in return: experience, passion, care, and a forbidden maternal object.

And here he is - she is blossoming, getting younger, her eyes are burning. When he disappears, she suffers, does not eat, her thoughts get confused. She will not write herself: she understands that she should not take the initiative - only endure and enjoy fantasies and memories. He appears - and again everything is fine. If only I could look into his eyes, listen to his voice, read and re-read his messages …

And in one day it was all over. How it ended. He just stopped writing to her, answering her messages. And at a meeting, the maximum can nod his head coldly, or even “not notice”. As if frightened, she thinks. Or maybe just tired, or maybe …

How to live on? She understands that there was no relationship either. That there was a desire to see his smile, to look into his eyes, to hear his voice, and the rest can be fantasized - “safer”. But he took that away from her too.

And before our eyes it collapses, not understanding what it was. After all, there was nothing, it seems. But since something ended, then there was something to end with? And now he is already a sadist for her "How could he do this to me!" At the sight of him, she broadcasts indifference. But imperceptibly all the same, still continues to catch his eye.

And she also understands that it is she who destroys herself. And that these torments mean this crazy love for her. After all, if you just let go now, try to forget, then as if you have to admit that there was nothing! And this is still unbearable: "You really want crazy, passionate love!"

“Moral masochism requires payment for receiving pleasure: in the relationship between the Self and the introject of the Super-Ego, there is a transformation of suffering into erotic pleasure, the integration of aggression within love. Consistent with unconscious guilt, suffering at the behest of the punishing introject means regaining love for the object and oneness with it; in this way, aggression is assimilated by love. " “The pain-related aspects of erotic arousal are transformed into pleasure, increasing sexual arousal and a sense of intimacy with the erotic object. The internalization of an erotic object, an object of desire, also includes the requirements for this object, as conditions for the preservation of love. The basic unconscious fantasy can be expressed as follows: “You hurt me - this is part of your response to my desire. I accept pain as part of your love - it holds our closeness together. Feeling the pleasure from the pain you caused, I become like you. " Otto Kernberg, Love Relationship: Norm and Pathology, Ch. "Masochistic pathology"