How To Stop Loving A Person Who Does Not Love You. 3 Steps

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Don't sabotage your own healing. There are some thought patterns that make it difficult to move forward. Stop saying: 1) I cannot live without him; 2) I cannot stop loving him; 3) I love this person more than any other; 4) I cannot love anyone else; 5) There is no one better than this person; 6) He's beautiful.

Love for a person who doesn't love you is one of the most hopeless feelings in the world because you cannot control him. And that is why you must begin the healing process.

it’s not your fault that it happened, you couldn’t change anything

and the only thing left to do is move on

1. Give yourself time to grieve

Allow yourself to grieve. When your love is not mutual, it hurts. To overcome this, you will have to allow yourself to grieve over resentment and missed opportunity. There is nothing wrong with surrendering to your grief, unless you are stuck in this state. Actually, it is more beneficial for health if you are sad and will not suppress your emotions.

If you can, take a little distraction from everything that fills your life and give yourself up to sadness. This will help create a healing environment so you can deal with your grief. For example, when you first realize (or have been told) that this person will never reciprocate, you need to be alone with your thoughts for a while, even if it’s just the usual 15-minute walk from work.

But don't get drunk with despair. If you haven't left the house for weeks, haven't taken a shower and walked in the same well-worn sweater, which is long overdue to burn, then you are beyond reason. Feeling sad is natural, but if you don't try to focus on your life again, you will continue to think about that person and experience love agony.

2. Stay away from this person

In part, creating a space around you to grieve, and then continue to live - perhaps if this person is not in your life. You don't have to completely eliminate your unrequited love from life, but you really need to take a break.

If the person you are trying to stop loving is someone you have relied on for a long time and could ask for emotional support, find another friend to fill that role. Ask a friend if you can count on help when you want to talk to someone you are trying to distance yourself from.

Remove this person from social networks, or at least hide his or her posts, remove the number from the mobile directory to exclude the temptation to get back in touch. You don't want something to constantly remind you of him / her and what that person is doing. This will make it harder for you to keep your distance.

You can even talk and say something like, “I know you don’t love me the way I would like you to. But I really need some free space to get over my feelings.” If he is a good person, you will get the space you want, even if she / he is hurt a little by the distance between you.

3. Understand that it’s better for you

• No matter how wonderful the person is, you better not love someone who doesn't love you. Moreover, love is blind to flaws. When you stop loving a person, you may notice the reasons why the relationship between the two of you would not have taken place.

• Write a list of the person's flaws. There is no need to approach this with anger, but in every person there is always something that annoys others. Maybe this person likes to wear completely disgusting outfits? Is it rude to service personnel? Loves to tell horribly not funny jokes? If you're having trouble making a list, get the support of a loyal friend.

• Also look for features that would make your relationship difficult if your feelings were mutual. For example: maybe, due to extreme social anxiety, this person could never give you the reliability and support you need in a relationship.

4. Don't blame him / her

Just as you cannot control your falling in love, so this person cannot control his feelings. If you start accusing this person that you are just friends or that you have not reciprocated, then you will simply put yourself in a disadvantageous light. As a result, your failed passion will feel as if his / her, thank God, has passed the fate of being with you.

• And, most importantly, do not write long speeches about what a worthy couple you are and that this person has bad taste if he did not see you, such a diamond. Honestly, if you react to the situation in this way, then, probably, the person deservedly does not feel reciprocal feelings towards you.

• You can be sad that your love is not mutual, and at the same time not turn it all into a search for someone to blame. If your friends start blaming the person for not responding to your feelings, thank them for their support, but say, “It's not fair to blame the person for something they have no control over. Let's focus on how I get over it.”

5. Get rid of keepsakes

You may cry to have to do this, but it is an important step in the healing process. All these reminders around will complicate your future life, and you don't need this! You should not set up a ritual bonfire of memorabilia or send them back to your loved one with a note "Thank you for that."

As you move from one thing to another, think about the memories you associate with it. Imagine that you are placing a memory in a balloon. When you get rid of the thing, imagine that the ball with the memory is carried away and never comes back.

If you have a lot of items in good condition, consider donating them to a consignment shop or donating those items to a homeless home. Imagine all the new memories that your oversized sweater, teddy bear or disc will bring them to a new owner. Let these associations now symbolize the changes you are going through in your life.

STEP 2 OF 3:

1. Avoid reminders

It is difficult to heal unrequited love if you constantly remind yourself of the other person. Don't look for a song that reminds you of him or that wonderful time you were together.

• A memory trigger can be anything. It could be his Facebook page, a tune you listened to together. It might even smell like apple pie (he once baked an apple pie for you as a surprise, for example).

• If you encounter a trigger unexpectedly, it is good for you to become aware of it and move in the opposite direction from it. Don't dwell on the feelings it evokes. For example, if it's a song on the radio, turn off the radio or change the station. When you feel sad and regretful, switch to something positive or neutral (think about what you will eat for lunch or what kind of trip you will have in the near future).

• Remember that you cannot avoid reminders forever. You just want to make the healing process easier, and the constant reminders will make it difficult.

2. Talk to someone

It is best to discuss the emotional and difficult aspects of the healing process with a specialist. If you cling to these emotions, then it will be even more difficult to do this later. Find someone to talk to about your feelings and experiences.

Make sure this is a trusted person or specialist (psychologist, psychotherapist). This will mean that he will not try to speed up the healing process, especially if it is a breakup of a long-term relationship.

• You can write down your feelings if you are unwilling or unable to talk to the other person. The good thing about journaling is that you can track your healing process, which will give you evidence that it is possible to get rid of unrequited love.

3. Avoid getting drunk and making calls or sending messages

This is a serious mistake and will cause incredible awkwardness later on. Drunken accusations for not liking you, or crying about how you have been hurt, is a surefire way to convince your partner that he is right about his feelings for you. Before getting drunk, take all precautions to avoid further embarrassment.

• Give your phone to a friend (preferably a "sober driver") with strict instructions not to give it to you, no matter what excuses you come up with or how much you beg.

• Remove that person's number from your phone. This way you won't be tempted to call or text when you're drunk.

4. Get distracted

Although it is impossible not to think about something, it is necessary to distract yourself at the moment when thoughts begin to circle in a spiral. Whenever they take you prisoner, switch to another occupation, activity, or project.

Call a friend. Open the instructions for needlework. Watch a fun movie. Build something. Work in the garden. Practice math. Find something that will distract you for a long enough time from thinking about this person. The more you get used to not thinking about him, the easier it becomes.

Do not try to force yourself not to think about this person, because this will only make you focus on him even more often. Instead, when you notice that these thoughts are overwhelming you again, turn your attention to something else.

A convenient trick is to give yourself a certain amount of time to think about your loved one. And when thoughts creep into your head, tell yourself: “Not now. I will come back to you later. For example, you could set aside an hour at the beginning of the day for this. During the day, put off thinking about him for later, and allow yourself to think about it at a designated time. When the time is up, go back to your normal life.

5. Don't sabotage your own healing

There are certain words that you must forbid yourself to speak. There are some thought patterns that sabotage the healing process and make it difficult to move forward.

Stop saying: 1) I cannot live without him; 2) I cannot stop loving him; 3) I love this person more than any other; 4) I cannot love anyone else; 5) There is no one better than this person; 6) He's beautiful.

Remind yourself that people and situations change. What you are experiencing now will not last the rest of your life, especially if you are actively working on changing feelings.

6. Change your routine

Change your daily routine. According to research, doing something new - like taking a vacation, for example, or at least changing the route you take to work - is one of the best ways to break old habits and replace them with new ones.

If you can't afford global change, make small, day-to-day changes. Visit a different part of the city. Go to a new club on Saturday night. Join a new group. Learn a new hobby like cooking or climbing.

Try to avoid anything too radical, unless you are sure you want to do it. During a difficult period of life, many people shave their heads or get a tattoo. It is better to wait until you feel a little better, and then decide on this kind of change.

7. Find yourself

You were so caught up in falling in love with someone that you completely forgot what it was like to just be yourself. Healing from unrequited love is a great time to determine who is behind these feelings for another person.

Work on your personal growth, external and internal. Take the trouble to be in shape, look good, which will increase your self-esteem. Identify areas of work on yourself. For example: if you have communication difficulties, you can work on it.

Cultivate the things that make you a unique person. You spent so much time fixating on this person, and you left important aspects of yourself as a person to the mercy of fate. Take care of those things and people for which you did not have enough time while you dealt with your unrequited love.

Step 3 of 3: Moving Forward

1. Feel when you're ready to move on

There is no set time frame for healing from unrequited love. Everyone moves at different speeds. However, there are some signs that you are ready to move on.

You start to notice what is happening to other people. When you are in the mourning stage, you tend to get a little self-centered. If you feel interested in what is happening around you, know that you are on the right track in the healing process.

Every time the phone rings (especially if the number is not familiar to you), you no longer think that this is your loved one, who suddenly realized the depth of true love for you.

You have ceased to identify yourself with the hero of every song or film about unrequited love. Actually, you began to expand your repertoire to include things not only about love or love agony.

You no longer fantasize about him realizing, loving you, and confessing to fall at your feet.

2. Avoid relapse

Even if you’re ready to move on with your life, you can sometimes catch your love rush again if you’re not careful. It's like pulling stitches out of a wound too early. She heals well, but is not yet ready for intense exercise.

If you do have a relapse, don't worry too much! You have already spent a lot of energy to deal with the situation and it will pay off.

Do not spend time with this person and do not allow him or her to come back into your life if you are not sure that this will not be a return of old feelings for you.

If you really notice that you are starting to return to the past, try not to worry too much about it. You have already put in enough effort to overcome everything, and your work will not go to waste. Backtracking happens and if you decide to give up right away, it will be very difficult in the long run.

3. Give yourself some fun

The more you have fun, the easier it will be for you to get through the test of unrequited love. If you sit at home floundering in your misery, then you are not distracted in any way and you are not rebuilding your brain. Go out and do something.

Do what brings you joy, but which you cannot do too often. Treat yourself to a yummy treat after dealing with the stress of unrequited love. Save up some money for such a coveted vacation or buy a new video game that delights you.

Get out of your comfort zone. New activities and hobbies will help you move beyond your normal routine, and you will no longer have associations with the person you are trying to let go. That is, you will be too busy trying new things to go crazy about the person who does not love you.

4. Return to the game

Go out, meet new people, meet new people, and remind yourself how wonderful it is to be someone's admiration. Your confidence definitely needs a fresh breath - and in the process you will meet new interesting people. Basically, every time someone is better than the person you sighed for - in terms of looks, humor, intelligence, or practicality - celebrate it. This will put the situation in perspective.

You don't have to look for a new relationship. Just enjoy the presence of new people, and that in itself can be wonderful bait.

Be very careful about filling your partner's vacancy. Although sometimes this is what the doctor ordered, the substitution only works when you are emotionally ready for it. You are honest with yourself that this is a substitute. And you honestly tell this person what role he has. Don't make this new person suffer the same unrequited love as you once did.

5. Do not despair

Do not despair! Getting over your feelings isn't easy! Any steps you take in this direction should be welcomed. You should also remember that just because this person did not reciprocate with you, it does not mean that everyone will do this.