FEAR OF DEATH. HOW TO OVERCOME IT

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Someone thinks about death after crossing a certain age threshold. Someone in connection with the death of friends or relatives. And someone is suddenly and in the prime of life. In the life of every person there comes a moment when he consciously or unconsciously feels the fear of death.

Quite a frequent request in my psychological practice, when young people aged 35 to 45 turn to with anxiety attacks, panic attacks, with the feeling of “not living my life”, fear of finding a fatal disease, fear of loneliness, helplessness, loss of control, feelings of guilt and fear of punishment for sins. And behind these complaints, not only an age crisis is revealed, but also the fear of death.

Like any fear, the fear of death also has positive intentions.

The fear of death intensifies the desire to live.

This is the murder of a false life, of that way of life and human nature, which has already become meaningless. It's scary to die when you realize that life is finite, and you still haven't lived as you would like. Although you still do not know what needs to be changed, you already understand that you no longer want the way you lived before.

Getting rid of the fear of death means finding your true self. Start living "your life" without masks and without falsehood. Although people are initially frightened by their true desires, the realization that could be different, regret and fear of starting something new, to show their true essence. And at this point, the fear of dying and the fear of living at the call of the heart meet.

Throughout a person's life, there are several natural crisis periods of experiencing the fear of death:

- 4-6 years old - the child faces death for the first time. At this age, if one of the relatives or pets dies, the children are told “left”, “left”, “ran away”. Death to a child may seem like something sublime. Or turn into fear of abandonment if the parent died.

- 10-12 years - a more disturbing and even sad meeting with the reflections of death. In adolescents, in connection with these experiences, a feeling of universal emptiness often arises. The child's psyche is not yet ready for this meeting and is very traumatized at a deep mental, emotional level, even if the experiences are associated with an episode from a book or film.

- 17-24 years - during this period, young people more often show the fear of independent life and responsibility.

- 35-55 years - the time of searching for the meaning of life, which is inextricably linked with the concept of fear of death. Overcoming the fear of death at this stage, people begin to rethink their values, highlight accents, many rethink and unexpectedly change their way of life, master a new profession, create new families - go through a very painful process of transformation, but then leading to a way out of the crisis and great changes …

The way that a person during these periods coped with his fears is integrated into his experience, which means that in the future, he can turn to him. And, if in adolescence the experience was unsuccessful, then in adulthood a person may need help to cope with these fears.

Each encounter with death is an impetus to one's own development. And a breakthrough in life. After all, overcoming our fears, we develop.

The fear of death is a crisis, the way out of which is the acquisition of a new ideology of life and the dying of an obsolete one. Moreover, during the overcoming of any life crisis - divorce, job loss, relocation, etc. we also face the fear of death. As in the song "parting is a little death." The usual way of life and old values are dying.

Through the experience of disappointment, the dying of the old and the formation of new thinking, we find the true actual MEANING OF LIFE, our real “I”. Passing these stages allows you to overcome fears and improve the quality of your life.

Irwin Yalom, a renowned psychiatrist and psychotherapist who has gone from psychoanalysis to an existential-humanistic therapist, in his works assigned an important role to overcoming the existential fear of death. In the work “Peering into the sun. Life without the fear of death”(2008) he summarizes the study of this problem, and writes:“Once we are able to confront the fact of our own mortality, we are inspired to realign our priorities, communicate more deeply with those we love, appreciate beauty more sharply life and increase our willingness to take on the risks necessary for personal fulfillment."

“We must learn to live without regrets,” says Irvin Yalom, “Then when the time comes to leave, you will not be so sad and scared to die. The amount of fear of death experienced is directly related to the amount of life that remains unlived. Ask yourself: what do you regret the most at the moment? This is actually very important - try to analyze as deeply as possible each of your regrets. Now try to look into the near future - for example, the coming year. What new regrets might you have, and why? What can you change in your life to avoid them?"

Despite the fact that the fear of death has a number of positive intentions, it can be very difficult for a person who is left alone with his experiences to find a resource in himself and cope with anxious thoughts. In addition, the stronger the fear becomes, the more intense the symptoms will manifest. Therefore, the best solution is to timely seek psychological help from a specialist who will help determine the objective cause of fear, find answers to complex existential questions, recognize that life and death are a natural biological cycle that has always existed, understand your true values and start living a full life. life, doing what brings joy and benefit.