TOP-8 INABILITIES THAT TURN RELATIONSHIP

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

So, in today's article we will analyze the TOP-8 inability that spoil relations with a loved one, a partner.

1. Inability to ORGANIZE YOUR LIFE.

That is, the inability to saturate your life with yourself, your interests, your activities. When our own life is empty, boring, not interesting, then we need a plug that will quench our thirst for saturation of life. In this case, an overwhelming mission is entrusted to the partner - to become EVERYTHING for us, to become our whole life. Not only is it difficult, it also leads to a strong dependence on his presence, because everything is connected with him: love, communication, interests, safety, comfort, protection, leisure, etc.

2. Inability to withstand the DIFFERENCE.

It's okay when you want to watch Game of Thrones and your partner is the final soccer match. It's okay when you love seafood and your partner hates it. People who are inclined to create a merging, codependent relationship withstand the difference with a partner extremely painfully, perceiving the differences almost as a betrayal, treason. Then the constant criticism of the interests and the whole lifestyle of the partner begins (at least in those moments where there is a difference) and enticing to his side. If you fail to lure, involve in your circle of interests and preferences, then there is a rejection of their interests, views, values in favor of the interests, views and values of the partner, which means we return to point number 1. This is the unwillingness to accept the partner as he is, the unwillingness to see him in his greatness, separateness. No attempts to remake it to please yourself or attempts to redraw, rebuild yourself for a partner.

3. Inability to TRUST.

Relationships are always uncertainty. No one will ever give you any guarantees that your relationship will last another 5, 10, 30 years or a lifetime. Conditions of uncertainty, lack of guarantees of security and stability of relations give rise to strong anxiety. Anxiety is followed by fears (cooling, betrayal, parting), concern for the future. Fears give rise to jealousy, suspicion, the need for control. All of the above are love killers. It is worth noting that difficulties with trust arise in those people who have already been betrayed, deceived, rejected once (in 99% of cases, such stories begin in childhood, in parent-child relationships).

4. Inability to THANK.

We give something in a relationship and receive something. Devaluation or failure to notice what a loved one does for us is fraught with the loss of the partner's motivation to invest, give, give something. The logic is simple: why try to do something for a person who does not notice these efforts? Here, in this point, one can attribute the inability to say compliments, in general to note what the partner is good at and well done, that is, the inability to praise. This point lacks an important skill, the ability to see the beauty in a partner and in his actions and to note, emphasize it, talk about it, admire it.

5. Inability to ADAPT.

If it's easier - to rub in, get used to, adjust. This does not mean at all to bend completely under the partner, his rhythm of life and habits (then we return to point 1). But here it is important to have flexibility in attaching your worldview, habits, lifestyle and dynamics of life to your partner. Remember point 2 - we are all different, one way or another we will have to get used to, negotiate, show this very flexibility, be tolerant, be ready to sacrifice part (only part, not all !!!) of our interests and freedoms for the prosperity and longevity of the relationship.

6. Inability to ASK.

Behind such inability there are often fears: that the partner will refuse (and it will be offensive), that this is humiliation, that this speaks of your weakness and dependence, that this leads to dependence, submission, and is fraught with falling under control. And then we silently wait for the partner to figure out our needs and wants, desires and preferences. Then we are offended if the partner never thought of it, never figured it out.. "Egoist, apparently. Apparently, he thinks only of himself. Apparently, he does not need a relationship!" With such reflections, the age of relations will be short-lived.

7. Inability to FORGIVE.

Even the most wonderful relationship is impossible without conflict. Quarrels, disagreements are inevitable. In a relationship, conflicts of interest always arise, which lead to resentment, disappointment, the desire to move away from the partner. People are brought together not only by something in common, people are also brought together by the willingness to step over their pain for the sake of a common future. We grab onto our pride, indulge our pride, stubborn, persist in our position. We hold back pain and resentment like a banner that must be carried until the end of the war. The willingness to forgive is the willingness to take a step forward, to let go of the bad for the sake of the good that was, what is and what else will be in the relationship. This also includes the inability to ask for forgiveness.

8. Inability to CONTROL yourself.

That is, here we will talk about how much you know how to restrain your emotional impulses. How environmentally friendly and competently you know how to unload your thoughts, experiences, feelings and emotions. Controlling our anxiety means that we do not immediately rush at our partner with accusations, complaints, shouts and insults, but we speak calmly. How much we are able to control our affects, trying to convey to the partner our fears, anxiety, disappointment. How much we know how to conduct a dialogue constructively, that is, pursuing the goal not to destroy the partner, but to make the relationship comfortable for the two of you.

If you recognize yourself in one or several points - it's okay! Lack of skill, skill is not some kind of birth defect, it is not an indicator of you as some dysfunctional, wrong partner. Rather, it is a pointer, a signal that at this point you have a lot to learn, it is worth paying attention to.

It may be necessary to dig deeper into the past, look for the origins of the problem there, look for the source of fear, pain or resentment, due to which the necessary ability has not developed. Then, you can direct your attention to developing a skill, a new habit. Any ability, any skill can be developed if there is such a desire. For your sake, for the sake of your loved one, for the sake of the relationship.