2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Someone in this life can boast of poise, and someone can honestly and openly say about themselves - I am an anxious person. This is not a diagnosis in the full sense of the word (since we are not specifically talking about anxiety disorder of personality). But anxious personality is a specific set of behavioral strategies that makes you a unique, but quite specific person.
First reaction to negativity
Imagine this set of situations. Your bank loan was turned down. Or you didn't get a bonus at work. Or you have been criticized by a significant person. Such situations can be conditionally called negative. Or stressful.
What can you do in such situations
- you can clarify the motives of the behavior of another person / organization (check your projections)
- you can formulate the next action or create an action plan (plan)
- you can concentrate on what you have, on your resources (resource yourself)
- you can continue to insist on your own
Or
You can dive into the search for answers to 2 questions: "why did this happen" and "what can this lead to". Formally, these are useful questions, but they also create some kind of "certainty". And this is a habitual occupation of an anxious person. But in reality, the answers to these questions do not provide comfort and relief. And they only immerse them even more in a sense of uncertainty. For example.
A close person criticized me → maybe he got confused in himself → maybe he is not ready to listen to my arguments → maybe we will not be able to make up in the near future → maybe we will have a bad streak in our life together → maybe we will even disperse → and what will happen if we disperse ? → would it not be better if we disperse
If on the way of such a disintegration of thoughts there is a psychological defense (for example, repression or rationalization), then for a while the anxious personality may become easier. But then there is a rollback to the last point of thinking (or even to the starting point of thinking) and everything is repeated again.
And what happens if you try to tell an anxious person that there is no point in looking for the causes of his condition? Will he understand you? …
Assessment of yourself in the event of negativity
In general, at the moment when any negative happens to you, you don't really need to evaluate yourself and your condition. After all, it does not bring you one iota closer to resolving the situation. But the anxious person habitually does it. Moreover, he does it in a very specific way. So, among the Sami peoples of the northern territories of Sweden, Finland and Norway, you can find about 180 words related to snow and ice. And about 1000 words related to deer. Something similar can be observed in an anxious person. Many evaluative words begin to revolve in their head, which flood their consciousness and immediately lead to anxiety. These can be words that in themselves indicate the intensity of the disturbing experience:
Anxiety - doubt - distrust - alertness - anxiety - confusion - fear - fear - helplessness - confusion - panic - despair - horror.
Or it could be theirs associative derivatives:
And then there is trembling, shaking, apprehension, fear, apprehension, horror, phobia, excitement, confusion, agitation, dismay, vanity, commotion, suspiciousness, trembling, turmoil, confusion, confusion.
Or it could be indicators that something is wrong with the anxious person:
Bad - hard - hard - nothing comes out - everything is at random - out of hand - not a fountain - hard - filthy - disgusting - bad - unbearable - unsuccessful - nauseous - bad - shitty - disgusting - sucks - dirty - lousy - awkward - disgusting - lame - even hit your head against the wall - I'm not happy with life - even let a bullet in the forehead - even howl at the moon
And each such assessment can easily intersect with the first strategy (looking for causes and considering the possible consequences of what is happening), which only tightens the emotional loop even tighter.
What happens if you try to tell an anxious person to use his vocabulary more carefully? That the words themselves create his own anxiety? Will he be able to stop them right away?
Strategic reaction to negativity
In an amicable way, there can be only one strategic reaction to the negative - reconciliation of what happened with your plans. That is, in any negative situation, it is important to understand as quickly as possible what is for you … IMPORTANT. That being said, that you CAN start influencing the situation right now.
You have a conflict? It is important for you to understand what you are leaning towards - to continue the relationship or end it. Do you continue your relationship? Good! This means that you can right now take a firm grip on your partner's hands and hold them in your hands while you negotiate how you will get out of the conflict.
You have problems at work? It is important for you to understand whether you plan to save it or whether you are ready to go on an independent voyage (change jobs, sit on someone's neck for a while). Ready to quit your job? Good! You can check the deadline, prepare a resume, and go to job posting sites. Now.
You have health problems? It is important for you to understand how you will solve them. Let's say you have panic attacks. There can be only three strategies - drugs, psychological assistance, self-overcoming. Have you chosen an independent option? Good! You can download books, videos and tutorials on your problem. You can prioritize self-directed research (for example, focusing on skills, techniques, finding causes, or other specific aspect of your situation).
Yes, for this it is important that you have strategic goals at any given moment of your life. Indicative or specific. The same as everyone else or your own, unique. Focused on your needs or momentary. The main thing is that you have specific vectors of movement that are directed to the future.
The hobbyhorse of an anxious personality is doubt and devaluation. And it is at the moment of the appearance of the negative that these two weapons of pinpoint defeat hit directly at the target.
Relationship? Will it be possible to achieve something in them? Will anyone need it? Is the relationship worth all the effort you put into it? Are we ready to fight for a relationship? And what is the likelihood that something of this will turn out good?
Work? Will I pull it? Will I be able to achieve anything on it? Why should I spend better years of my life at my work? Is it possible to count on stability in my company? Shouldn't the bosses take better / more care of the staff?
Health? What if I get worse? What if the chosen treatment does not help? Or maybe you should have chosen a different specialist / pills / approach? What if I only get side effects instead of the result? Well, how long to wait for the result? Or maybe the treatment will not help me?
What happens if you try to tell an anxious person that he should think more about what he can and what is important to him? That his anxious expectations only rob him of his strength? Will he be able to redirect in a different direction?
Yes, from a single point of view, each person is to some extent an anxious person. It's just that someone still manages not to realize and hide it. Including from himself. Therefore, sometimes it is worth asking yourself a question - how anxious person am I now?
Am I winding myself up now? Am I assessing myself negatively now? Do I have negative expectations for the future?
How would you answer these questions?
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