2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
My introduction to anxiety
I want to describe one of my first conscious experiences with anxiety. Somehow I got interested in all these trainings, survival projects, endurance training. Inspired, I decided to try to apply this for myself, train my endurance, tolerance of anxiety (since the increased anxiety was very annoying and did not allow me to live fully). I think so, I will conduct an experiment, I will stay in anxiety as much as I can, I will look at how much I have enough and what will come of it.
And here are some of my observations and conclusions:
- The temptation is great to merge anxiety into "left" activity as soon as it appears.
- There is a great temptation to throw off all the anxiety and irritation that has arisen on those around you (since they will give you plenty of reason).
- There is a great temptation to merge anxiety into a "depressive state", into the role of a "victim", so that it becomes easier and there is no need to solve anything.
- It is tempting to drain anxiety into addiction, obsession and other available forms of anesthetizing the senses and dulling anxiety.
- There is tension, irritation, anger and anxiety increases due to rejection, denial and avoidance of the very feeling of anxiety.
And the most important thing that I understood: if you do not "merge" anxiety in different ways, then anxiety is quite a tolerable thing. You can be in anxiety. Anxiety is necessary and important for something. It does not destroy, it does not kill. I continue to be, to exist. I feel!
But when I decided not to run away from anxiety, but to run after anxiety myself, on the contrary, even try to cause it in various situations and ways, then I felt a marvelous thing - the anxiety was gone, there was no anxiety, I could not find it. I am looking, I am looking, but I can’t find.
Then in this place I got interest, excitement, curiosity. I wanted (really wanted) to take a closer look at anxiety. Understand, explore. Many questions arose: why? as? why? and for what? And I realized that this is a process, a long and exciting process. That there is a lot of unknown and hidden, a lot of inability and lack of understanding. But there is the main and important understanding that my feelings and reflections are quite natural. Maybe this is the very acceptance, full and unconditional acceptance?
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