Overcoming Anxiety Or The First Meeting With A Psychologist

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Deciding to come to a psychologist can be oh, how difficult it is. There are many fears and doubts to overcome. Questions arise: "What will people say?" or "Maybe I can handle my problems myself?"

But suppose you have already managed to cope with your doubts enough to make the decision "yes, I want to see a psychologist." And this first step.

Now you go to the second step - it is a search for a suitable specialist.

You turn to a friend for recommendations, sit on psychological sites, reading articles and recommendations of the most liked specialists. In general, one way or another, you have the coveted phone number in your hands.

As my practice shows, you can “meditate” on this number for quite a long time. It can take weeks, sometimes months, before you decide to dial it. But, perhaps, you will dial the number right away, since the decision has been made inside for a long time.

And so you are done third step - called and made an appointment.

All three steps are worthy of separate articles, but now I want to dwell in more detail on the fourth step - the first meeting with a psychologist. It is she who causes most of the fears, illusions and fears. There is a completely justified anxiety in front of the unknown. You don't go to your first consultation with a psychologist every day.

In order to reduce this anxiety even a little, I want to answer the most frequently asked questions of my clients or friends before the first session.

Basic questions I am asked before the first meeting

● Are there any rules on how to behave with a psychologist?

● Where to start and what to talk about?

● Do I need to prepare for the meeting?

● I cannot clearly formulate the request (question).

● How is the session with the psychologist going?

● Can one meeting help?

● Can a psychologist start to say that I need a lot of meetings in order to "pump" money out of me or start somehow manipulating me?

I will answer in stages. So…

Are there any rules on how to behave with a psychologist?

Perhaps, there are no special rules that differ from other specialists.

For example, you will not beat a doctor who performed a painful procedure for you, so you don't need a psychologist, even if you really want to.

More seriously, in order to define the boundaries between the client and the therapeutic relationship, many psychologists enter into an administrative contract.

The contract is the rules for participation in the psychotherapeutic process, both for the psychologist and for the client.

This includes, for example, a clause on confidentiality. That is, all information that you tell the therapist is not disclosed, except in special cases (in particular, if the psychologist is obliged to tell about it by law).

In addition, the contract specifies:

● The cost of one session and the procedure for payment, ● The frequency and duration of meetings, ● Conditions for skipping and canceling sessions, ● Opportunity for overtime calls

The contract may also contain:

● That the client undertakes not to physically harm himself, the therapist, or property during the sessions.

● Do not smoke, do not take alcohol during the session, do not leave it earlier than the set time.

● And also do not come to sessions under the influence of alcohol, drugs or medications not prescribed by a doctor.

The administrative contract is concluded, among other things, with the aim of relieving your anxiety in the face of the unknown and making meetings more transparent.

Am I obliged to say everything to myself, can I not answer all the questions?

You definitely have the right not to answer questions that seem incorrect to you. Moreover, you can definitely say about it directly or ask for what purpose the question was asked.

Just as if the dentist asks you to undress, it will be very healthy to at least ask: "Why do you, the dentist, need me to undress?"

But, nevertheless, we are talking about clean specialists.

Therefore, it is good if you manage to be more open. This will help you to see more clearly the picture of what is happening to you and come to important insights and realizations.

Do I need to somehow prepare for this meeting?

I am sure that if you decide to go for a consultation or therapy, it means that you have any question. And if there is no specific question, then it is possible:

● there is something that you would like to change in yourself, ● feel better, ● change any situation, ● change the attitude towards the situation, ● need help making a decision, ● get support, ● just speak out …

In any case, there is something that brought you to the psychologist's office.

Making a decision to come for a consultation can be considered a kind of preparation for a meeting.

Where to start and what to talk about?

I will give an example with a dentist we already know.

Your toothache starts to hurt. At first, it just causes discomfort, but over time the pain becomes unbearable, and you decide to go to the doctor. The only thing you will need to say is that you have a toothache and show which side.

But what kind of tooth hurts (perhaps, the pain radiates to another) and for what reason, the doctor finds out. To do this, he conducts an examination, asks you clarifying questions. Asks: "When I knock like that, does it hurt you?" He does this not at all in order to make you more painful, but in order to clarify the cause of the pain.

The more honest you are in answering questions, the easier it will be for the dentist to treat you.

He will not be able to do anything, even if he really wants to help, if you, at the very least, do not open your mouth.

So the psychologist is about the same

But there is also the main difference between the reception of a psychologist and a dentist - this is the separation of responsibilities.

If at the dentist he does most of the work, then at the psychologist you are more equal participants in the process.

“The psychotherapist is an expert in theory and practice, and the client is an expert in himself.” (C)

A psychologist cannot “do something with you” to make it easier for you, without your participation. We share the responsibility for what is happening and together we go towards the goal set by YOU.

But, as in the example with the dentist, it is important in principle to reach the consultant. And then the psychologist's task is to be able to ask the right question to make it easier for you to start talking.

In particular, I often use metaphorical cards in my work. These are sets of pictures, through association with which it will be easier for you to describe your state and what is happening to you at the moment. It is much easier to start describing a card than it is to start talking about yourself right away. It is like a door through which it is easier for me to enter the client's inner world. Of course, cards are not a panacea, and they may not suit someone, and then other tools come to the rescue.

In any case, not only me, but also any consultant will not leave you in anxiety and silence, sitting on a chair during the first consultation.

How is the session going and what exactly does the psychologist do?

A session usually lasts 50 to 60 minutes.

And this is your paid time, which you can use for yourself as efficiently or ineffectively as possible, and this is also your choice.

You are free to remain silent, to tell or not to talk about what is happening to you, to sabotage and rebel.

In this case, the psychologist will work as a kind of mirror and reflect to you what exactly is happening at the moment.

For example:

You: "I do not want to talk about this"

Psychologist: “I see how difficult it is for you to talk about it and remember what causes such pain, and you have a right to it”

Reflection can cause the very feelings that you have been hiding from yourself for a long time, which, for example, caused depression.

But at the same time, it is still important to remember what I wrote above. Responsibility for the outcome of therapy lies with the psychologist and you.

What else does the consultant do?

● Listens, ● Asks questions, ● Supports, ● Confronts, ● Offers exercises and techniques, ● When necessary, he is simply silent, ● Sometimes gives homework or recommendations

But the most important thing is that the psychologist brings himself into your communication, with his knowledge, experience, feelings, emotions. He does this to the extent that it is useful and therapeutic for you at the moment.

And the result will be much higher if you can also bring all of yourself, with your feelings, experience, knowledge, anxiety and fears.

Can one meeting help?

It depends a lot on the request. Again, I will give an analogy with doctors.

The dentist, I think, is already tired - let's go to the therapist.

Let's say you have a stomach ache, your favorite gastritis is inflamed. You, in principle, understand what is wrong with you, and even know what is helping you, but decided to consult a doctor once again.

The therapist, after examination, confirms the diagnosis, prescribes medications and gives recommendations.

But whether you follow the recommendations or not is your responsibility. Let's say you could not refuse the kebab and the gastritis became inflamed - does this mean that the doctor gave a bad recommendation?

One-time consultation with a psychologist

A one-time consultation with a psychologist works in much the same way. You will be able to analyze the situation and the consultant will most likely give recommendations, which you decide to follow or not.

In what cases are they most often asked for short-term situations:

1. When you have an important conversation or meeting and you need to prepare.

2. When to prepare for an interview or public speaking.

3. When a decision is made, but you need support.

4. When an urgent need to remove a symptom (fear, clamp, pain …)

5. When you need advice on raising a child.

It also happens that in order to prepare for an important meeting, you need not one, but let's say three consultations, and this is discussed with a consultant.

In any case, I would call such meetings a semblance of analgin, which can help relieve pain or temporarily remove a symptom that can worsen with a new stressful situation.

Personal growth trainings, for example, also work. They can help reduce the symptom, but not cure the cause.

Let's think of, for example, a training session on the ability to say “No”. If the training was carried out superficially, and you were only told about how important it is to say no, that in this way you defend your boundaries, you have more respect for yourself, etc. You were given an assignment, and you practiced all day to say it important word. But at the same time, contrary to all expectations, you did not feel better, but, on the contrary, even got sick the next day.

Why could this happen? Yes, because they did not find out the reason why exactly you could not refuse.

Perhaps, within yourself, you consider everyone who says “no” to be bad and insensitive people. Having learned to technically pronounce this word, you, without realizing it, have become bad and insensitive for yourself, “not OK”. And they punished themselves with disease for disobedience. First of all, you had to work with the reason why you had such a belief, what kind of trauma led to it.

Of course, it can be simpler: sometimes it is enough to work out something at the behavioral level. But, nevertheless, before doing anything, it is important to understand the cause of your condition.

As well as a doctor, before prescribing a medicine, he must make sure of the diagnosis, and sometimes one meeting is not enough for this.

Let's go to the dentist again, I hope he has already rested.

Let's say you come to whiten your teeth for an important meeting, and the doctor found that your root is rotting and, in fact, neither cleaning nor whitening will do anything. But you really want to shine with a smile at an important reception. The doctor, I think, will be able to do this procedure for you, but he will definitely warn you that if you do not go to him regularly in the near future, the roots may start to rot and you will lose your teeth.

Will the psychologist specifically schedule appointments that you don't need? Will he start to manipulate you or use your information against you?

A psychologist who respects himself and his profession will definitely not do any of the above. Just as doctors have the Hippocratic Oath, psychologists have a Code of Ethics that we must follow. It is in the public domain and you can familiarize yourself with it.

Total:

The first visit to a psychologist can really cause a lot of anxiety and, unfortunately, sometimes not unfounded.

The choice of a psychologist is a rather responsible task. But you will never know how the first meeting goes if you do not decide on it.

It is also important to know that you always have a choice to continue these meetings or not. And all this will be stipulated in your contract.

I wish you a successful first meeting!