2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I find it important to make a reservation that I do not welcome stereotypes and generalizations. Having worked with clients individually for 10 years (teaching spoken English is my main paraphia), I made sure that every person is a person who would be selfishly adjusted to fit any framework.
I specialize in communication lessons. In order to determine my client's level of spoken English, as trite as it may sound, I need to talk to him. A few sentences are enough for me to understand where and how a person studied - sometimes down to school and the books that he used on the educational path.
Expanding the psychotherapeutic toolkit and working through my own deep feelings, I began to understand that it is extremely unprofitable to fit people to the same size. Not only does it morally elevate each of us above our human brother, injecting a solution of complacency into our blood. This also serves as the basis for a number of countertransferences and condescending attitude towards the personality of another person. As a result, we cannot see a person in a person and build relationships on mutual respect and observance of rim boundaries, which is relevant both for a person who is far from psychology and for a psychotherapist.
The worst thing a psychologist can do is to put a stamp on a person and attribute qualities to the client's multifaceted nature that will not even be inherent in this person. Psychological work requires attention and familiarity, especially when it comes to well-hidden experiences.
Therefore, instead of unreasonable generalizations that work on the principle of “a finger to the sky”, I propose to consider certain aspects of human existence. I hope that this article will serve as a starting point for novice psychologists, or those who are not indifferent to human nature and are not alien to suffering - solely in order to subsequently serve the client a good service and help find a way out humanly: without a word of mouth and hanging stereotypes …
How to understand that a person is unhappy
It’s very simple. An unhappy person is a criticizing person.
You can easily determine which area of a person's life worries.
If a person does not trust / sees a catch in everything, imagine what demons tirelessly pull his soul. If a person deliberately accuses officials that they are corrupt officials and thieves, there is a high probability that such a person is not rich and grew up in a family where guilt was implanted for money.
If a person criticizes beautiful people, as if trying to suck their flaws out of the finger - he is worried about his appearance and is at odds with himself.
An insecure person can often try to catch another in a line that he greets in himself, but does not want to admit in any way. The insecure person is sure of one thing: if he attacks first, the victim will have to defend himself. It is not surprising that among insecure people there are many subconscious manipulators.
It makes no sense for a happy person to see a straw in the eye of another
How to understand that a person is confident in himself
In the 11th grade, I was a keg. When a popular boy called me “pie” in chemistry class, my resentment was endless. The verbal shootout did not last long, but my classmates and the teacher could easily observe how, foaming at my mouth, I denied what I myself know very well - my precious pounds.
Now I weigh half as much. I have beautiful light eyes. I am a blonde with a slender figure. I'm proud of it, yes! My appearance is my fortress. When my husband calls me “crocodile” or laments that my ass will not crawl through the doorway, as soon as I knock over the bottle of cologne, I deliberately sniff and puff out my cheeks exponentially: ridiculous!
A confident person turns everything into a joke and often laughs. He is not offended by remarks about his personality, charisma, figure. His ego is invulnerable - and next to him is always easy and comfortable. Such a person will not translate the arrows, including the “look at yourself” reaction.
If you see that a person is laughing heartily, as soon as you touch him by the barrel that accidentally fell to the surface, you should know: there is a man in front of you who is satisfied with his figure.
How to understand that a person is jealous
Envious people feed on comparisons. It is difficult for such a person to give compliments about an area in which he himself is trying to succeed. While envy can transform into an engine of progress for individuals, it can burst like poison inside and poison a person's thoughts.
If a person is not able to praise you in an area that, in your opinion, is important to both of you (especially when you openly seek support in him in this regard), this may indicate an envious black worm devouring him from the inside.
Jealous people surround themselves with items they buy specifically to create envy. Does this bring them happiness? There are doubts.
What if you caught yourself in one of the above points?
Take up alchemy. Do not be afraid of your vices. Transform them into golden engines of progress. Direct your own gaze deep into yourself and understand why certain words and actions hurt you. Perhaps it is better to thank these people for their comments and recapitulations, for they point us to what we should pay close attention to.
Conclusion for psychologists. Having a trusting conversation with a client is an important part of working on human problems. Knowledge of psychotypes and accentuations helps a lot when working with a client, but do not forget that you are a living person who has gone through a number of influences throughout his life, which, mixed with a genetic predisposition, explain the picture that you have the honor to observe (without a grain of irony) in front of you. yourself in the office.
Conclusion for non-psychologists. Friends, I ask you: do not rush to save anyone. If you find this or that gap in the character of a person close to you, remember that uninvited, intentional help gets on your nerves worse than random advice. More often than not, we ourselves know what is wrong with us, and we make an effort to mend the gap. You do not need to go into the unfinished hole with your finger and pick out the basting seam. It is unlikely that this will contribute to joyful communication.
If communication with any person hurts you, let him go. Do not give him a reason to "vampire", but do not yourself ascend, like a great master, over him. Such relationships are destructive; they lock both sides and destroy each side from the inside.
Conclusion for everyone. Analyzing how you are feeling at any given moment is very helpful. Ask yourself questions. Ask: "How do I feel and why?", "Where is the root of this problem?" and, of course, the most important: “Can I solve this? If so, how? If not, maybe it will be easier to come to terms with it?"
Like many of my colleagues on this site, I encourage you to learn to be honest with yourself. Honesty neutralizes long-term pain, and the sky, clouded with uncertainty, apathy and suffering, is clarified a little bit.
Lilia Cardenas, psycholinguist, announcer, writer, English teacher
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