Family In A Modern Metropolis

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

This article is the product of a philosophical generalization of 8 years of experience with the method of "Systemic family constellation according to Hellinger". And some things, in spite of the fact that they claim to be a certain philosophical "depth", are just the result of observing what is happening on the "constellations" and in life, and comparing them

As a result, such a logic of reasoning has developed, based on the sequential development of the following provisions

the family is a system> the system has qualities that are fundamentally different from personal ones> these qualities are unconscious and therefore incomprehensible to the individual and the modern pace supports this phenomenon> there is a contradiction between systemic and personal principles, and this is the basis of many family conflicts> the modern metropolis, the brainchild of civilization, is oriented towards primarily for the interests of the individual>

Systemic family values are outside the scope of the interests of the development of civilization> It is easier for a separate (lonely) personality to correspond to the "spirit of the times" and to meet its requirements (ie, to a modern metropolis)> The personality chooses a metropolis, but the family "does not notice"> An alliance of two strong arises: the metropolis and the personality, and the family is the third extra> And, if this is the result of the modern development of our civilization, then who is she?

So, the family is a systemic phenomenon, not reducible to the relationship between its members (whether they are registered or not) and to their personal characteristics. There is a formula that metaphorically describes the systemic principle: 1 + 1> 2, i.e. in the family (system) there are qualities and principles of a completely new, different from our individual nature. And these qualities cannot be controlled from our individual existence. They are unknown to us and inaccessible, i.e. unconscious. One of them, most often used in the systemic family constellation - the systemic conscience, like our own and even more - is invulnerable to our ability to influence it.

But the family, being a system, lives according to systemic laws that are not always clear. And our modern pace, a rapidly changing world, only adds to the ambiguity, drawing our strength away from our own personal concerns. And the family is a system, it becomes even more incomprehensible, and therefore a little alien, and even for some - a difficult burden. So our personal, more or less clear to us, principles come into an unconscious conflict with systemic principles.

The contradiction between systemic and personal principles is the basis of most family tragedies. The systemic family psychotherapy "Systemic family constellation according to B. Hellinger" is built on the resolution of this contradiction, one of the key concepts of which is "systemic conscience".

In order not to be unfounded, it is worth explaining the work of the systemic conscience, which, guided by some systemic laws, works for the system as a whole, in its interests, at the same time conflicting with our personal conscience, with our personal ideas about "how it should be."

One of the laws protected by the systemic conscience is the law of "belonging", which states that any member of the family in a broad sense, genus, belongs to her, regardless of his personal merits, from his personal biography. Sometimes this may contradict our personal convictions, when we want to “forget” or “exclude” one of our relatives from the memory of the family, clan, because he led an “unrighteous,” unworthy life for our clan.

And our personal belief in its uselessness pushes us and our relatives to the decision to forget it, as if it did not exist at all. So that neither children nor grandchildren know about its existence! So we will be calmer. Time passes, and our intention partially works, and in family stories, legends, this person is absent, he is not remembered at the family table, neighbors do not ask about him, etc. Our personal consciences are calm.

But the systemic conscience will not allow the violation of the law of belonging, which is subject to it alone. And then in subsequent generations a person will be born who, by himself, with his life, with his fate, will fill the fate of the excluded, fill the "hole" formed by his oblivion. Moreover, he will do this contrary to his own desires and beliefs, but simply his whole fate will develop in this way. He will not live by his own free will, but by "systemic coercion", being the epicenter of many family conflicts.

There are a number of laws protected by the systemic conscience, and all of them, as is clear, cannot be realized at the level of personal existence.

And the Modern Megapolis, being the legitimate brainchild of our ego-oriented civilization, with all its development is oriented towards the personality and its values (career, power, fame, etc.), as opposed to the values of "community and family". It is easier for a single person to correspond to a modern metropolis, and he is also oriented towards it. And Systemic values do not fit well and correlate with the values of the megalopolis, and thus it is difficult for us to "recognize" the systemic values and their recognition, to reconcile with the personal values of our family members. In our time, everything is changing so rapidly that only a free, mobile, and this, as a rule, a lonely person, can keep up with the "life".

And the family, having its own different inner temperament, even comparative passivity, naturally does not have time and is perceived by many of our contemporaries as archaic, a burden, etc. MThe megalopolis (and there are many such, due to human weakness), is closely "in the family", and it often chooses (not always consciously) between the megalopolis and the family in favor of the former. And the family, as a system, with its values and laws, finds itself "between two fires" - an individual and a metropolis, both of which are strong in the manifestation and awareness of their goals and values and therefore choose each other as equal partners.

Probably, if we compare the percentage of single people, families now and, say, a hundred years ago, we will get strong confirmation of our conclusions. Although in a family you can be lonely, especially in our time.

Thus, Many family problems in the modern metropolis are a reflection of the tendencies of the "development" of our civilization and its offspring - the modern metropolis. I recall the words of Gumilev that our civilization is a chimera. The family is one of the conquests of the culture of mankind, which did not immediately arise with the appearance of man, and the fact that, as civilization develops, it turns out to be less and less in demand, makes one think about goals, values and prices.

Civilization is losing its culture - psychotherapeutic practice pushes it towards it.

Volkov V. A..