2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Today I devote our conversation to the topic of the fear of value judgments. And in general, the assessment of their actions and actions. Let's figure it out. Who does it?
Just ask yourself this question frankly and be sincere in your answer. Catch the image of who is criticizing you in your head? Maybe you know this voice? The manner of speaking, intonation. Whose is he? Is he male or female? Do you talk to them most often?
There is nothing reprehensible in reasoning and thinking out of ears, but with yourself alone. I'm talking about an almost subtle, perhaps even subtle, advisor that influences your decision-making. Stops or encourages one or another of your undertakings. At the moment of transition of intentions into actions. Before anything happens, a decision must be made. Allow yourself to do this.
Let's say you grew up in a family where the father is a tough directive educator, accustomed to the unconditional fulfillment of his will. And in the discussion of all for or against, he practically did not participate, prohibiting or allowing, in a word, more often the first. Or let's say a mom, who is not used to going into something carefully, especially to take on something new or unusual. Have you presented? So I have a question for you, that in such a family, I am repeatedly used to hearing a child (
except for rare happy accidents) to your questions about new opportunities and offers, when I went to ask their permission?
We all went and asked, that was the way it was. And even now you are even 48, or as many years old as you like, the first reaction to an event in your life, quite possibly, will sound in a very familiar voice … of one of the people who matter to you. So they left their parents, but the habit of asking authoritative personalities remained … Why? Do you still expect a different answer from them? A different reaction or permission to live in your own way? I often use the word habit on purpose, since this is what it is. But she's yours, right? So only you can decide what to do with it. Leave to live with her like this, or revise in accordance with the need to live more consciously and happily. Just imagine that you are accustomed, before making a decision, or after, to still assess yourself by someone else's (borrowed from someone) standards and criteria? Where are you at this moment? Who will take responsibility for making decisions in this case. Maybe the one who needs the result? Someone who is ready to win and wants to enjoy it.
Some even reject any opportunity to think again … Why? Experience is a stubborn thing … And what's the point of asking if over the years the answers to all possible questions have already been learned by heart. Or do you still expect to get a different answer? Have a critic? Are you serious? Here's an example of such a dialogue. Thoughts and your reactions to them.
- Hey, hello! Here's a new opportunity for you!
…………No.
- There is a pretty girl or guy, come and meet!
…………No.
- A new branch of the firm is opening, can you try to head it?
……. No, no and NO!
- But why?
…….. And I can't do it….
And in my head at this moment, in a familiar voice:
- "You can't do it, don't even think, it happened 150 times already … And I / we told you" … and so on. etc.
Sound familiar? Yes, at least 200 times it happened, now you are different / different and each time a different result is possible. Unless, of course, you do not fulfill the will of the critic … And what if you simply justify the assessment of the parents, fulfill their will, whatever it may be … We will talk about self-fulfilling prophecies another time …
In fact, this critic can be anyone. Even you yourself. And if so, why not try to talk to yourself differently. From the position of a good friend, approving, permissive and supportive. Even if there is no example of this from life. You know what he could be, that you would like to trust him. Become such a person to yourself … and no one else will ever be able to undermine your faith in yourself, in success and in happiness. Checked. The result is guaranteed. Try it. All good, new experience, satisfaction and pleasure.
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