💥 How Do They Take A Husband Out Of The Family? 💥 Family Psychologist Zberovsky Will Tell All The Tricks And Tricks Of The Mistresses

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Step 1. Sex leaves the family for a mistress

Since the real average number of sexual contacts that suit an ordinary person is three to four a week, personal meetings of lovers should take place at least three times a week and always be accompanied by intimacy. Then the husband gradually ceases to be interested in his wife (even a young, beautiful, slim and sexy) as a woman. This works even if the husband at the time of the emergence of the "left" relationship had a completely normal intimate relationship with his wife. If marital intimacy was already rare and uninteresting at the start of the betrayal, this destroys it completely. With the death of the spousal intimacy, the family relations themselves begin to disintegrate like a house of cards, from under which a base card was pulled out. A wife who has accumulated sexual tension begins to demand from her husband the fulfillment of her conjugal duty, but usually few people accept sex on the principle of “out of the way”. This is how the usual loopback scheme arises:

Less sex means more emotional stress in the family

More emotional stress in the family - less sex

Then everything goes in a circle, the first follows from the second, the second from the first. As a result, even three times heroic efforts of the wife to improve the situation with family sex rarely succeed.

Step 2. The family is losing weekends and holidays

One of the days when lovers meet must be a day off. In this case, the wife becomes even more nervous. Since weekends are traditionally used by all families as an opportunity to visit relatives or friends, the husband's eternal employment on weekends leads to the fact that the family begins to lose touch with their traditional social circle. Relatives and friends feel that “something is wrong” in this family. This begins to gradually prepare them mentally for the future deterioration of the situation. In addition, a couple without an active family pastime on the weekend begins to become frankly bored in communication. Also, due to the eternal employment of the husband and his mistress on weekends, unfulfilled household chores begin to accumulate in the family in a multitude: something is not screwed on, not taken out, not bought or repaired. Because of this, the wife begins to put pressure on her husband, which continues to worsen the psychological atmosphere in the family and paralyze family intimacy.

Step 3. Formation of the husband's shadow budget

A married man gradually gets used to the fact that every meeting with his mistress is worth some expenses: a cup of coffee, delicious desserts, business lunches, dinners, gifts, flowers and chocolates. The candy-bouquet period in relation to love relationships was just invented to begin the formation of a separate shadow budget for cheating husbands, an alternative to the family budget. Just as a cell in the process of reproduction is constantly divided by two, so the existing family budget, due to the husband's activity on the issue of his future breeding with another woman, also begins to divide into two parts. Of course, this automatically leads to lower costs for the family, which also causes tension in the relationship with the abducted wife.

If during the year the mistress is not able to achieve stable two or three meetings and sexual contacts per week (with the weekend) from a married man and the costs of their communication, their relationship will never develop. In the future, on someone's initiative, they will be curtailed. However, if the mistress succeeds, this relationship can last for many years. After about a year of such a relationship, a married man gets used to living in such a rhythm, in fact - in two women, in two houses. However, there is a nuance:

Stabilizing the second woman

always means destabilizing first

That is, strengthening the position of a mistress is always a deterioration in the position of a wife. Which is quite logical. In a period of stability, every person begins to dream that this will be so for many years, and preferably all his life. Married men are no exception. Here the main thing for the mistress is still to have iron patience not to frighten off such a man and to hold out next to him in the same mode for another year or two. The main enemy of the mistress in this case will be her intemperance and haste. If she starts to put pressure on the man too early, he, like a fish that has not had time to deeply swallow the hook, can break loose and leave. If the girl holds out for two or three years, the likelihood of capturing new key heights, which are steps 4-6, increases dramatically.

Step 4. Formation of an alternative family nest

More and more aware of his moral and intimate dependence on this girl, who does not want to stop all this "illegal happiness", the married lover will certainly begin to strengthen the material base for meetings. And himself. He will rent an apartment for a girl, solve her dormitory issue, help her buy her own home, move her to one of her own apartments, if any. Will make repairs where she lives, buy furniture and household appliances. Will give a fur coat, a ticket to the sea or a car. Taking care in this case, first of all, “about himself, beloved,” the man, nevertheless, is already taking direct steps to create a material basis for the future family. So he already finds himself in a second marriage, although he does not always understand this.

Getting used to the second home is always a blow to the first.

In this case, it is appropriate to answer the question of many wives about why their husbands, usually so stingy, spend so generously a lot of money on their mistress. It's about sex and habit. During his marriage, a man gets used to the idea that all his expenses on a woman are an investment in himself, because everything is in the house! He automatically transfers this behavioral stereotype to his mistress. In addition, since the reproductive instinct is stronger than the self-preservation instinct, many husbands simply do not admit the idea that their mistresses can appropriate everything they donated. Hence there are so many deceived and robbed lovers … However, let's not pity them: you have to pay for everything with money. Including sex and education. Especially for training.

Life always teaches only for a fee. Sometimes the price is not only property, but life itself.

The successful formation of an alternative family nest always leads to the fact that a certain husband has a second family home. Regardless of who owns it and whose money it is supported by, they are always very much waiting for him there! It is after a clear definition of a stable place for meetings that a situation so pleasant for a man arises, when a pretty girl always meets him with a smile on her lips, and sees him off with sadness and tears, with all her appearance offering to stay forever. If a couple comes to such a situation, it means that for the man's wife, the situation becomes much more complicated. If a couple does not form such a "love nest", this love affair, with a high degree of probability, will collapse, "dissolve" even without some counter-action on the part of the wife.

A lover without her own corner is a gift to his wife!

Especially if the husband himself is not rich. Most often, the wife does not even know about these relationships, since they will not develop into anything.

Step 5. Entangling a married man in a web of lies

Spending a lot of time with his mistress, investing money in her, the husband has to gradually increase the volume of his lies to his wife and children. Since he is forced to deceive them several times a week, and human memory is not unlimited, the husband begins to get confused in his own testimony: where he was, what he did, with whom he communicated. Fearing to accidentally let it slip, the unfaithful husband tries to communicate with his wife as little as possible. Who, more and more feeling the growing problems in the family, on the contrary, remembers absolutely everything that her husband tells her. Thus, the husband in the future gives his wife an increasing number of reasons for dissatisfaction with his behavior. That will later play a role in sorting out the relationship when the wife finds out about the betrayal. As a result, the husband himself worsens the moral and psychological climate in his family that, in contrast to them, the relationship with his mistress seems to him more and more frank, interesting and positive. Although in reality the relationship with his mistress can be at the same level all the time or even deteriorate, but it is against the backdrop of a decline in family relationships that they seem to her husband to be on the rise.

Step 6. The appearance of a man's feelings of guilt towards his mistress, dulling of feelings of guilt towards his family

After the love affair lasts from a year to three years, a decent responsible man begins to feel more and more his personal guilt for stealing her life time from his girlfriend. In saying this, there is an important caveat to be made:

To create a long-term relationship with a mistress

only very responsible and decent men go

Other categories of men simply do not do this! Male consumers generally have no desire to date someone for a long time. Moreover, they do not want to feel that they owe or owe anyone. And smart women also do not need relationships with such selfish men who take more than give. Meanwhile, only patient and responsible girls can create long-term relationships. Of course, not always highly moral, but in any case - not fools. So it turns out that only very responsible and decent men who have met the same responsible and patient girls acquire long-term mistresses. Like ocean ships covered with shells, decent men sailing on the sea of life are overgrown with long-term love affairs, the expediency of which is not always clear to them themselves. But it is understandable to all their women, both legal and illegal. All this is completely unsurprising and absolutely logical. The fact is that:

Only good husbands are always stable lovers.

After all, it is for these qualities - responsibility, decency and kindness (often even controllability), once they were chosen as their husbands by the current wives! So if some women were ready to marry these men and strenuously married them to themselves, then it is quite understandable that there is a similar zeal in this matter of those other women who start from the starting position of mistresses. In fairness, it should be recognized that all legitimate wives can be conditionally divided into three categories:

- half defended their future husband from his former girlfriends and other competitors (including - beat off from the first wife);

- one third seduced him at all and helped him to start an intimate life for the first time;

- only one third fell victim to very persistent courtship from her husband.

That is why I approve the thesis, which at first may seem seditious to many:

Married men with long-term mistresses

in essence, they are all the same responsible and decent

If someone does not agree with the use of the concept of "decent" in relation to cheating husbands, I will explain. In the broadest sense of the word, the term "decent" cannot be applied to any of the men who have had intimate contact with a woman at least once before marriage, and these are the absolute majority in our time! From my point of view, as a psychologist, responsible and decent men are those who always strive to do well "for both ours and yours": to conscientiously fulfill their duties as husband and father both in the existing family and in front of the mistress for whom from some point in time (as it seems to him) he begins to bear responsibility. What, in fact, the latter uses with might and main.

Precisely on the basis of a clear understanding that husbands without bad habits, diligently working for the good of the family, should not be scattered about and give them to everyone who wishes to use them, the author persistently dissuades women who have convicted their husbands of treason from quick decisions about divorce. I am convinced:

There is no need to give gifts to those who do not deserve them.

These are no longer gifts, but a shameful tribute

Now I will return to my original idea.

The admission of one's guilt is an admission of one's responsibility

Accepting responsibility is always a step towards compensation

The optimal compensation for living without a family is either money,

or still creating a family with someone you love

Hence, after a year or two or three, every decent married lover realizes with horror that he is stealing the best years of the life of the one who nevertheless connected her life with him, despite the fact that he is married. Moreover, every clever mistress will hammer into the head of her "married man" hundreds of times the thought that before that she would never have thought that she would meet with a married man, and even love him … But love is evil, and this married man is too painful tried to fall in love with himself, and therefore took on the sought responsibility … Thus, a married man understands that he has very serious obligations to his mistress. And as mentioned above, these people are used to fulfilling their obligations literally at any cost. The saddest part is at the cost of both your own happiness and the happiness of your wife and children. This is how a sad paradox arises:

With a long-term love affair, the feeling of guilt towards the mistress, who steals the best years of her life, often turns out to be stronger than the feeling of guilt towards the wife, which in fact gave her husband an even more significant part of her biography

By the time the mistress (when - delicately and unobtrusively, and once - frankly and straightforwardly) declares to a married man that the years are passing, it is high time for her to give birth, and the man himself (in his words) - suffers from life with an unloved wife, he already deeply feels the loss of connection with his wife. A minimum of intimacy, and boring. Going out to the cinema and a group of friends - due to the need to keep in touch. Communication with your wife - only on the topic: what to buy, what to cook, how is the child doing? Moreover, most husbands do not feel much guilt for this deterioration, or rather, the formalization of relations with their wife. And the point is not at all that they have deteriorated and hardened in soul. Not at all! As the practice of their experiences after a divorce shows, they are all right with their souls and mental pain. It's just that at a given period of time, a certain psychological regularity operates:

Man only feels guilty

in front of those people with whom he is comfortable to communicate

But he is inclined to blame everything on those people

who is indifferent or unpleasant to him

For example, a wife with whom he has neither decent sex, nor pleasant leisure, nor plans to spend a pension by the warm sea. She appears to her husband to be guilty, although he still remembers the time when everything was fine in the family. Therefore, the husband's feeling of guilt towards his wife is anesthetized by pleasant erotic impressions from his girlfriend. But in front of a long-term mistress, with whom it is so pleasant to spend days and nights, the feeling of guilt for the absence of a divorce proceedings and a new wedding is gradually becoming intolerable.

As soon as a married man began to feel awkward in front of his mistress, as soon as he begins to understand that it is time to fulfill his vague promises “to be together forever, forever,” he begins to think about the technical side of the process. This is already step 7.

Step 7. Understanding by a married man that he is at an impasse

My observations show that not only after a year or two, but even after three to five or seven years of living in two families, married men are still in no hurry to divorce their wife.

However, more often than not, married men still do not fulfill their promises, they pull and pull everything. It is this moment in time that is the bifurcation point, the sharpest peak for determining the fate of the entire love triangle. If the wife does the right thing, and the mistress makes a mistake, the husband will return to the bosom of the family with a feeling of great satisfaction. Moreover, he will cross himself with relief that God has taken away. If the wife is mistaken, and the mistress does everything right, her chances, although they will not become one hundred percent, will increase noticeably. But, most importantly: as soon as a married man begins to openly delay the practical implementation of the seemingly long-voiced and long-suffering decision to divorce, as a rule, two things happen:

- or a husband who is morally tired of a double life himself begins to make such behavioral mistakes that they will certainly lead to the discovery of a connection by his wife;

- or a clever mistress realizes that she will have to rely only on herself in this matter. And either she herself leaves a man who turns out to be too indecisive, or she herself begins to act in such a way that his wife finds out about her existence. Her move in this direction will be step # 8.

Step number 8. The wife learns about the existence of her husband's long-term mistress

Listing the main mistakes of the mistress, we talked about the fact that she should not reveal her connection in front of his wife too early. However, as soon as the love relationship stabilized, it lasted more than a year or two, but at the same time it became clear that the man sitting on the hook of female charms is still scared and painful to leave the family, the mistress is forced to take action. And there are some nuances here.

A stupid mistress takes a man from his family herself

clever makes her husband kick out of the house by his wife

In this scenario, it is the wife who takes the lion's share of the blame for the destruction of the family, the unfaithful husband turns into the “injured party,” and the mistress has nothing to do with it. To get this ideal result for lovemakers, first of all, they need to communicate their presence to the lover's wife. All means are good for this. In the presence of the task of "detecting a connection", no matter how careful the man is, no matter how he tries to exclude the possibility of his puncture, thanks to the direct or indirect help of his mistress, the wife will still find out everything. After an explosion of emotions occurs in the family, when angry cries and tears subside, a certain relief even arises in the soul of a man: “From now on, the wife knows everything! Finally, you can no longer hide and play around! Lord, as much as it hurts me, detection is still for the best. " This is the time for step # 9.

Step number 9. Moral support for a lover in his conflict with his wife

When all the secret becomes clear, every third husband who cheated on his wife leaves his family home and leaves. Where he goes and why, it was said in the first chapters of the book, so I will not repeat myself. Another 15-20% of husbands hesitate and can leave home within a few weeks. About half of men stubbornly continue to live at home, even morally deciding to divorce. Many at this very time repent of their deeds, try to make peace with their wife. In this difficult period of life, most mistresses have to morally support men of absolutely all of these categories. Why exactly everyone, and not just those who leave home? Because "the intrigue will go away forever or will it remain?" persists for a long period of time, sometimes up to a year.

Support strategies for unfaithful husbands vary. Some mistresses try to behave emphatically noble, declaring: “ Dear, if your family is so important to you, I can sacrifice myself for this …Throw me and live on as if we had nothing … . Thus, they avoid responsibility for what is happening and count on the fact that their external readiness to sacrifice for the sake of a loved one will give them additional bonuses.

Others artificially inflame their lovers with phrases like: “Well, do you deserve to be treated like this ?! How could your wife take and put you out the door after you have been a completely worthy husband and father for so many years ?! You never know that you have another woman, after all, everyone has them completely … I confess: when you complained to me about your wife, you didn’t believe you, I thought you were cheating. However, now I actually see what a terrible shrew she is! I'm really, really sorry for you. You, as a man, husband and father, deserve a better life. To the best of my modest strength, I will try to make your life brighter and kinder!.

Still others, especially girls from among those who criticized the man's wife long before the discovery of the connection, state with satisfaction: “Well, just what I always told you happened, and you didn’t believe me: you were insulted and kicked out! You will see, they will also take away the apartment! And then all your life you will pay her money so that she skates like cheese in butter … It was high time to leave her! I tell you the right things, but you never listen to me …”.

Whatever the support strategies, they have the same essence: to convince a married man who has experienced severe stress (no matter how many years he prepares for a decisive conversation with his wife, no one is ever fully ready for this!) That everything that happened is completely not a tragedy! Moreover, the scandal with his wife is just a start in a new family life, which will be much better than the previous one. First of all, because now next to this man there will be a much better girl than before! Therefore, there is no reason for grief or binge, it's time to act: file for divorce, get married and have new children!

The tougher and more aggressive after discovering her husband's infidelity

the wife will behave, the easier it is for the mistress to take him for herself

The height of moral support is the statement of the mistress about her readiness to accept a man leaving the family: in her own home, in her parents' apartment, in rented housing or even in a hostel. Or jointly rent some kind of common housing. Hence, the end of this stage will be the relocation of the husband who left the family to the “woman of her dreams”.

Step 10. Creating a fugitive husband in a new place of residence of such comfortable living conditions that would not be inferior to the conditions of his life in the family

This step is key. No matter how much a man loves his mistress, no matter how sexy, wealthy or businesslike she is, no matter how much his wife offends him, no matter how emotional or principled the husband may be - for a period from a week to a year, he still will come to his senses, the level of its adequacy will increase markedly. And the final outcome of this invisible world of the struggle of two women for one husband depends on what he sees around him precisely at the moment of clarification of consciousness. Hence, these women face quite specific tasks: The priority task of the mistress is that after discovering the betrayal and resettlement of a man who left the family with her, as long as possible not to turn into a classic wife, but to behave exactly like a mistress. Until the implementation of the divorce and the creation of a new marriage, strictly following all the "ten commandments of a successful mistress." If she too quickly takes on the role of wife and begins to demand too much from a man who is in stress or depression, he will surely break down mentally. It will break down even if the mistress becomes pregnant with joy. A broken man will either return back to the family, or none of the women will get it at all, starting a new life, or will cease to satisfy the interests of the mistress herself and she will personally escort the morally worn-out husband back to his wife. Therefore, the transformation of a mistress into a wife should not take place at once (which will immediately scare a man away from her), but in stages and very dosed and carefully.

The priority task of the wife is to prove to her husband that his mistress has such obvious defects in her behavior that the husband simply has not yet had time to see and realize, and the wife herself may well rebuild her behavior, be competitive in comparison with his passion, also create comfortable living conditions for the husband. Including - moral and psychological. The sooner the wife achieves this, the faster and for a long time the husband will return to the family. At the same time, we are not talking about the fact that the angry wife also immediately began to follow all ten commandments of her mistress! Although, of course, you will have to take something from there. But the main thing is that in this difficult life situation, the wife should show herself to a hesitant or departed husband not only as a wife, but also as a woman!

I emphasize: it is a wife and a woman at the same time!The fact is that most of the wives who find out that their husband has a serious love affair mistakenly begin to play the role of a deceived and abandoned unhappy mother. Hence, they either try to return their husband home at any cost, sinking to the extreme degree of humiliation. Or, on the contrary, they unambiguously drive him to divorce, trying to squeeze the maximum material values and alimony out of the unfaithful husband. Of course, angry wives can be understood, but it is important to see something else: no matter how much a man loves his child, no matter how much his wife plays on it, more often than not, he understands: a mistress is able to give birth to other children! If the wife also makes such a gross mistake as she starts to turn the child / children against the father, then she will lose him with a high degree. This is because the role of the wife and the woman is much broader than the role of the mother, because the role of the wife automatically includes the role of the sexual woman, the role of the housewife, and the role of the mother. The narrowing of her status by a wife during the struggle for her husband to the role of only a mother creates favorable starting conditions for such an intelligent lover who can gradually add to her role as a beloved and sexy and good-looking woman the image of a caring housewife, and then a mother. We will talk about this later. Now something else is important:

If the man who left his wife for his mistress is comfortable with her, he will not return back. If the level of comfort of life for the mistress begins to decrease, and for the wife - to increase, the return of the prodigal husband will become a matter of time.

This is the whole main intrigue of the behavior of the wife and mistress in the period after the discovery by the wife of the fact of infidelity on the part of her husband. Whoever behaves as wiser as possible will get a husband.