💥 CHILDFREY, PERSONAL LONELINESS AND HORMONES. 💥 WHY I DO NOT WANT A FAMILY AND CHILDREN - THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION YOU WILL FIND IN THE ARTICLE. 💥 PSYCH

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Childfree, personal loneliness and hormones. This article was written by me specifically for those who wish to understand the phenomenon of "Childfree" in modern culture, to understand the psychology of these people. But especially for the respected childfree women and men themselves! Because, as a practicing psychologist, it is very painful for me to observe both the misconceptions about ourselves that are characteristic of many "chilfree", and the consequences that overtake some of them at the age of 40+.

Let's get straight to the point: Childfree are men and women who profess a deeply conscious desire never to have children. They emphasize the high awareness of their choice of rejection of parenting and gender (sexual) behavior, noting the rationality of this position. Like, we thought well; weighed all the pros and cons; everything was taken into account; life is one, and therefore there is nothing to spend it on diapers and wiping baby snot and poop and all that!; since the coffins are single-bedded, it is necessary to have time to invest only in yourself, your loved ones, and not in the representatives of the opposite sex and descendants. " By the way, in continuation of their logic, many childfree also oppose the institution of the family in principle; against the very relationship "man-woman", sometimes - even against sex, as a sign of "animality."

Everything sounds outwardly reasonable and beautiful. But not from the point of view of a psychologist. The psychologist knows: human behavior, in addition to an endless series of accidents, is determined by seven basic factors:

1. Genetics, i.e. heredity. 2. The peculiarities of a woman's pregnancy and childbirth. 3. Injuries and illnesses; 4. Hormones; 5. Children and youth education (primarily in the family). 6. Socialization, first in adolescence, and then in an adult social environment; By its very conditions: cultural values, meanings, traditions, norms, religious concepts, ideology, etc. era).

At the same time, the seventh point, with all due respect to our consciousness, is only the "cherry on the cake", the decoration on the cake, and not the cake itself. Our consciousness gives only about 10% of the thoughts and actions of about the same percentage of the world's population. Genetics, heredity are very important, but they are always in sight! Everything is clear with it, because it can be corrected. Thin - fatten, fat - slim, muscles and talents - to develop, hair - dye or cut, face and teeth - remake, etc. Everyone strives to make pregnancy comfortable, averaging all children for this item. Injuries and illnesses are treated or compensated for, they are also visible. Social circle and profession in adulthood can be changed many times. Like the sexual partner, country, region, religion, position, etc.

The most decisive are points 4 and 5, since they retain the maximum long-term impact on a person's life and personal trajectory. How we were raised in childhood (with what books, examples, knowledge, events and skills, etc.), this is how we will most often be. And our sex hormones will fall on top of this, which will actively turn on after 10-12 years and begin to determine our sexual attractiveness, courage and vitality, communication skills, readiness for new things, goals and direction of our actions, etc. Or, conversely, first hormones, and then the culture of our childhood. Here lies a great ignorance of people about the reasons for the appearance of chalfries and a huge childfree misconception about themselves. Associated with an overestimation of the degree of consciousness of one's choice and an underestimation of family / childhood factors and hormones. Moreover, for valid reasons: more often than not, simply out of ignorance.

Therefore, as a practicing psychologist, I want to reduce this ignorance of ourselves and the factors that determine our thinking and behavior. In order not to make childfree hostages of their delusions or illusions.

Let's start with hormones. Male and female sex hormones (estrogens, androgens) from 10-12 years old begin to assert themselves more and more loudly, changing not only the body of growing up boys and girls, but also their behavior. Not only shaping a common desire to communicate with members of the opposite sex, but also encouraging them to be more active in communication issues. In the interval from 14 to 20 years, the call of hormones should reach such a peak level when the individual can no longer resist them, discards various complexes and begins to build love and intimate relationships. Getting that important experience, without which it will be difficult for him / her in the future to start a family and realize his parenting.

And here there is an important circumstance. For all this to work properly, according to the biological and social patterns that have been established for many millennia, boys and girls, boys and girls must fulfill five conditions:

• - spend as much time as possible outdoors, that is, to be in the sun;
• - try to get enough sleep, including going to bed before 10 pm;
• - eat well, paying special attention to the presence in the diet of not only carbohydrates, but especially proteins and fats, animal and plant origin (since only they provide all the most essential minerals, trace elements and amino acids, such as tryptophan);
• - engage in physical activity, sports, stimulating your muscles with tension, ensuring the growth of your muscle mass with fatigue;
• - to have the opportunity of informal personal communication with other peers, both of their own and of the opposite sex.

Why? Because only a complex of these five conditions allows our body (especially a young and growing one) to produce in sufficient quantities such basic hormones as serotonin and melatonin. The lack of these hormones knocks down the circadian rhythms in the body, depresses our endocrine system, interfering with the regular production of sex hormones. This leads to the fact that girls produce too much of the male sex hormone testosterone and lack of estrogen, while boys and young men do not have enough male testosterone.

And just now, for the last thirty years, due to global scientific, technical and socio-economic changes, life has appeared, which I call "Life without the Sun"

The specificity of life without the Sun has five features:

♦ 1. People go under the roof to study and work before the Sun, leave the premises after the Sun or at sunset. Children, adolescents and adults now practically never go to the Sun, spending all their free time indoors, without receiving ultraviolet radiation, and therefore vitamins of group B and D, without which the body has difficulties with the synthesis of many hormones, essential vitamins and amino acids.

♦ 2. Electricity and television, extending daylight hours, led to the fact that going to bed began to occur not at 20-21 hours, as was customary for millennia, when people lived "according to the Sun", but at 23-24 hours, which first knocks down the production in the body of the basic hormones serotonin and melatonin. And their lack, by the domino effect, leads to a deficiency of sex hormones.

♦ 3. The amount of carbohydrates in the diet has dramatically increased and the level of proteins and fats has dropped, especially of animal origin. That has ceased to give the body material for the construction of basic and sex hormones.

♦ 4. Decrease in physical activity (especially if there is no sport yet) tells the body that a person is still a child, who has not yet embarked on the difficulties of adulthood, which does not include active stimulation of the production of serotonin and sex hormones.

♦ 5. Digitalization of communication over the Internet, life-on-line reduced the possibilities of live communication. And the lack of the opportunity to feel other people's smells / pheromones and touch, again, does not include either stimulation of the production of sex hormones, or the inclusion of sexual behavior, leaving all this, in the literal sense of the word, "at the children's level."

Hence, the result: an increasingly noticeable violation of the genetically determined order, timing and volume of production of serotonin and melatonin first, then male and female hormones! I confidently tell you:

Life without the sun, proteins and fats, sleep, sports and communication

= a life without love, sex, family and happy parenting.

Living in conditions of insufficient production of sex hormones, our body still strives to fulfill the "biological minimum", having formed at least the reproductive apparatus itself in young men and women - the genitals. Drawing an analogy with computers - making hardware. But for "software", for software, for uninterrupted provision of the necessary hormones that form the appropriate gender needs of the individual and build first her communication, and then sexual and reproductive behavior, the body no longer has enough strength. So it turns out what psychologists observe: outwardly a person is healthy and vigorous, male and female external sexual characteristics are present, but there is no internal male or female behavior in full! Young men and women do not want to communicate with the opposite sex: kissing, touching and hugging is irritating; the need for sex is minimal; I want to live alone; maternal and paternal instincts are asleep; children do not evoke positive emotions. In the long term - depression and antidepressants.

This "sleeping" state, when a man / woman is there, but there are no corresponding gender requests and behavior, often lasts up to forty years. After that, the man turns on the biological program "gray hair in the beard - the devil in the rib", which throws in additional sex hormones, and the man still falls in love, creates a family and has children. It is more difficult with women: as menopause approaches, the call of hormones does not increase, but only weakens. But at the age of "40+" panic begins. Then an emotional or rational decision is made to give birth for oneself. Then begins a journey through the many complexities of adult motherhood, and health problems.

Therefore, with all due respect to the "childfree", I believe that the degree of rationality and conscientiousness of their voluntary refusal of love, sex, children and family is greatly overestimated! People simply do not realize that hormones made all these decisions for them. More precisely, not the hormones themselves, but their absence in the right quantities.

And then for some reason we are surprised at the growth of infantility and "childish behavior" in outwardly adults … Yes, because their hormones actually did not reach the adult level! Thus, providing a child's attitude to himself, to the world around and to the opposite sex and children. Including naive children's confidence that their behavior is "adult and correct." This is similar to how a seven-year-old child, having started attending school, is already sincerely convinced that from now on he is an adult already "for real." Demanding an appropriate attitude towards oneself, but stubbornly refusing to demonstrate an adult attitude towards life, and an adult responsibility. Wanting to have all the rights of an adult, but responsibilities are childish!

A childishly low level of sex hormones in adults, it logically creates

childish and frivolous attitude towards love, family and children:

children cannot want children, because they have not grown up yet!

This is us about hormones. Now about child / youth education in the family.

About gender stereotypes from childhood. Earlier, when there were many children in families, they lived in a group and raised themselves. Now the picture is different: more than 50% of children do not have siblings, plus almost 70% of children are brought up in the absence of living with their own fathers (they were not there right away, or a divorce). Expressing my enormous personal and professional respect for mothers who raise their children alone, nevertheless, apart from the fact that such a family does not have examples of the correct model of “man-woman” behavior, I note several features of such maternal psychology and parental behavior:

• - mothers are very afraid for their children, preventing them from walking in the fresh air, and personal informal communication with other children. This exaggerated desire to make a "man in a case" out of a child complicates both physical and psychological development;
• - mothers, often, are very offended by men, thereby setting their girls against men, or creating a complex of guilt for their "male gender / status" in growing sons;
• - mothers are very afraid of losing control over the child (he is all that they have), and therefore unconsciously hinder the development of the son / daughter's relationship with the opposite sex, the formation of independence and family. Including, or directly interfere and quarrel partners, separating them. Or they raise the bar of their child's requirements to a possible future partner so much that, in principle, no one gets into it. And also, often, they put pressure on a teenager so hard, with all their might to protect him from knowledge about the sexual side of life, that he / she enters into adulthood without any knowledge of love and intimate relationships at all, then receive a morbid psychological blow in unhappy love, after which go into deaf protection for many years. And therefore the man / woman remain lonely and become childfree forced.;
• - Excessive maternal warmth and care objectively reduces the adolescents' demand for those personal contacts with the opposite sex that teach gender behavior. I say this:

As long as they literally “love” in the parental family, the need to create their own family does not even arise!

Fearing for the health of children, mothers impose their idea of a diet on them or condone improper baby food. As a result, some children are on a vegan diet, while others are oversaturated with carbohydrate junk food, chips and soda, not getting the necessary proteins and high-quality fats

And all these restrictions of children in nutrition, communication, movement, the Sun, against the background of love and the development of parasitism and selfishness in them, not only do not teach children the correct gender examples, but also create additional cultural barriers to the implementation of those hormonal programs that are already weakened by the above-described reasons associated with a change in the model of life of a modern person.

We can conduct a scientific discussion about what comes first: hormones or distorted standards of gender culture adopted in childhood. However, in the real practice of a psychologist, when you communicate with a childfree or just a lonely person who sincerely does not understand why he does not want a family and children, or what exactly prevents him from building relationships with the opposite sex, both factors are most often seen at once. Somewhere - more, somewhere - less, in various combinations, but still - both! Unfortunately.

Therefore, in my practice as a psychologist, I personally define this behavior of many single modern men and women (both conscious and unconscious) as “hormonal suicide” and “gender suicide”. And I would like to introduce these concepts into a scientific and professional psychological turn. Because those standards of life and behavior that are imposed by us by modern society and lead to the paralysis of our intimate, family and parental life, in fact, are hormonal and gender suicide! When we kill ourselves as men, women and parents! And this is unacceptable!

Hence, my good wishes both just to single men and women, and to those who hide their personal loneliness under the beautiful screen of "childfree culture". Life hacks, so to speak. There are ten of them:

1. Do not rush to drive yourself into a corner with such rules and norms of gender self-restraint, which turned out to be imposed on you or by someone, or were simply a trend of youth fashion when you had not yet had time to mature physically and / or psychologically. As the saying goes, "Never say never!" Especially in matters of gaining personal happiness, family, children.

2. Analyze your childhood and adolescence from the point of view of detecting those factors of suppressing sex hormones that are associated with the peculiarities of the structure of life (mode of activity and sleep, nutrition, etc.) or examples of parents and their upbringing.

3. If you are still single or have too low libido (sex drive), get tested for thyroid hormones, male / female sex hormones, cortisol (stress hormone) levels, as well as vitamins (for example, anemia, i.e. lack of iron, etc.). And in the case of their low rates, not only a psychologist, but also a good doctor will have to help the arrangement of your personal life: therapist, endocrinologist, gynecologist, andrologist, etc. Properly selected dietary supplements, vitamin complexes, immune stimulants or herbal preparations can quickly create conditions for the appearance of your sexual desire, family and children. Remember:

Not feeling your interest in communication, intimate life

with members of the opposite sex, to the creation of a family and the birth of children, it is important to first eliminate the hormonal prerequisites for such behavior, and only then look for its explanation in cultural trends and complexes.

4. Start systematically playing sports! Gaining muscle mass is highly likely to start stimulating your production of sex hormones. Thus, gradually beginning to influence your sexual behavior, motivating you to communicate with members of the opposite sex. Some of which, suddenly, to your surprise, will seem to you "very much even nothing"!

5. Increase the percentage of protein in your diet and stop being afraid of healthy fats! No one has ever died from an overabundance of Omega3 and other fatty acids. But from their lack it is quite possible to die without heirs. And don't be afraid to put on extra weight: see the paragraph above.

6. If possible, try to visit the Sun more often! Sunlight will dispel the darkness of your depression and will also stimulate your interest in love affairs. It is no coincidence that many inveterate childfree, having moved to sunnier regions to live, immediately forget about their principles and start a family. And I won't even talk about resort romances: I hope you already understand that this is not an accident: the sum of the sun, barbecue and physical activity instantly charges you with the desire to get acquainted and build love! And do not be afraid to send your children to the countryside in the summer: let there be dirt under your nails, but the correct gender identity will be formed and you will have grandchildren!

7. Make it a rule to get enough sleep and go to bed earlier! This will not only restore melatonin reserves in your body, normalize circadian rhythms and activate your genital area, but also provide you with strength on that love and intimate front, without which there is no parenting.

8. Start dressing more brightly so that representatives of the opposite sex will pay attention to you! Having started to get to know you and communicate, they will thereby systematically enter your personal space, where your nose will finally be able to smell their sex pheromones - aphrodisiacs. After that, your endocrine system will be stimulated to respond to the production of sex hormones, and your brain will be stimulated to re-preserve the necessary skills of gender behavior. And everything will start working out!

9. When communicating with people, do not hesitate to contact them closely, touch them in a friendly way. Including, hug, kiss with them "on the cheek", firmly shake hands when meeting! This will again start to excite and awaken your endocrine system and stimulate the production of sex hormones. Remember the fairy tale "About the sleeping princess": it is not by chance that the sleeping girl came to her senses not from witchcraft and medicines, but from the kiss of a man! The kiss and touch awakened her sex hormones, they gave a command to the brain and, voila: away, loneliness! We already have a family and children!

10. Smile and laugh more often! Learn jokes, send jokes, funny videos and jokes to everyone you know and don't know on social networks. Humor is one of the forms of communication, laughter is a natural antidepressant, and therefore a stimulant for the production of serotonin, followed by sex hormones. Remember the fairy tale "About the Princess Nesmeyana": the girl sat sadly in the tower (here she is, the lack of the Sun!), Did not laugh, and therefore could not get married. How they made her laugh, and immediately a happy marriage! Remember that any successful date is filled with jokes and anecdotes. I say this:

A good sense of humor awakens passion and puts you to a hot bed faster than the strongest alcohol!

Again, it was not in vain that they used to say: "Start smiling and people will immediately reach out to you!" First emotionally, and then with hands and all other parts of the body)) Here the children will go!

By following these simplest recommendations in combination, with a high degree of probability you will be able to:

• - noticeably improve your physical and psychological state, overcome depressive states;
• - stimulate the production of many hormones in your endocrine system, on which your life and sexual activity depends; not only reproductive, but also volitional and intellectual abilities;
• - you will part with various psychological complexes and unnecessary and dangerous stereotypes of thinking and behavior (including childfree) imposed on you by your parents, environment or fashion;
• - increase your activity and mobility in life, increase your psychological flexibility;
• - learn to communicate with the opposite sex, get yourself a loved one, fall in love and start a family;
• - give birth to children, continue yourself in new generations and gain additional meanings of life and motivation (forget about childfree).

Being an incorrigible optimist, I am sure: in this case, it will be worth it!

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