2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Author: Kuzmichev Alexander
Let's start by defining ourselves. Most people live on autopilot most of their lives. Which someone once and somehow set up. And which leads in some direction. In general, most people sense whether they are moving towards something good or bad. But there is no greater accuracy in the perception of one's goals and life path.
Why is this happening? Have you ever taken a plane from the autopilot to manual control? If not (which is very likely, after all, this is not a forum for amateur aviators), I think your imagination is quite enough to imagine such a moment. What will he require?
- Aircraft control skills (outside the metaphor - adaptation skills in this life)
- Responsibility (be ready to look for strength to overcome the consequences of your decisions in your head)
- Ability to cope with emotions (after all, we are talking about your own life, or even about the lives of other people)
In general, we can say this - it is easier for a person not to KNOW what he wants than to be constantly responsible for his desires and needs.
Well, in order not to face all this set of difficulties, a person includes (naturally, unconsciously) a set of his psychological defenses. Displacement, rationalization, projection, depreciation, and so on down the list. As a result, your desires and needs are hidden much deeper and more reliable than you would like.
BUT! At some point, you want to make your life more successful. Or happy. Effective. In general, different. Not the same as now. How to understand yourself? How to understand your desires? How to understand those desires and aspirations that will really be useful and will give impetus to positive changes.
No way…
Again. No one can understand what needs to be done to reliably achieve positive changes in this life. Erickson, who Milton famously said about it:
Life is not for professionals, it is for amateurs.
That is, no matter how hard you strain and try, you cannot guarantee something (relationships, career, prosperity) for yourself RELIABLY. You can only count (hope, hope) that living conditions will develop in your direction safely. Or that you have enough strength, resources and skills to overcome life's hardships and appreciate the gifts that life gives you. Therefore, in this life it makes no sense to look for some truth about your desires at the level of logic. But it makes sense to be more confident in your emotional assessments of what you can desire.
After all, it is emotions that reflect what you really want and what captures your subconscious.
Try the following path
Step 1. Take the reflector. It will be someone you can argue with. Any person (even with the rudiments of intelligence) who is ready to give you some time will do. And who is ready to listen to most of your arguments.
Step 2. Take a list of basic (not to be confused with basic) human needs.
Confession
Family
Safety
Sex
Health
Power
Attractiveness
Communication
Attention
Wealth
Rest
Entertainment
Adoption
Understanding
Support
Self-development
Change
Privacy
Step 3. Watch your emotions when trying to convince your opponent that you need / do not need certain needs from the above list. It is worth clarifying here that emotions will not give you an unambiguous answer in the style of "if I feel joy, then the need is satisfied." What can you focus on:
Interest, irritation, boredom, anxiety, disappointment, guilt, shame, sadness that arise at the moment of your attempts to convince your opponent - these are the signals that suggest not / realization of the need. And it is NOT important which of the described emotions you have. The only important thing is in which direction they arise.
For example, you are frustrated by the attempts of loved ones to support you in difficult moments of life. This means that your need has not been fulfilled. But if these very attempts are annoying, then this is more a signal that you want to cope with your problems on your own (the need for support has been realized).
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