2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Surely many mothers are familiar with this feeling of "I can't do anything" when the number of items in the list of tasks is incommensurate with the amount of time they have to complete them. Well, to put it more simply, then all these tasks, it seems, are simply impossible to accomplish. And there are so many tasks that it becomes completely incomprehensible where to start, and having taken on one thing, it is very difficult not to switch to another, no less important.
This is the same when "you do not know what to grab onto." A very unpleasant sensation, in which there is a lot of confusion, anger, shame, chaos. And this is the very place where procrastination can begin, when, in order not to meet with all this unpleasant cocktail of feelings, a woman begins to do something completely outsider - read 1001 Very Necessary Articles about anything on the Internet, read a news feed on a social network, immerse yourself in the TV and so on. There are many ways to procrastinate, and what is most unpleasant is that these activities can take the form of addiction, and it can be very difficult to break away from them. And, as we understand it, this does not at all improve the quality of life of our heroine.
And here it seems to me important to make a fair remark that this feeling is familiar not only to mothers, but it is precisely with immersion in motherhood that a woman encounters it most acutely.
This is aggravated, as a rule, by successful examples from the lives of other people, who are the same "all-all-all" that is written on your list - somehow succeed. They also look good. And loved ones can also add fuel to the fire. And in this place, you need a lot of strength and awareness in order not to fall into strong shame (something is wrong with me, since she has time and I do not), or into envy, or into anger (mainly towards herself) or in what "light" feeling, which does not help to cope with the situation at all, but only helps to dig deeper into it.
There is a lot of dissatisfaction with oneself, the amount of anger that runs as a result of these processes in the family goes off scale, and this has a bad effect on the quality of relations with loved ones.
And when the level of dissatisfaction with the way your life is arranged reaches its climax, the word "disorganization" often comes into play. This word can be used as a saving label that explains the state of affairs and gives some indulgence to leave everything as it is ("oh, I am so disorganized, I have always been like this, I cannot have it any other way"). Or you can peck yourself in the crown (“that's right for you, you are a bad mother, a bad housewife, you’re some kind of abnormal, all normal people …” In general, there are a lot of applications of this word, it would be a fantasy.
Along with the word "disorganization", the word "time management" often pops up. And a woman can read a lot of literature about how to properly manage her time, and maybe even go to training on time management. After that, she often returns to the word "disorganization" again, and concludes that, probably, something is really wrong with her, since it works for everyone else, but she does not. And again they ran in a circle - "I do not have time for anything - something is wrong with me, I am ashamed - I have no strength - I do not have time for anything."
And for all this running around, unfortunately, the real meaning of what is happening is lost. That the so-called "disorganization" is not a character trait and not a consequence of poor upbringing. This is often a symptom of a lack of vitality. The ability to qualitatively plan their activities, rank tasks, determine priorities, analyze the availability of resources, distribute the workload in the process of work, etc. - this ability can be compared to the human skeleton. This is some kind of framework on which the entire human structure is supported.
And the reality is that for someone this skeleton is naturally strong, for someone this skeleton was helped to grow by the parental family. And someone in this sense was much less fortunate. Yes, life is not fair, it happens. And if you are still reading this article and do not cease to wonder how I know everything about you, then it is quite possible that this "someone" is you.
And the answer to the question why all these magical time management systems and other flyladies do not work - it lies right here. Because these systems really provide effective tools for self-organization. But these tools only help the framework to function better. In other words, to run a marathon, you need good health, not a pretty sports shirt. And our heroines often try to run this marathon in a beautiful T-shirt, but at the same time they do not notice a broken leg. And when they realize that for some reason the marathon is not running, then instead of applying a plaster cast and keeping the sore leg alone for a while, they go to the gym to train. And they get even more upset. After all, you have to run a marathon - what plaster, what are you talking about, there is no time for that.
The good news is that even if you are out of luck and the frame is so-so, flimsy, you can try to strengthen it. True, I'll upset you here a little more. In order to strengthen the frame, you still have to make a certain amount of effort. Even if you don't have the strength to do it at all. It's like swinging a swing - even the smallest momentum in the right direction will gradually be amplified by inertia. And gradually it will be easier and easier to cope.
And now I will try to describe the very first steps that you can take if what is described in this article somehow echoes your current life. These steps may seem too simple and frivolous, and it may even seem to you that it has nothing to do with everything written above. In much the same way as it seems ridiculous the idea of stopping, putting a cast on a broken leg and leaving the race, while you urgently need to run a marathon.
1. And I will probably start with the most difficult. Even if it is difficult to perceive - just remember this thought and sometimes tell yourself about it. You are a living person. And you need your health first of all - in order to live and, sorry for the tautology, to experience life in its entirety. The fullness of life and the quality of experience are in the first place. You need to work in order to live. Not the other way around. Remember this sequence, it is important.
2. Have you noticed that when you do what you want to do, then often you either do not get tired at all, or feel a surge of energy? And when you do something very unpleasant, then what you do not want to do, then even if physical effort is required for it very little - do you still feel very tired? Remember this and try to notice which activities give you strength and which ones take you away, and try to maintain this balance. Remember that you are not a soulless machine designed to perform any specific function. Stop at least sometimes to ask yourself - "what I feel now", "what I want now", "do I really need to do what I am doing", "is it really that important", "and what will happen if I do not do it ".
3. Treat yourself with care. You are at home alone and no one can replace you. And even more so for your loved ones.
4. Take your vacation seriously. Sleep at night is not enough. Try to set aside at least a little time - just for yourself, and try to spend this time for yourself with maximum pleasure (after all, pleasure is a powerful source of energy). If you lie down in the bathroom, it’s not to wash yourself, but to soak up the warm water. If you read a book - that this book you like. If you watch TV, something interesting. If you talk on the phone - then with your beloved friend, on topics of interest to you. If you eat, then make some delicious dish just for yourself. Listen to yourself and often ask yourself the question "what do I want right now", looking for answers to this question is a very useful activity.
five. Try to ask yourself more often "what I am doing now - should I do it or do I want it?" Try to "I need to go for a walk so that I can continue to work" happened less often than "I want to go for a walk because the weather is so beautiful outside, and perhaps it's time to take a short break." I hope you can feel the difference between these two walks? The difference is enormous, although the action is the same.
And, perhaps, I will stop at this for now. These are just the very first steps, the very first steps that can help strengthen your framework. A kind of exercise for the soul, which begins a large and deep healing process.
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