When Your Child Drives You Crazy

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Renowned psychoanalyst Eda Le Shan, author of When Your Child Drives You Crazy, warns modern parents against "expert opinion." Despite the fact that Le Shan is the most such a specialist, she says that you yourself know your child best of all and that responsible decisions for raising your children are only your task.

“Parents from all sides are bombarded with private and general strictly scientific theories, prescriptions and warnings that come from a whole army of education specialists. We have come to the point that raising children has come to be seen as a profession, and not as a natural human occupation,”the author writes in his book. To understand the variety of theories and programs for raising children, Le Shan advises parents to rely not only on scientific theories, but also on their "common sense" and their own life experience.

You can check for yourself to what extent the recommendations of a specialist (psychologist, pediatrician, teacher, etc.) are appropriate for your children, and perhaps they will be harmful to them?

So, when choosing a method of education, a development or training program, when choosing a teacher or even a nanny, pay attention to the following criteria:

1. If your specialist has "One theory - one answer", then "Fear the experts who bring gifts!"

Life is too mysterious, and development is too complex a thing to have a comprehensive answer to everything. Each new theory contributes to our understanding, but none of them will ever answer all the doubts of parents. There are many people around who want to become your personal "guru", want to tell you exactly what you need to do to solve all your problems.

2. If your specialist has the same approach to all children. In all the years of research in child psychology, if we have learned anything about parenting, it is that two children cannot be treated exactly the same. Many of the articles and books you have come across seem to ignore this fact. There are no guidelines that are universal for all children. Each of the statements may be true at some point in the life of a particular child, but they are all unfair if they are addressed to all children.

3. If the specialist always blames the parents for everything. There is nothing easier than making your parents feel guilty. Feelings of guilt are a blocking force: instead of directing us to experiment with new approaches, they tend to paralyze us; no one helps us to gain confidence in ourselves, in how to get rid of the feeling of wrongness that does not leave you.

4. If the specialist believes that all parents need to have special knowledge for raising a child. In their zeal, some counselors (especially child psychotherapists) in the learning process try to instill in parents a style of conversation with their children, which is quite appropriate in a psychiatric clinic, imperfectly unacceptable for communication in the family. Instead of practicing medicine without a patent, parents can try to develop their own style of communication with their child, which will be understandable and acceptable for their usual life.

Finally, it must be added that, of course, the observations and conclusions that parents make can be erroneous, especially if we are not prepared to solve any problem. But still, most of us worship the luminaries sometimes even too much. We have every right to doubt and criticize theories, assumptions, ask questions and have our own opinion on this or that account. We are fortunate to have so many people researching childhood and spending so much time on it. But no matter how extensive our knowledge is, there is no simple panacea for such an important, complex, exciting and mysterious activity as raising children.