Are You Angry With Your Child? That You - Never

Video: Are You Angry With Your Child? That You - Never

Video: Are You Angry With Your Child? That You - Never
Video: Are you angry with your parents: A talk with children: |Prof Dr Javed Iqbal) 2024, March
Are You Angry With Your Child? That You - Never
Are You Angry With Your Child? That You - Never
Anonim

In so many families and many people there is such an understanding that only extremely evil people get angry. What can I say about other people! I myself have lived for a very long time - I have lived with this conviction most of my life.

And I was afraid and did not know how to notice anger in myself, and even more so to express it to others. It was a taboo for me. I'm a good person! A good person shouldn't be angry!

It was only when I began to study the gestalt approach that I began to understand more about emotions. About why and for what we need them and what to do with them.

And then there was an understanding that the so-called negative emotions, which many suggest getting rid of, are not entirely true. They are not so negative either. These can be called very conditionally. Because they are of great benefit. We also need them, like the so-called positive emotions.

In one of my articles, I already wrote about what we need emotions for. I will repeat myself in a nutshell. They are like signals for us about how good we are in life. If these are emotions of joy, pleasure or satisfaction, etc., then some of our important needs are satisfied.

If we experience emotions of irritation, anger, sadness, sadness, indignation, etc., then some of our important needs for some reason are not satisfied.

And now I will return to the topic of the article. I decided to write it to help all mothers raising children of all ages.

Many people are convinced that only extremely evil and not good people get angry. And these very people who forbid themselves to get angry, despite this prohibition, still experience emotions of discontent, irritation, anger, etc. All these emotions I classify as anger. They are all about anger, just about different degrees of anger. Only these people forbid themselves to be angry. Either they deny that they can be angry, or they drive out their anger without admitting that they can be angry.

So, if you forbid yourself to notice your anger and do not express it in time and do not regulate about what this anger arises, then it will certainly break out in the form of an outbreak of anger or rage. Either this anger will be directed at the person himself, and then his health will be destroyed. Various symptoms or illnesses will appear.

What am I leading to?..

To the fact that often mothers cannot admit to themselves that the child's actions can make them angry. And when they notice their anger, they can begin to deny it, feeling guilt or shame that they are angry with their beloved child.

What if they allowed themselves to get angry?

Well, it's completely natural that in communicating with a child, something may not go the way the mother wants. And the child may cry, but the mother may not immediately understand what he is crying about. And there may be anger at this children's cry. Yes, in communicating with a child, there are plenty of reasons for dissatisfaction, irritation and even anger. And therefore, if these emotions are not noticed, not recognized, not allowed to oneself, then this does not help either the mother or the child in any way.

Mom may begin to feel guilt or shame, which is even more unpleasant in terms of the degree of experience than anger. Or start to get sick.

And if you allow yourself to notice these emotions and express them, then it helps in communicating with the child. And it's good for mom too.

Now a little about how to express these emotions so as not to harm yourself and the child too.

Firstly, it is often enough just to say that, for example: "I am now angry that you are doing this!" Say with the energy that comes from the inside at this moment (within reason, well, so as not to scare the neighbors, otherwise they may call the police)). After all, the emotions of anger are charged with great energy. We need this energy in order to protect ourselves and take some action to improve the situation for us. And therefore, it would be good to realize this energy at least through voice and intonation. Let me clarify that it is important to say that you are not angry with the child in general, but with some of his actions.

If this is not enough and you feel that there is more anger energy, then you can bang your fist or foot on something preferably soft. Maybe on the sofa, for example. Well, it is desirable that both the leg and the arm do not hurt.

Your demonstration and expression of dissatisfaction and anger gives the child feedback on his actions. He may understand that what he is doing is making Mom angry. Mom is angry. This will help him form a framework for what can and cannot be done in relation to others. This will help to form in him an understanding that it is important to take into account not only his desires and interests, but also the desires and interests of other people.

And what you say about anger when you are angry about some child's actions helps you to alleviate your condition.

In addition, I want to add that it is better to start expressing your emotions to a child at this age, when he already understands something more or less. This is about a year and a half. If you do this earlier, then such emotions of mother's can scare the baby. And this will not benefit either the baby or the mother-child relationship.

Good luck on the path of knowing yourself, on the path of improving relations with loved ones and on the path of raising happy children!

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