2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Chapter 4
Afraid of pain
Pain, like disappointment, is not to be feared. It needs to be understood. Pain (it’s not physical, but emotional) has its reasons. There is no general pain, so every time it hurts is the best moment to start understanding yourself better. Pain indicates to us our mistakes, inconsistencies, dissolution, forgetting about ourselves, in general, it is an indicator of imbalance or wrong inharmonious beliefs. The pain will definitely be in the relationship, and without them. So, let the pain not be an obstacle in your relationship, but be an assistant in recognizing yourself.
Too much pain is experienced only by people who ignore it out of fear. Those who learn to communicate with it, live it, do not reject it - use it as inner knowledge, as a resource for self-recognition.
To learn how to communicate and understand your pain, if you find it, it would also be a good idea to come to the consultation and talk about it. This will help you stop avoiding your pain.
CHAPTER 5
I'm afraid to trust
Trust is not an easy topic. To begin with, it is important to learn trust and not to confuse it with faith. Faith is the ability, without evidence, to be sometimes fanatically convinced of something or someone. TRUST, in turn, is a certain scale that has a measure. You can trust more or less, you can, having a positive experience, already trust another person more than the rest of the people around you. Those. trust when meeting a new person is on credit, a certain portion of trust, a willingness to get closer. Then time passes, events occur, relationships develop, various situations occur - all this leads to the fact that trust either increases or decreases (in accordance with how the joint lessons were held). If, instead of trust, a person uses blind faith or falsely believes that he can trust everyone in a row, then, of course, the person looks like either a child or a naive adult. We have the right to trust and not trust, to evaluate others. Healthy trust is when you are ready to evaluate: who, when and how much you can open up and trust. If you open up with the first person you meet and place your false expectations on everyone, then you experience pain, then this is not at all healthy trust. Pain and frustration are the foundation that helps you redefine your relationship to trust and understand what it is.
If you know how to trust your friends, give credit of trust to new people to whom you are disposed, set your boundaries near trust where you feel danger, stop trusting where you were deceived several times or did not keep your word, where there is no value in relationships and respect, then you have quite healthy trust. The fear of trust says only one thing: you need to understand what trust is, and you also need to transform the old experience of pain, which, of course, was created on the basis of not entirely justified trust in a relationship.
Chapter 6
I'm afraid of reproaches
Reproaches, reproaches, reproaches. Think, who can be afraid of reproaches? Who can blame? That's right, the controller or the tyrant blames most often, and the victim is afraid or is often led by reproaches. Therefore, this is, in principle, a deeper scenario. If you behave like a victim or this type of relationship and behavior is inherent in you, then in any case, criticism, comments from others will be unpleasant for you - and this will be perceived as a reproach. If there is no sacrifice inside, then the same remarks will be perceived, correlated with the internal scale: if the remark clings and seems fair, then this will stimulate you to develop in something, and if it is evaluated as a worthless reproach, or just another person thinks differently - reproaches will be easily ignored. So you should not be afraid of this and you should not be afraid of relationships because of this. Because the victim (by nature) and without relationships will find reproaches. And relationships that are full of reproaches just need to end (they only indicate disrespect for each other). In this case, you should disperse and learn to be happy and self-sufficient, individually.
Chapter 7
I'm afraid of treason
Yes, this is a more serious fear. But in order to stop being afraid of treason, you need to understand why and when it happens. After all, paired relationships are needed not just for “just being”. They are needed because people have a deep need for intimacy, openness, trust, reciprocity, and energy exchange. When in couples the relationship is factual and does not give what they exist for, and people (for completely different reasons) decide to stay together, then over time they have an activation of the thirst for true, true pairing, longing for love. And then betrayal occurs (not even by the will of the person himself). And it so happens that our mind tells us that we are interested in another person, so as not to face ourselves and our problems.
Cheating occurs for various reasons, but most often their place is where people do not maintain their living relationships and already live in a lie with each other. In general, treason is one of the instruments of the crisis, calling to become honest and start changing something. In an honest relationship, people notice that something is going wrong much earlier than the betrayal happens and try to figure it out without resorting to finding another partner.
This is a very deep topic of needs, honesty, and satisfaction in a pairing.
Different people form a different attitude towards cheating and, over the course of life, it changes and transforms (some even begin to consider it a necessary condition of their life).
But in any case, if you strive for sincerity in a relationship, then be open, sincere and self-respecting, and then it will be easy for you to let go of the person WHICH IT'S TIME TO LEAVE. CHANGE MAY NOT BE IN YOUR LIFE. Only partings: other people, other meetings.
Of course, each of us dreams of meeting a single partner. And this, unfortunately, is also a big illusion. Many of people are not ready for an adult pairing and meeting with a single partner, so it is important to believe in life itself and its wisdom. This is trust - being yourself, learning to meet, break up and be sincere.
Almost all people are afraid of death. But only those who were born can fear death. And it's so great to be alive! And it's the same in relationships. It's so great that there will be moments of meetings, emotional experiences and parting in your life.
Do not be afraid of cheating. Deal with them if it really appears in your life, and let this fear not be an obstacle to starting a relationship!
Chapter 8
I'm afraid of a quick transition to intimate relationships
This is the fear of myself and of what the other will think of me. This is the fear of the real, genuine, undisguised self. Well, again, it exists in our culture because we are not taught the ecology of sexual relations. In the heads of many young women, the very word sex = debauchery. Therefore, a lady may be afraid to be open, accepting, enjoying. Self-manifesting. After all, people may think about her that she is a "prostitute", "slut" or just a depraved person.
We are not taught to express ourselves in intimacy, and that disclosure with a loved one is worthy and good. Our dignity, our faith in ourselves, cracks when, in our youth, we discover our desires and fantasies. My dear young girls, you need to know that prostitution is a way of selling sex for money. A slut is a woman offering sex for something or out of despair. You are experiencing a completely different set of feelings: just hunger, just desire, just attraction. And these are the most normal feelings that people who feel sympathy and attraction can experience. So don't be afraid to prove yourself. Every human being just needs an intimate relationship, a hug. And not every kiss, and not every hug is sex. Stretch your sex to understand what and when you really want. Talk about it, respect your needs and those of your partner. And know that not rushing is good, because then attraction will bring you closer, and when the time comes for deeper intimacy, it can happen with respect and enthusiasm. For this it is worth waiting and putting off the full connection a little and allowing yourself and the other to get to know each other, to get to know each other. But this does not mean at all that you cannot hold hands, talk about it, kiss and hug.
It's just that if you want, use this attraction to learn to express your sexuality and be in it.
And instead of a conclusion
Of course, there are other obstacles and fears that prevent you from starting a relationship. Under this video, you can leave your questions, and I will record separate audio answers for them, and for some I will simply give written comments.
Enjoy your mutual, pure and sincere relationship.
Boys and girls, don't be afraid of each other. We all want a relationship. This is a natural part of life, every person has reached his puberty. This part allows you to realize yourself as a man or as a woman.
Recommended:
Fears That Prevent You From Starting A Happy Couples Relationship. Part 1
Chapter 1 I'm afraid of rejection This fear arises from the emotional response to rejection. Many people do not understand at all what rejection is. But every time they face rejection, they perceive it as personal rejection. Because of this, it is very difficult and painful to endure refusal, and they themselves are faced with the fact that they are not at all capable of refusing.
Harmful Advice For Parents Or How To Prevent A Child From Becoming Happy?
Simply, clearly and clearly about how many of us do not notice what our children are programmed for in the future - in the article by Kristina Mikhailyuk. Scold your child . And it's better in public. You remember from your childhood how pleasant it is, and most importantly, how effective it is.
What Does A Happy Relationship Look Like? Part 3: Manipulation Vs Sincerity
In previous articles, we've discussed what good relationships look like in terms of boundaries and conflicts, couple moods, wars, and proximity-distance. Today I will talk in more detail about manipulations in a pair, and I will also indicate 2 more of my criteria for a happy couple, but separate articles will be written about them.
End Of A Relationship? Is It Time To Part? Relationship Psychology
Why does a situation arise when the relationship "holds" you, although you perfectly understand that this is the end? The most obvious and understandable reason for all reasonable people is children. When children are small, it is always a pity to leave them and deprive them of their father or mother.
Let's Pretend It's Okay, Or Mina's In A Relationship. How To Keep Your Relationship Happy?
The biggest and most powerful mine in a relationship is the illusion that there are no problems if they are not discussed by partners. One of the peculiarities of our upbringing is that conflicts must be avoided, all problems must be hushed up, complain less and smile more (in general, "
