Let's Pretend It's Okay, Or Mina's In A Relationship. How To Keep Your Relationship Happy?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The biggest and most powerful mine in a relationship is the illusion that there are no problems if they are not discussed by partners.

One of the peculiarities of our upbringing is that conflicts must be avoided, all problems must be hushed up, complain less and smile more (in general, "avoid sharp corners"). The person who perfectly copes with this task is considered in our society a kind of "ideal", those around him want to communicate with him. And vice versa - those people who constantly voice their problems, are ready to understand the reasons for the troubles and conflicts that have arisen, to correct something in their life, are sometimes considered moral monsters, they are less loved, do not take their opinion into account, criticize life views. Often such an attitude is found in married couples in which there are problems, and one of the partners is not silent, but tries to speak out.

Talking about problems, dissatisfaction in relationships, needs is much more effective than keeping silent. The more the partners are silent, the more the problem is aggravated (resentments (explicit and implicit) accumulate in the soul, anger and irritation towards the partner grows), as a result, relations deteriorate, people cease to understand the true reasons for quarrels. The situation resembles a huge ball of thread, which is simply impossible to untangle together. Due to the understatement and silence of their thoughts, the gap between partners is only growing, they are gradually moving away from each other. As a result, a moment may arise when mutual misunderstanding reaches a peak, the strength and energy to prove something and try to fix it run out.

If a married couple is faced with such a problem, it is worth contacting a psychotherapist and undergoing a course of family psychotherapy. In this case, the therapist acts as a stable figure that stabilizes the situation. In addition, he will help to unravel the tangle of mutual grievances and experiences, relieve tension in relationships and teach to understand each other at a deep level. This will eliminate the perception of a usual request or complaint of dissatisfaction in something in the relationship as a claim. The partner may feel guilty or ashamed because of the reproach in his direction, therefore, in response, he defends himself, not understanding the true reason for the dissatisfaction. There are two options here:

1. The partner resists because of his feelings of guilt or accumulated negative childhood experiences - in this case, each reproach is perceived as a kind of shame.
2. One of the partners may show his dissatisfaction by humiliating the human dignity of the other (humiliating statements, actions, etc.). In this case, the following nuance must be taken into account - if you destroy the dignity of your partner, he will no longer be able to trust, speak openly about his feelings, in response to comments, he may unconsciously react with barbs.

It is imperative to be attentive to any statement by your partner, to his tone of voice. Men often speak little and quietly about their dissatisfaction, needs and emotional experiences. If you skip a disgruntled word one, second, third time, they simply stop opening their souls and sharing their feelings and opinions related to the relationship. Accordingly, discontent and irritation will accumulate, manifesting itself in the form of ridiculous aggressive actions towards each other.

As an example, we can consider a rather simple situation - a partner (spouse) after morning coffee does not wash a mug after himself. Such an attitude can irritate the other partner, the irritation will accumulate and eventually result in an outburst of anger. However, to prevent conflict, it is enough to talk with a person, to show your displeasure: "Honey, could you wash a mug behind you?" If time passes, the situation repeats itself, the conversation can be repeated: “Why didn't you wash the mug? I asked you. " Why is it important to talk about everything? Frank conversation gives the partner an understanding that efforts are being made to accept his actions, there are certain experiences and dissatisfaction. As a result, one can understand the reason for a person's actions - for example, as a child, it was customary in his family to wash dishes in the evening or one by one by one of the family members. If the current situation does not suit one of the partners, a compromise must be sought. In any case, no matter what decision was made, the person will be aware that his action (did not wash the mug) will cause internal tension, so he will try to change his behavior.

Thus, in a relationship, open communication is necessary, this is the first step towards achieving harmony and mutual understanding. You should not pretend that everything is in order, if something does not suit you and annoys, avoiding difficult conversations is the path that will lead you to a dead end.