2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
You don't have to love, forgive, and pretend to be holy
You must love your parents, even if your childhood was like one of the circles of hell, because they gave birth to you. You must forgive your ex-husband, even if he beat you and humiliated you, in order to start your life anew. You must once and for all get rid of all heavy emotions, grow wings and go to live in Heaven. Because there is no place for such saints on Earth.
What emotions and thoughts does the previous paragraph evoke in you? Agreement? Feeling like it should be, right? Or maybe irritation, anger and rejection? I just have the latter. I don’t understand where this concept of forgiveness came from. I'm sorry, and everything will pass. Forgive me, and my soul will become easier. Probably, this is something from religion. Man is trying to get closer to God. And God forgives everyone. He cannot be hurt, because He is above worldly experiences. Yes, only we - people, can not just cut off our emotional essence. And that's good, because emotions make us human.
I do not believe that you can forgive a strong offense simply by an effort of will. I do not believe that you can force yourself to love someone simply because you and that person share genes. But you can pretend to forgive. To say that the grievances of the past no longer haunt you, but for some reason suddenly get very sick. Or not to enter into a relationship anymore. Or weird nightmares.
It so happens that a person says: “I know that I have to forgive him / her, I try my best, but I cannot”. And this person suffers from a sense of guilt, from the fact that he is so bad, since he cannot forgive. But you shouldn't! Be honest with yourself. You've suffered a mental wound. It hurts, bleeds, and instead of healing you decorate it with flowers. You don't care about your mental health, but you are trying to show others how generous you are. Generous, kind, good, with a gaping hole in his chest.
So what, you need to be vindictive, vindictive and chew your whole life through the wrongs inflicted by someone? No extremes needed. Be careful with yourself. Admit that you have been wronged. That you are hurt and sad. You are upset, you are angry. You are crying. Become aware of the full range of emotions and feelings that you are feeling. Give your soul time to cheer. If there is an opportunity to talk to the abuser, talk about what offended you and how you feel. If not, write him a letter in which you will explain everything that has accumulated in your soul, everything that hurts. This letter does not need to be given to anyone. You can burn it, drown it, tear it into small pieces and let it go down the wind, imagining that your pain disappears just like paper. Give the time of pain to stay in your soul for the prescribed period. Let her be like a guest. Know, she will stay and leave. She will definitely leave herself. Just don't force her out.
Surprisingly, if we do not pretend to be saints, love and forgive those who are unpleasant to us, forgiveness will eventually quietly settle in our souls. And one day we suddenly realize that the wound has healed, and flowers have grown around themselves.
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