2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Recently, on one of the popular psychological portals, I came across an article about motherhood. The material seemed interesting and even therapeutic to me. It talked about the fact that maternal fatigue has a right to exist, paid attention to such a phenomenon as emotional burnout in relation to motherhood, and offered recommendations for prevention. I agreed with everything, happily nodded my head, and was already thinking of sharing the article with one of my friends and clients, when I suddenly stumbled over the author's thought that struck me: “And please, do not confuse the absolutely legitimate feeling of routine and fatigue and, in in general, the usual whim - “Because of the children, I can not be spontaneous and free, as before.” A common whim!
It is difficult to convey the degree of surprise and indignation that I experienced at that moment. From my point of view, this view of the postpartum crisis is at least discriminatory. I will give my arguments. Traditionally, in society, motherhood is considered the highest happiness and, very likely, it is. However, a woman who becomes a mother for the first time, in addition to this very happiness, simultaneously experiences a loss. Loss of his old way of life, family, in its usual form, the existing system of relationships, freedom and independence (even in a purely physical plane, because the mother is literally "attached" to the baby by breastfeeding), and so on and so on. This list can be continued for a very long time.
If we turn to the definition of a crisis presented in the same Wikipedia, we will see that such is called "a revolution, a turning point, a state in which the existing means of achieving goals become inadequate, as a result of which unpredictable situations arise." Quite clearly, isn't it? A woman who has become a mother really cannot continue to cope with life in the old ways, moreover, she finds herself in a situation where there is no time to invent new ways - everything is already happening. Let's put in the same basket changes in the hormonal background, a completely new sensation of your body and other, by no means small, physiological consequences of childbirth.
In order to add weight to my words, I want to share excerpts from the article "POSITIVE DEPRESSION: DESCRIPTION, PSYCHOPATOLOGY AND TREATMENT METHODS" (Review of Modern Psychiatry Journal):
"Motherhood is a transitional, crisis period, in which the impermanence, variability of the identification of the woman and the mother comes into play again, while archaic and pregenital subconscious significant images of the mother emerge with full force. According to Cramer, at the moment when labor comes to an end, two poles are formed: on the one hand, the persecution of the mother by her child, on the other, coercion due to the new role."
or
“Many mothers expect that the 'maternal love' that they will receive after childbirth will solve the problems of adaptation to the child, while the process of forming this connection depends on long (several months) mutual learning. In addition, some mothers believe that only they are responsible for the child. Daily chores require physical and mental strength from them and cause feelings of helplessness, reinforced by isolation."
as well as
“The birth of a child makes a woman identify with her parents, find out how they performed their parental functions. denying the inherent sadness and rage that it provokes."
So, the fact that absolutely all women who become mothers (especially for the first time) need psychological support is an indisputable fact for me. It is good if this support can be provided by the family, close circle. But it happens that the difficulties of motherhood have much deeper roots than it seems at first glance. This is not just fatigue and lack of help (although both are the most important factors in a mother's well-being), it is changes at all levels, this is, without exaggeration, the great path of a woman to the role of a mother, which she often has to go through alone. admiration for young mothers who come to therapy soon after giving birth, finding ways to meet with me, sometimes at great cost. And I am proud that they allow me to enter this secret world, full of fears, guilt, despair, love, tenderness, sadness. I am proud of them because they have the courage to take responsibility for their motherhood, and they are ready to work to ensure that their children are truly happy.
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