2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
My first words to the psychotherapist were as follows. “I have a loved one, I love him very much and want to be with him, but it's hard for me to perceive his behavior. I know that I cannot change him, I want to change my reaction to his actions and deeds”.
Perhaps this determined my style in therapy with others. I try to start with what the person feels, why they have such emotions and reactions. I always want to turn it to myself.
In every situation with relatives or friends, I ask myself the same question: "what is my personal investment in the situation." I believe that first of all, each of us should work on ourselves, and only then pay attention to the behavior of others. First you need to look at yourself - what I did wrong - and then see what the person did wrong.
It helps me not to blame 100% of the interlocutor, and not to be offended by him. And what is most exciting is that it makes it possible to reduce and smooth out misunderstandings, misunderstandings, and brings objectivity. I don't want to “sulk” for a long time, and from the saying “you want to be happy or right,” I, of course, choose happiness.
Having met my inner child, adult and parent, I began to see them in my family and friends. Understanding who and when is included in me or in them, I begin to act more reasonably and consciously.
SELF-development, SELF-knowledge, SELF-awareness, SELF-control - all this is not as easy as it seems. It is much easier to blame the other, tell him constructive criticism, or just say a bunch of different words about how he is and how he needs to change something in himself. And it is insanely difficult to work on myself, to understand that I myself am wrong about something. To understand sincerely, not by reason or by reasoning of the mind, to understand with the heart. When we understand that our heart is wrong, we begin to act differently. We are starting to change.
It became easier for me in relationships. And all this is due to contact with yourself. The heart was connected to the mind, and in this, I believe, was the key to a successful and powerful contact with oneself. I began to change behavior, thoughts, and many internal processes changed automatically. I became equal to other people, but on the other hand. If I don’t know something, I don’t understand, I can’t, I don’t know how, it means that others have the same set, but their own, peculiar to them. I realized that what is easy, simple, logical for me - for others can be difficult, difficult and lacking common sense. If I have injuries, pains, difficulties and they often come to the fore, then there is this in others (especially in my parents). If I can communicate from the perspective of a child, of course others (and especially my parents) do the same. From this was born acceptance.
For what else am I grateful to this interaction with myself? I have learned to live in the here and now. I felt the present and how strong it is. Before that, I lived either in the future (which I want to be) or moments from the past. I realized that my real life is happening at this moment. Yes, she is influenced by the past, like what I experienced in it. Yes, it is very important to set goals for the future, to strive for something. I appreciate everything that is left in yesterday and it is important for me what I am going to. Therefore, I came to the conclusion that it is not the length of life that is important, but its latitude, i.e. how I live the present and how I organize it.
Always start with yourself, contact with yourself = contact with the world.
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