2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
People - Victims
They learned early that they were not needed. And in order to be useful, they began to perform an important function. And then they became that function, for example, the scapegoat.
After all, each apartment is equipped with a toilet, which is also necessary for a codependent family system. The family secretly chooses such a member and unconsciously sacrifices him.
The family ignores the psychological boundaries and personal space of the poor fellow, dancing shamanic dances on them. He is offended and humiliated. The Victim's value of another person is much higher than his own. He has experienced a lot of pain and is afraid to hurt another, therefore, sacrifices himself. And freezes his sensitivity so as not to go mad with pain.
When the accumulation of negative feelings goes off scale, a nervous breakdown can occur. The poor fellow cannot withstand the hellish burden and becomes a patient of clinics, carrying the disease of the family.
The victim learns from childhood that he is always guilty. It is followed by a shadow of Toxic Guilt - for everything and for the fact of its existence.
He was negatively compared to others until toxic shame developed - not of the deed, but of self-shame.
And if suddenly this person hesitantly vyaknets, intending to protect himself. Sanctions of unprecedented force will fall on him, including the threat of a break in relations. And this is a terrible horror for the poor fellow. At the age of 3, instead of Autonomy, he began to form emotional codependency from another person. Moreover, from the enslaver, who shamelessly uses his resources and health.
The female victim is enveloped in the good girl's complex, like a cocoon. She has no right to demand and defend, there is only a duty to serve, to give, and to please.
Example.
A family lives with 2 daughters. The youngest is similar to her mother in appearance and temperament. And the eldest is a copy of the father-in-law. The mother unconsciously gives preference to her darling, which allows much. The younger one regularly kicks up and violates the boundaries of the older one, who kicks in response to put the younger in her place. But mom immediately protects the offended youngest, punishing the older one. Whatever happens between the sisters, the eldest is to blame, because she is 1, 5 years older. And the youngest learned to expose the older one under attack and happily used it.
Over time, the eldest realized that when they were offended and attacked, it was impossible to get angry. We must endure the pain and humiliation. Because if you show anger, you will be guilty, trampled with shame, calling names and frightening.
The Sacrifice is formed from the older one. The block for the expression of aggression is firmly established. And now she is a joy for scammers of all stripes who are ready to use her. She will not be able to defend herself. After all, defense is also aggression, only constructive. And she is forbidden to show aggression from childhood.
And the youngest is a permissive child who violates the boundaries of the other and does not understand why people are angry with her.
The eldest is crushed, the youngest is bloated. Bad for both: each is far from the real itself.
What do you think?
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