2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Fatigue.
I want to speak honestly and directly, without hiding the sharp edge of resentment behind my back. To illuminate the road for those who walk and seek, this is not mine, the light of my lantern is enough only for me alone, at least that's fair. Perhaps, in a different coordinate system, my lantern will be a guiding star for someone on a long journey home, perhaps it will give someone hope that he is not alone in this night forest, but that the light of the lantern will overtake horror on someone. To be honest, I myself am afraid to walk with a lantern in hand in the darkness of an unknown forest.
Such a heaviness falls on the eyelids, unpleasant sensations come every day, reminding of the oppressive feeling of unbearable life, in such a lost state. Fatigue is in me, she breathes into my mouth, her breath fills me, artificially ventilating my lungs, filling them with an unbearable exhausted bliss. This kiss is tart with a taste of pomegranate, like the response of death, heard far around the corner, there is nothing but us two, eye to eye, hand in hand, only we are in this world. I'm so tired of your hugs, tired, I have nothing to give you except my displeased expression on my face. Why are you with me? Our house looks like a refuge from a terrible internal war, a bedroom is dug in trenches, I crawl on my stomach, I am constantly afraid to straighten up, I do not have enough light, I love to watch how it is reflected on the green leaves of trees, you know about it. I'm so tired of saying that I love, what's the difference and who needs it, if you only see my eyes, for you I am perfect, but for me, you are a goddess. You chose me, and I am now yours, look how afraid I am to raise my eyes and look at you, I am weakened for a proud chin, but still loved by you. Fatigue, I am afraid of you and I pray for you, you saved me from the burden of grief to be strong, you probably knew something in advance, but I did not. My strength still feeds you, the current flows through the veins, your eyes burn and your lips still feel the warmth of my breath. And I dream about the sunlight on the leaves, about the colors of the world, so bright, even in deep gray, I can see them. Fatigue, I know that thanks to you I cannot run, then I would not notice anything around, thank you. I can hardly move, I crawl, the time around me has frozen, and it does not matter to me what date it is today, if the sun is shining, this is my day.
A titan sleeping on the move, with awakened strength that flows through the fingers of the goddess of weakness and oblivion. The libido flows, a calm calm river, taking the raft with it. Its quiet course does not excite the imagination; it slowly bends around the bend of the river and disappears into the distance of the waterfall. Everything floats away in the river of time without a trace, everything is lost, and I stand on the bank in an embrace with the goddess, she supports me by the shoulders, she knows and understands everything, I am silent, in my eyes there is a barely perceptible prayer and tears of forgiveness. I was too weak in the beginning to fight for the right to be tired at the end of the road. And she came to support me, and I, I looked around and did not see anyone who would scare me even more terrible than a goddess. Fatigue knows me better than I do. How could I be without her? Most likely, I myself would become tiredness for someone else. I cannot stop this river, but I can lie on this raft floating on the waterfall.
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