2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Back in the summer at the Tantris festival
there was a ritual where in one of its parts it was necessary to recognize God in your man. That is, to look into his eyes and say: "You are my God." It turned out to be difficult for me here. It was not easy to do it seriously and sincerely. Do not flirt as I often do, but say these words to your beloved opposite. The tongue didn’t turn right away, the jaw was clenching, and when it turned around, tears rolled down. Why was it so difficult? After all, I love him, I recognize his power over me….
Yes, to myself, I admit very quietly how I depend on him. But that in the eyes … Open … I am the very vulnerability at this moment. Here I am brackeing all my strength, independence and admit how much he means to me. I surrender with giblets …
I was so uncomfortable, because once upon a time, when I gave up like this, I knew nothing but surrender. This was my only weapon. I used it regularly and of course it got bored.
Then I persistently went into autonomy, built up my strength, and I still do it. Moving further and further from the brink where I can completely surrender to a man, doing it less and less.
It was very important for me to repeat to myself: "You are strong", so at the time of the ritual it was scary to say to him on the contrary: "You are strong." As if it will bring back the past again, where he is strong and I am weak. As my coach says, she smeared the colors of the past for the present.
And when I repeated with tears in my eyes many times: "You are my God, you can do anything," I realized that the real is different. It consists in the fact that recognizing the strength in the other, I no longer lose mine. We are both strong.
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