Divorce Is Worse Than Death

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Russia is ahead of the rest in terms of the number of divorces. Every second marriage breaks up, and every year almost 400,000 children are forced to live without a father!

In a divorce, the issues of material support usually come to the fore: the division of housing, property, the payment of alimony. Few people pay attention to the severity of the psychological consequences not only for children, but also for the parting spouses.

And in fact, divorce is worse than death

When a loved one passes away, you forgive him everything! There will be no sun, warmth, joy in his life. Where he is - emptiness. And only the feeling of guilt reminds that it was possible to give more warmth during life, more often to say words of love and gratitude.

But when he leaves your life for his own, then:

• The bitterness of resentment, disappointment, accumulated mutual claims and omissions pours out on the former companion as if from a cornucopia and, perhaps, you get it in the opposite order.
• A lot of questions torment the soul, such as: “What is wrong with me? Why was I left? Why is another life partner better than me? What did he find in her that is not in me?"
• Perhaps you are tracking his life without you. Better, happier, is he more successful than with you? Some enter into correspondence competition with him on the topic: "I will prove to you that without you I can be happier."
• You have to share friends and property, tear up photographs, change your place of residence.
• You are forced to explain to your child how they love him so much that they do not want to see him or do not want to live with him.
• The feeling of one's own inferiority in connection with the experienced divorce is aggravated by the need to find explanations for relatives.
• It is difficult and problematic to enter into a new relationship, because you drag along with you the pain of the experience of separation and subconsciously expect similar behavior from a new companion. “What if he betrayed? What if he leaves at the most inopportune moment? What if it doesn't work out and it hurts again from separation?"

Parting

It doesn't matter how the parting happened: with tears or composure, through a court or by agreement - it becomes one of the most destructive experiences in life. After a while, people feel like they think about their pain with alienation. But this is not the case. In a divorce, every member of a broken family goes through all the stages of "acute grief." Because any change in life a person experiences, emotionally going through stages of acute grief: shock, denial, anger, depression, bargaining, acceptance. With the right experience, the process ends with the acceptance of the situation after 4-6 months. But the danger lies in the fact that any of the participants can get stuck in one of the stages or find themselves in a vicious circle (when the stages replace each other for many years) without achieving acceptance of the situation and getting out of the state of grief. The pain of a broken marriage accompanies life, leaving an imprint on new relationships or completely blocking the possibility of their emergence.

Prerequisites for divorce

Signs of divorce appear long before the final decision on separation is made. If they are noticed in time, then the collapse of the marriage and family can be prevented.

When people are in love:

• They pay attention to everything that their partner does: how he looked, what he said, what his mood is, what he wants.
• There is a desire to be better oneself and to show in relation to a loved one only the best that is in life, behavior, character.
• The period of falling in love is accompanied by a desire to give in to a partner and satisfy his needs.
• This period is accompanied by a lot of attention to each other, time spent together.
• A person in love openly expresses gratitude and praise to their partner.

When people become a couple, they rebuild their entire social world and instead of “my” friends and relatives, “our” friends and “our” relatives appear. Now they have our time, our children and our property.

• Gradually, what was previously a joy becomes a duty, what was a concern for a loved one becomes a burden. Spouses begin to behave towards their partner as if he owes them and owes them the very fact of marriage.
• There is no longer a desire to be interested in the wishes of a partner, but there are resentments: why does he not pay due attention to the family.
• There is no desire to concede, but exactingness appears.
• Praise and gratitude gives way to criticism and accusations.
• And often the negative emotions held back in society fall on innocent family members.

But the main mistake in a divorce-leading relationship is the behavior of a disgruntled partner. He does not speak openly about the problem, but begins to express his dissatisfaction through hints: a disgruntled look, silence, complaints, an unhappy look, and the like. Meanwhile, the second partner does not even suspect about problems in family life.

Fear of direct confrontation prompts a series of actions that indirectly create change.

• Instead of open communication, a wall of silence is erected about important aspects of spiritual intimacy. All communications boil down to a conversation on the necessary everyday topics: the study of children, purchases for the household.
• Destroyed "our time" and the partner begins to spend more time at work or devote his personal hobbies.
• Then “our friends and relatives” is destroyed - a “confidant” appears. Someone opens their souls in a love affair on the side, and someone seeks consolation from parents, brothers, sisters or friends.
• The dissatisfied partner focuses on problems in the relationship, on listing the disadvantages of living together and imposes on the other partner the burden of maintaining the relationship unilaterally.

The situation escalates until the partners become embittered to the point that rupture seems to be the only alternative. But after a breakup, rebuilding a relationship is much more difficult than maintaining a marriage.

Reconciliation is possible in a number of cases, but more often it turns out that when the dissatisfied partner realizes his mistake and offers to start all over again, he gets the answer “No”.

In a good relationship, negotiations take place all the time. Whenever one person in a relationship goes through some kind of transition: a job change or disappointment in it, illness, the death of a close relative - all this is potential stress for the couple. The key is to listen to each other and pay attention to each other's needs despite any distractions.

When it comes to the person you love, nothing should be taken for granted.

Take care of each other, direct your marriage ship to preserve the relationship and, while there is an opportunity, every day answer yourself to the question: "How can I improve my marriage?"

Use effective methods of keeping family relations good "Together and Forever" and you will be able to keep your family for many years and raise your children in a full-fledged and happy family.