2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One day a child comes to the conclusion that his parents do not like him. The very thought causes severe trauma. He might not have been told directly that he was not loved, but he saw it, felt it: he saw that other children were being hugged, but no one had ever hugged him, he bitterly heard a classmate's father say that he was proud of his son, and no one to him and never said that - it was for happiness, if the mother did not speak humiliatingly about him, did not call him "brat" or "darmaed". And he always interfered with his mother, and then she would shout to him irritably: "Leave me alone!" The father left the family altogether and did not want to know anything about him. During the day, the child could not be fed because his needs were simply forgotten. But the mother often repeated that he broke her life.
As a result, the child grew up with the attitude that people do not know how to love, that they live with each other for some benefit, but definitely not because of love.
Even if a loving person constantly tells him: "I love you", give gifts, care, he still cannot believe it or will not want to, so as not to get hurt when the "lie" is revealed. He will try to clarify, check what can be hidden behind this declared love. His perception will be fixed on what can confirm the dislike of the other than on the opposite. And as a result, he will find evidence that he is not loved: for example, a loved one in a quarrel will shout something offensive, and from this the person will experience pain, but also a certain feeling of freedom and predetermination: “I knew that I was not loved, and mine fears were confirmed, now you can continue to live without this stupid hope of love, and since they do not love me, then I can not love.
A person prefers to maintain a distance in relationships, build them on a pragmatic basis or not build them at all. The worst case scenario is when a person in a relationship repeats the scenario of his mother: "since the mother did not love me, why should I love my child?" Moreover, he seems to begin to take revenge on his child for this. This behavior characterizes a person with an infantile life position. Often, parents who abandon their children or are irresponsible to their upbringing have latent sociopathy, narcissism, or schizophrenia.
A good prognosis, when a person, working with a therapist, comes to understand about the mental illness of his parents and tries to confront these destructive patterns in his behavior, otherwise building his life scenario, rebelling together with his healthy part against the symptom, and not uniting with the symptom against everyone …
* Reproductions: Nino Chakvetadze.
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