2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How people resist development
Several beliefs that inhibit your personal development and steer your life on a circular path:
1. What will the psychologist tell me new? I myself know what my problem is.
2. I can handle it myself. Am I worse than others?
3. Only psychos and sick people go to psychologists.
4. I do not want someone to dig in my brain.
5. I am developing: I read books on psychology, articles and listen to videos on YouTube - this is enough for development.
6. I'm all right, it's all the other sick psychos.
7. I have no money for a psychologist.
8. I don't have time for a psychologist.
9. I don't have a fur coat, what other psychologist is there?
10. Why do I need a psychologist, I have friends, relatives (sauna, alcohol, drugs).
11. If I go to a psychologist, I will become addicted to a psychologist.
12. I don't want to talk about my childhood, mom and dad.
13. No one will help me.
14. Medicines will help me.
15. Psychologists are all sick in the head.
16. The psychologist is fully responsible for the outcome of psychotherapy.
Not much depends on me.
17. Psychologists are ALL charlatans.
18. A psychologist is needed only to give advice.
19. Enough 1-10 visits to a psychologist for my life to improve qualitatively.
20. I'm afraid it will hurt me if I tell a psychologist about my life.
At least one of these beliefs suggests that your psyche resists changes and spiritual, personal development, that your unconscious does not want to open cards and bring your unconscious content into the zone of awareness.
What is resistance? It can be a banal fear of change, fear of the future: what will it be like after I understand that I live my whole life, for example, in a destructive scenario imposed on me by society or by previous generations of my ancestors? What will happen next if I understand that, for example, my husband (wife) is emotionally manipulating me? As it will be? What if suddenly I find that the person closest to me has completely taken power over me? Or even worse, will I understand that I myself am a despot? Or will I understand that I am frightened as a child by my wonderful beloved parents - holy people, and therefore I am trying to control and manipulate everyone who will be in the immediate radius of my life?
What is resistance? It could be shame. I will stand in front of another person, so imperfect, unfortunate, bad.
What to do? How will my life change when I learn so much new about myself, when I will see clearly, when I begin to understand all my motives and actions, and then, perhaps, I will need to leave those whom I love so much, but just not in able to tolerate their antics? As it will be? I’ll be scared, right? How can I survive alone, without my despots and tyrants, how can I survive without the idea that I am a good person, great, brilliant, the most right in the world. How will I survive if I find that all this time I was destroying myself, I was digging my own grave and drove myself like a circus horse pony into a run in a circle.
All these fears and shame block the development of personality.… And then, unconsciously, a person clings to something that does not satisfy him and that which is toxic. A swamp, but a familiar swamp.
No, I'm not talking about the fact that everyone without exception needs a psychologist, although he is needed for the prevention and research of his unconscious, nevertheless, to the same extent as the dentist you go to for a preventive examination or the sports coach with whom you work. to keep fit …
As long as your resources are strong, you can handle the stress. But there comes a moment, if there was no prevention, there comes a moment of truth, when a crisis occurs in every person's life. And what a pity that they come to the psychologist when "the ceiling has collapsed and the walls have collapsed", when the wife has left or the child is "addicted" when the diagnosis is "cancer" … what a pity that people treat psychotherapy like an ambulance, and not as prevention and development.
PS A psychologically healthy person is one who, in the place where he is at the moment, at the time when it happened, to the person to whom this is addressed, can express his feelings in an I-message, that is express your experiences in a form that is not destructive to another. Regardless of who the object of the senses is: a boss or a child, a husband or an employee … it doesn't matter. Health is the ability to express feelings in a constructive way. But in order to express them, you need to at least know what are the 7 basic feelings, distinguish them from one another and give yourself the right to express these feelings.
A healthy person is someone who clearly understands their needs…. It seems to me important for every person to ask themselves these questions. Do you know what basic needs might be? Do you understand your need at every moment? A healthy person can calmly say "No" to another, refuse. He can also say "No" to himself. A healthy person has no and yes in balance. A healthy person knows how to ask without fear of being denied. He gives himself the right to refuse, and he also gives this right to others.
A healthy person understands the motives of all his actions and words. At every moment of time, he understands why this or that action he performs.
A healthy person is a conscious person. And my deep conviction is that awareness comes in contact with another person, or better with a specially trained person who has undergone his long-term psychotherapy, and not through clever books and articles. How many not read, but the affect rolls over and you again wonder at yourself: well, how could I not restrain myself again? And what happened to me? And then guilt, shame and fear that no one will love and respect me so bad. Running in a circle …
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