2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How to deal with people and in situations that throw you off balance, in other words, they annoy you, and you are angry with them.
I propose an effective exercise that will allow you not to avoid such people and situations, but to perceive them correctly.
To begin with, analyze whether you noticed behind yourself that you are trying in every possible way to avoid situations that cause anger, anger, irritation in you, which simply make you nervous? If so, I recommend that you change your behavior and attitude towards this.
Let me explain why.
By avoiding such situations, you, of course, rid yourself of destructive thoughts and feelings, but unfortunately, you cannot control your thoughts, which are precisely the basis of your unpleasant sensations.
AVOIDANCE TACTICS helps, but for a very short time and in the end you will either explode anyway, or force yourself to hold back a lot, which will entail a loss of self-confidence.
If you consistently avoid your boss, colleague, or relative, then you will certainly experience less negative feelings, but you will not be able to relate to him realistically and consciously.
The point is, in order to understand whether a particular person truly annoys you, you need not avoid him, but rather get in touch in order to experience his influence on yourself. Only by meeting what you avoid and practicing in life can you learn not to react to the person, not get angry, not worry, and not put yourself against everyone.
AN EXERCISE
Think of all the situations, people, circumstances at work, at home, in society that drive you crazy. First, make a decision that next time you will not avoid them. The main thing is to realize that giving up avoidance will not harm you, but rather help to work on your reaction. You will be able to feel how unpleasant it is to be a victim and how good it is to be able to work on your emotions and reactions in such situations.
Next, make a list of the people and situations that bully you.
Title the list like this: “Difficult People and Situations I Will Confront, Not Avoid.”
Let me give you an example:
1. Situation: Son. Behaves badly, manipulates, and I agree to his terms or just ignore his behavior, and then break off at him, feeling weakness behind me.
How to fix: I will be more firm in my decisions in relation to my son, and I will be calmer with him, instead of ignoring his behavior and asking him to do something.
2. Situation: Ivan Ivanovich, chief. Exposes unrealistic reporting deadlines.
How to fix it: I will calmly discuss certain issues with Ivan Ivanovich and negotiate more realistic conditions, instead of being offended and angry with him.
3. Situation: Marina, colleague. I do not like that she competes with me and puts me in a bad light in the team.
How to fix: I will talk to Marina and tell you what confuses me in our cooperation with her, instead of complaining about her to others behind her back.
4. Situation: Husband. He always exaggerates that I am in a bad mood, and we quarrel, reproach each other and remember all the sins. I already knowingly know that he will pay attention to my mood.
The Fix: I will cook a delicious dinner for my husband and we will have a wonderful evening. Instead of reacting to his thinking about my mood, then to quarrel and scatter to different rooms. Etc.
Make such a list and immediately write how you will correct your attitude. Having worked out the situation on paper, you will know in advance how to behave next time. And you don't have to avoid and hide in a shell, feeling sorry for yourself and hating the whole world. You will be able to rationally look at everything and choose the right solution.
An adult differs from a non-adult in that he is responsible for his choice. He is responsible for his thoughts, feelings, actions. And if someone annoys you, it is first of all your choice to be annoyed with this person.
I am convinced that we ourselves build our life, by our own choice. Make a choice towards a conscious life, not a dream life.
All the best!
Author: Alexandra Strogonova
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