2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Very often we find ourselves in a destructive relationship and cannot get out of it for a long time. With some people we fill up and we have a sense of the value of ourselves, harmony, we want to create, be better and develop.
But sometimes a woman unconsciously loses herself in a relationship - there is no state of fulfillment, joy, harmony. Despite this, this relationship continues. And the woman does not realize that she is in a codependent relationship.
What is it?
Codependent relationships is a state of strong human affection. One person absorbs the state of the other. And then the person becomes dependent either physically or psychologically. This is a rejection of oneself, of one's desires, feelings, needs, emotions. In such a relationship, the partner unconsciously begins to adjust and become attached to the other in order to close some basic need (financial, psychological, emotional or other).
You are in a codependent relationship if you exhibit the following symptoms:
- ignoring personal needs;
- full surrender to others, the realization of the desires and interests of other people;
- lack of self-confidence, inability to voice their desires and needs;
- the desire to receive love and increase the sense of self-worth is realized through the manifestation of care for the people around;
- inner conviction that another person cannot love just like that - love must be earned;
- inability to define their own boundaries;
- the strongest desire to save other people;
- living a negative spectrum of emotions (pain, suffering, uselessness, etc.);
- make a good impression on others, please, adjust to the emotional background of the partner;
- dependence of someone else's opinion and the absence of one's own;
- the ability to control a partner - behavior, deeds, actions;
- there is no trust in your feelings.
Getting into such a relationship is based on an unmet basic need in childhood. In childhood, there is severe trauma or emotional pain due to an unmet need, and we react by blaming ourselves or another person.
This injury can persist into adulthood. 5 key injuries that can lead to this relationship:
- to be rejected, - to be abandoned, - to be humiliated, - trauma of betrayal, - injustice trauma.
At each injury, the child learns to defend himself and puts the protection in the form of a "mask". Through this protection, he goes to the outside world and interacts there.
If you have already got into such a relationship and all the signs are present, such as:
1. The need to constantly prove something. Feelings of discomfort and self-doubt.
2. There is general involvement, limited social life, neglect of friends and interests.
3. Fear of changes in the personality and character of the partner.
4. Presence of jealousy, possessiveness, fear of competition, fear of losing a partner.
5. Demonstration of strength or superiority of one of the partners.
6. Partners are trying to change, adjust, re-educate each other for some kind of image.
7. One partner, as it were, saves the other, providing him with comfort and peace of mind.
8. There are no personal boundaries at all, they merge.
9. Intimacy is used as a lever and a means of manipulation by the other partner.
10. Separation is unbearable for each other.
11. There is despair, pain.
Then you need to try to transform the relationship and transfer them to another level in order to achieve a situation when:
1. There is personal space, freedom, mutual respect based on trust.
2. There are different independent interests, own friends, the presence of significant relationships with other people.
3. Stimulates the personal growth of each other's development and a sense of security. Partners help each other, not compete.
4. There is mutual trust in the relationship.
five. There are compromises, negotiations, openness, joint problem solving.
6. Each other's individuality is accepted, respected and supported.
7. Self-sufficiency and independence of both partners and the emotional state of one does not depend on the mood of the other.
8. Respect for the personal boundaries of the partner, taking care of him, based on non-interference.
9. Sex is a free choice of partners based on tenderness and mutual respect.
10. Ability to enjoy solitude.
11. There is a state of comfort and fulfillment.
This is a complex process. But in the women's club with Olga Salodka, you can always find support and get answers to your questions. And life will sparkle with new colors. Join us!
With love and care
Olga Salodkaya
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