2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One of the functions of the feeling of resentment is signaling. The meaning of this function is that the feeling of resentment that has arisen signals us about the violation of contact. In my previous publications on the topic of resentment, I proposed to consider resentment not as a feeling, but as a process in which not only the emotional level is involved, but also the cognitive and volitional ones. This understanding makes it possible to consciously manage resentment and choose behavioral reactions.
Common causes of resentment include:
- Betrayal, treason, deceit;
- Bullying, ridicule, slander, gossip, rumors, insults;
- Disregard, contempt, ignorance, devaluation;
- Increased attention to the other, hyper control;
- Instructions, teachings, unsolicited advice;
- Impudence, lack of a sense of tact and proportion,
- Ingratitude;
- Breach of obligations, refusal of a request;
- Lack of understanding and sensitivity, emotional support;
- Difference of opinions, beliefs, "pictures of the world";
- Lack of recognition, attention, lack of respect;
- Manipulations of various kinds.
In any case, in the subjective perception of the offended, a strong emotional reaction arises from a whole tangle of feelings, which indicate wounded pride and dignity.
Any contact involves two parties. In this case, it is important to share the responsibility of both parties for the quality of this contact. Answering the question “Who is to blame?” Will not help you get rid of destructive and toxic experiences. Much more constructive will be work aimed at finding an answer to the question: "What to do?"
The offender's responsibility is to analyze his expectations and claims in relation to the offender, his “pain points”, as well as the offender's motives.
The abuser's actions can be intentional or unintentional. The abuser may not be aware of your expectations and "pain points", and take an action that you perceive as offensive, unintentional, not with the aim of causing you harm and pain.
What can you do in contact? Telling the offender about your feelings and expectations, about what was offensive to you in his act - thus, there is a response in the form of honest information. The person who offended you may not know about your wounds and traumas, and, having learned about them, may become more sensitive and careful in relation to you. The next step is to reconsider the adequacy of your expectations and needs, to find a way to satisfy them on your own. Found in contact, bring your own "pain points" to your psychotherapist for the purpose of healing, as well as direct your efforts to develop your own flexibility and resilience.
If the offender's actions were deliberate, then the offender's responsibility is to protect his or her dignity. As in the first case, it is necessary not to swallow the offense, not to condone, but to directly tell the offender about your feelings, and then make a decision on the further form of contact with him. Leave or stay. If you stay, then how to build long-range interaction. You can demand compensation for the damage caused in the form of an apology. However, the offender, as a second party to the contact, may not admit that he has caused harm to the other and is not ready to compensate for the damage caused. And this is already his choice and responsibility, a matter of his inner peace and conscience.
To live with or without resentment is up to you!
Recommended:
Resentment. What It Is? Why Is Resentment And How To Deal With It?
Feeling and emotion are often used synonymously and are characterized as a psychological process that reflects a subjective evaluative attitude towards existing or possible situations. However, emotions are a direct reaction to something based on an intuitive level, and feelings are a product of thinking, experiencing accumulated experience, permissible norms, rules, culture … Many researchers divide emotions into negative, positive, and neutral.
Psychological Muscle Function
The metaphorical idea of the psychological functions of individual muscles also follows from the concept of the bodily "attachment" of certain personal qualities. Correction of psychological problems can be carried out through the normalization of the state of the muscles.
Guilt And Resentment. Resentment And Guilt. Two Sides Of The Same Coin
Why did I suddenly combine such different, polar feelings into one topic? That is why - they live in a bundle - where there is guilt, there is also resentment. And vice versa. But one of them, as a rule, we do not notice in ourselves. If we are offended, then we do not talk about our guilt, we "
ILLUSION OF CHOICE OR HOW THE EGO FUNCTION WORKS
In this text I will share some thoughts about the peculiarities of the Ego-function in terms of the Self theory. First, let's define the terminology. Self concept is a specific concept gestalt therapy … Self is not synonymous with the concept of self in psychoanalytic representation - it is not some essential core that is the result of early identifications, but rather the process of their appropriation.
Resistance And Breakdowns In Therapy. What Is, Function And Manifestation
Resistance is a very important part of therapy, because in 99.9% of cases it means that a person is climbing up and growing, gaining new experience and trying to put it into practice, and is on the verge of the biggest leap in his inner improvement.
