2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Maxim, 24 years old: "We have been dating for three months and the girl demanded to remove all exes from social networks"
It is important to define the content of this requirement.
Such a message speaks of only one thing: the partner seeks to control your social circle and prevent potential (read future former) passengers from entering their territory.
The problem can come from two sources:
1) lack of confidence in you 2) lack of confidence in yourself.
If a girl sees that you are a damn loving womanizer and has already managed to fall in love with you, and there is an army of exes behind you, then such a request indicates that she would like to preserve and develop your relationship, and is extremely afraid of losing you.
In this case, your gesture to break ties with the past will speak of your interest and desire to develop you as a couple.
She is unsure of herself: there is an unmet need in the past, where there was a traumatic experience of being abandoned (hello to parents and ex).
It is important to understand that control in a relationship is not a bad thing, it is a litmus test of interest. I'm not talking about pathological jealousy now. I will write a separate post about this.
So in the first case: if communication with many other women / men is critically important for you and you are not ready to give it up, and this brings a lot of negative emotions to your partner, parting cannot be avoided.
Relationships will inevitably turn into endless srach and, as an extreme option, codependency. Constant shit, litigation and mutual insults. Variants of passive aggression are possible: omissions and resentments.
If freedom is a priority for you, such a relationship should be terminated in the early stages.
In the second case: it is important for her to know that you will not offend her feelings. Then the rule of maximum openness and honesty should be introduced into the relationship. Work to build trust. This is important for your partner! In the future, this will contribute to mutual development, and such questions will not arise. They will simply have nowhere to come from.
In a healthy relationship, change never happens through violence. The question is about your personal boundaries and your willingness to sacrifice them for the sake of your partner.
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