2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When a child doesn't want to go to school, what's behind it?
If you began to notice that your child is nervous, has become more stooped, slowly gathers and complains about feeling unwell when you need to go to school, has begun to study worse, returns from school in dirty clothes, does not talk about school, and perhaps speaks openly: "I got sick of school." Be careful, such signs may indicate external pressure on the child. Your child may have encountered mobbing at school.
What is Mobbing?
For the first time this term was used by K. Lorenz to characterize the aggressive behavior of some animals against others. In the animal kingdom, it is often a question of repelling herbivores to a predator.
In the world of people, mobbing is a systematic persecution, persecution (humiliation, insults, etc.) by a team against a "stranger among their own."
In the school collective, this is displayed in the form of friendship against someone, and the provocateur who starts such a friendship is the first to appear. Most often, the instigator of bullying can be a leader who self-confident and aggressively behaves in a team, who does not want to give up the "palm", and most often is in very good standing with teachers (if this is a primary school), or openly defiantly leading with teachers (secondary school).
What is the seed of mobbing?
Mobbing can be provoked by a victim of persecution, for example, if it is a fighter for justice, a lover of truth, opposing his correctness to the team.
However, more often than not, collective persecution chooses a child who spoils the overall reputation of the class (poor academic performance, inaccurate dress), or has bad habits (wipe snot with his sleeve, smells bad from the mouth, etc.). Also, a child with good academic performance, but who, in principle, has no or very few friends, with weak communication skills (especially if the child has been transferred from another school), sensitive, vulnerable, impulsively reacting, with low self-esteem, can also get under the choice.
Sometimes it can be a child who is suppressed in the family, makes excessive demands, ignoring real opportunities.
Sometimes this is a child from a prosperous family, where there is overprotection - overprotection, when parents take care of him from the slightest or even imaginary difficulties at home, creating the most loving space, then the parents also deprive their child of acquiring their own responsibility and experience to build harmonious relationships outside the family.
And of course, children from a low socio-cultural environment, as well as children who are ashamed of their physical disabilities, can fall under the category of victims.
It is important to note that mobbing at school can also be started by the Homeroom Teacher. Skillfully using manipulation to edify others, the teacher conducts the educational process in front of the whole class, ridiculing behavior or academic failure, underestimating grades or not taking on common activities with children, justifying bad behavior.
The reason for high school mobbing may be falling in love.
For example, a girl who wants to have a boy from the class she likes in her retinue destroys an obvious competitor in this way or takes revenge on the boy for not paying attention to her.
Or, for example, a boy is afraid of instability in the hierarchy he occupies, and then he is established at the expense of weaker, tolerant boys, who, moreover, with poor physical training, who do not know how to laugh it off.
The most unpleasant thing is that the persecuted, who could not restrain themselves and impulsively reacted to the supposedly harmless joke, fall under the blow of the teachers.
And the worst thing for children is when adults learn about mobbing after a long time. And often this happens, the parents say: “do not complain, I did it myself,” sometimes because of a lack of trust in the family, or fear of being punished for their reaction, especially if mothers are ashamed of such behavior and they themselves give in to the teacher.
Prevention or how not to get to the landfill
- Love your children, but do not love. Self-esteem starts with the family. Build trust
- Read fairy tales to children, analyze examples.
An example of mobbing in fairy tales for example:
- Female jealousy - A. S. Pushkin "The Tale of Tsar Saltan". The royal choice of one of the girls entailed envy and persecution of others.
- Women's envy - Charles Perot "Cinderella"
- Male fear of not staying in the hierarchy. Folk tale "The Tale of Ivan Tsarevich, the Firebird and the Gray Wolf." Where the brothers decide to kill Ivan.
“- He hit us in front of his father and so he hit the dirt. We could not point the Firebird, but he pointed and snatched the feather from her. And now, look how much I got. He will stick out in front of him. Here we will show him. They drew their swords and cut off the head of Ivan Tsarevich … … The beautiful princess, frightened of death, swore to them that she would speak as she was commanded."
-About a stranger not accepted into his flock. G. Kh. Andersen "The Ugly Duckling"
Talk to your child about such topics. Share your knowledge, get his opinion. Fearing a child can be the beginning. Everyone has faced humiliation at least once, but not every situation has escalated into mobbing. It may be that your child experienced something like that, and a mark and a scar remained. And that also needs to be given attention, because in the future, in order to confirm the fact “I coped”, already being matured, it may itself provoke such situations in the work collective.
Parents should teach their child how to protect themselves constructively. Many people think it means to endure, to talk, to be polite always, which means, where it is necessary to give change, somewhere to laugh it off, somewhere to remain silent.
If your child is at the mobbing range
First, we must admit that something is missing in upbringing or in family relationships, but this does not mean that you are a bad parent. This means that you need help. Perhaps it is enough to send the child to the sports section, where he will have the experience of acceptance by the team, self-esteem will increase, it is possible to help the girl choose her own style, and sometimes parental support "I am always for you" is sufficient, etc. Or seek help from a psychologist.
Second, to understand the details of the situation and immediately, as they suspected something was wrong, take appropriate measures
Third, Act until you are sure that the child is safe (Involve the class teacher, school administration, social services, or transfer the child to another class if the problem is with the teacher) Each situation requires an individual approach.
Remember parents, in the family you teach your child how to build relationships with the world!
Recommended:
In The Absence Of Children In Marriage, I Believe It Is Quite Possible To Get Divorced. If You Have Children, You Need To Think Hard
Source: ezhikezhik.ru Is it possible to swear in front of a child, do children adopt parental models of behavior, what to do if you want to get a divorce, and do you need to live with a husband who yells and humiliates? Family and child psychologist Katerina Murashova reports.
How To Ground With Exercise
Belly and animal, and I also live life. Such similar words in Russian. Ukrainian trochas inakshe - that creature lives, a little bit in the literature, the word lives lives, like life, like life, but creature, like a beast. And there is a lot of truth in this.
Get Off The Ground
How often do I hear the request: “I’m frozen and don’t know what to do next. I'm in some kind of swamp, apathy, a dead end”… And there are still different options. And I myself sometimes fall into this state. Sometimes it sounds like this:
How To Get Off The Ground And Start Solving Problems
Various difficulties occur in the life of each person. Sometimes there are "problems" that are solved quickly and easily, and there are such "problems" that are unsettling. And at such moments it seems that somehow everything has dragged on, stagnated like a swamp and it is necessary to do something, but it is not clear what, how and in what sequence.
Consequences Of "mobbing" In Children's Groups
Mobbing (mob - crowd) - “bullying”, psychological pressure, pressure, moral violence and oppression by a group of persons of any person in a team. In order to inflict emotional, and sometimes physical harm, damage on this person. In every collective or group of people, there are various psychological interactions, sympathies-antipathies … Someone can irritate someone, and sympathize with someone at the same time.
