Aggressive Self-protruding

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Pema Chodron, a meditation teacher and my spiritual guide, once shared with me a well-known story with a completely unexpected ending.

In the 1970s, a famous photograph was taken of an armed National Guard lining up in an anti-war protest. A young woman came up to them and placed flowers in the barrel of one of the rifles. This photo was in all the newspapers. Pema once read an article in which a soldier holding that rifle and later becoming an anti-war activist made the slip that he had never seen anyone as aggressive as that young woman with her flowers, smiling broadly at everyone and making a big splash.

Most of the guys in the National Guard wondered how they got on this side of the barricades. And then this child of flowers appeared. She didn't look him in the eye. She did not see a person in him. It was all window dressing, and therefore painful.

After hearing this story, I pledged to pay attention to my own exemplary behavior. I used to be pretentious. In class at school, I liked to get up and said harsh and indecent things with the aplomb of a rebel. It seemed to me that this evokes an unprecedented resonance in the class and provides me with respect.

A recent case, where aggressive self-protruding manifested itself in all its glory, overtook me in the park. I ride my bike to the park in the morning, and I managed to make a couple of friends among the local dog lovers. One of them - a charismatic pensioner named Nikolai - shared with me that he fought in Laos. Nikolai added that he had spent a large chunk of his life in the army and had the rank of colonel at the time of his retirement. Hearing that he was a colonel, I immediately raised my right hand to the imaginary visor and saluted him, proud of how humorous and courageous I was. When our conversation ended, I felt that despite the positive emotions from deep spiritual union with a stranger, I felt deeply depressed. The trained psyche immediately gave out the reason: all this deliberate, demonstrative gesture.

This showcase performance, covered with concern for another person and a sense of humor, actually contained a deep desire to trump originality, gain respect and demonstrate their importance. In general, it was the same inner reason as in my school years - only today my personality has acquired layers of spirituality, awareness and the ability to penetrate deep into human motivations.

Aggressive self-protruding is a psychic manipulation mechanism that prevents our vulnerable and tender heart from an arrow that the enemy is capable of releasing. By rushing into the embrasure, we prevent a sudden hit: if I wait for an arrow, how can it catch me by surprise? Living in a state of anticipation of a blow, we can relax; and if the arrow is still fired, we can always refer to the fact that everything turned out exactly as we thought. Against the background of constant anxiety that accompanies every step of a modern person, such a tactic brings comfort.

If you've caught yourself extracting yourself, it's wise to pay attention to what is behind the need to express yourself that way. Self-extrusion can take any form: you have probably observed - and, perhaps, did it yourself - as during an office party in the center of a group male photo, an active and energetic female is found, causing a similar action a stifled laugh from other women and an uncertain an attempt to sit in the pose of don Juan from the side of men.

Ask yourself: Why do I choose to resort to self-extruding? What if I give up this giblet behavior and don't apply it at this particular moment?

Among the common reasons, you will surely find the desire to be accepted, to gain an advantage over other people, and the main one is to attest to your existence. The fear of being unrecognized, staying in the back rows and sitting all your life on the bench of ordinary people is another selection of reasons to resort to aggressive self-extrusion against the background of other people.

Self-extruding neurosis is not a reason to slip into feelings of guilt and launch a self-flagellation campaign. On the contrary: this is a reason to treat yourself compassionately and find that inside you crying a small child, ignored by everyone, whose reality no adult wants to share. It will be appropriate to support yourself here. Give your child a voice. Talk to him. Ask him: what is he afraid of? What happens if he suddenly becomes invisible? What does stealth mean to him?

Answering the above questions honestly will ensure progress towards growing up. Working with a therapist who is capable of genuine - not formal - human compassion can speed up the process a hundredfold.