2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We have already figured out the concept of "childhood trauma" and that this is a very strong emotional pain that a child experiences in situations when his inner need is not satisfied. This is the state that the child lives alone. And behind each injury there is a certain mask behind which the child hides.
In the previous article, we got acquainted with mask "fugitive" … Today, consider the trauma of the abandoned, "addicted" mask.
Once upon a time there was a little girl of 7 years old. And she had everything. But there was no support, emotional warmth and love from my dad. Therefore, she felt unnecessary and not good enough for her father.
Therefore, the girl began to close and suffer. She always looked sad and often cried, not understanding the reason for these tears.
Sad story? Sure! But it will seem more sad to you if we consider the consequences of such an injury.
Not having received paternal love and tenderness at the age of 7 years, such a girl in adult life will not be able to give love and attention to her man. After all, it is in childhood in relations with their father that girls learn the basics of communication with the opposite sex.
And I want attention and understanding. And different techniques are used, which determine mask "dependent".
- Self-pity. Constantly feeling sorry for herself, such a woman receives the missing attention and love of the people around her.
- Creation of dramatic situations. By creating such situations through illness, non-standard decisions or actions, a woman attracts attention to herself. And he feels needed and in demand.
- Jealousy. The woman explains this as a manifestation of love. In fact, jealousy covers the fear of being alone.
- Seeking help and advice. This is done to attract attention, not to take advantage of them.
- Willingness to adapt to another person. To receive attention and care, they are willing to sacrifice their desires. And they are even ready to endure violence, just not to be left alone.
The result is an unsightly "dependent" mask image. This mask is also called "victim". Sad eyes, drooping shoulders, outwardly unattractive. Unsure of her desires and no purpose in life. The key feeling of the person in this mask is suffering. And this is due to unjustified emotional feelings and expectations.
It is difficult for them to end the relationship. Therefore, the "victims" remain in a destructive dependent relationship. And they will continue this relationship so as not to remain lonely.
The lexicon often uses the words "alone", "I can't stand", "I was thrown", "I am not allowed to go."
Such women want a constructive relationship, but they push people away with their behavior. From them comes through negative and self-pity. But they broadcast all this unconsciously. And it turns out to be a vicious circle. The more they try to attract those around them by their actions, the more they want to run away and hide from them.
Another trauma we'll look at, trauma humiliated mask "masochist".
This injury is activated between the ages of 1 and 3 by one of the parents. At this age, the child learns the world through the senses - touch, smell, tactility. At some point, the child may realize that the parents are ashamed of his appearance or actions. For example, in the midst of a festive feast, a child stained his face and clothes with cake cream. Parents in the presence of guests scold the child, accompanying their speech with the words "dirty pig" or "unwashed pig". The moment the child was enjoying sensual pleasure, he was humiliated. And the feeling of shame comes.
Such children feel humiliated when they feel constant parental control or physical inhibitions. "Sit up straight." "Get your elbows off the table." "Do not jump".
And the humiliated child creates a mask of "masochist" for himself.
It is difficult for masochists in adulthood to enjoy and receive sensual pleasure. They do everything to look worthy in the eyes of the people around them or God. They blame themselves for everything and are even ready to take on the blame of another person.
They love to serve other people, but they do not satisfy their needs and desires. Masochists are very restrained in their words, they try not to offend or upset other people, they always forgive everyone. Therefore, their environment actively uses this. It is difficult for them to defend their boundaries, since their importance fades into the background. They believe that if they go about their needs and desires, they will be useless to others. They rarely have time for themselves.
Masochistic women choose to serve all the people they love. They often repeat the expressions "I live for the sake of children", "For me, a man is everything." Then such women feel humiliated by the fact that they are used. But they don't change anything in their life.
Such women can find themselves in situations of injustice to themselves, but they are convinced that they must endure, they must restrain their desires. Their motto is: "Enjoying life and getting the best out of life is not for me." They do everything so as not to experience the feeling of shame again and believe that for pleasure some kind of punishment will come from above or something bad will happen. Because enjoying is wrong.
Due to the fact that they shoulder an unbearable burden on their shoulders, they become overweight. A thick body, a rounded face, wide-open eyes - this is what a masochist looks like.
They are often very spiritual people and believe that they came to this world to suffer and alleviate the suffering of all mankind. They believe that everyone can and take responsibility for all family members. In this way, they allow themselves to be used for the sake of other people.
Masochists are happy to give up the burden they have taken on themselves, but it is very difficult for them to refuse loved ones and upset and.
In my author's program "The Art of Appreciating Oneself", we take a closer look at all childhood traumas and masks that we unconsciously wear.
And if you want to work through your childhood traumas more deeply, sign up for personal coaching or join the women's club with Olga Salodka - a community of successful, interesting and happy women around the world.
With love and care, Olga Salodkaya
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