2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How to put up properly after quarrels - Advice first. Avoid the "mistakes of reconciliation"
Some spouses, having admitted the quarrel itself, make additional mistakes in the form of attempts to reconcile in such a way that even more annoys his (her) partner. And these partners themselves, reacting to someone's clumsy attempts to reconcile, at the same moment in time commit no less stupid acts, “show character” and in every possible way avoid the renewal of those contacts that are necessary for the implementation of reconciliation.
The ten most common "mistakes of reconciliation" Having quarreled with your spouse absolutely not:
- to put up being drunk (especially to such a degree of alcoholic intoxication, when people in the morning do not remember that they have already made up and are trying to do it again, as if "for an encore!");
- to call in order to “have a thorough heart-to-heart talk and put everything in its place” in the midst of the working day of his “half”, when he (a) is working and does not have the opportunity to communicate normally. And her (his) refusal to communicate only adds fuel to the fire of the quarrel;
- refuse to pick up the phone when your spouse, with whom you are in a quarrel, tries to call you. As polls show, a partner at this moment may think that at this time you are already having sex with someone, are dead drunk (etc.) and therefore simply cannot answer! Of course, all this does not cause much joy in him (her);
- not to respond after a quarrel to neutral or conciliatory SMS of your "half". In this case, a very proud partner can be so offended that even the smallest quarrel can drag on for two weeks;
- send an SMS to that “half” with whom you are in a quarrel with a laconic request: “Dial me!”. The partner may be afraid that by calling first, he (a) as if puts himself in the position of "knowingly loser (s)" and therefore in the end will not call you. And the absence of a call from a partner, in turn, will cause a surge of negative emotions from your side. So an awkward attempt to reconcile with a boomerang will hit you yourself;
- after dialing for some time after a quarrel your "half" (or picking up the phone after her (his) call), start a conversation with the phrase: "Well, I hope you finally realized your mistakes and already want to apologize ?!" … As a rule, such a formulation of the question causes a frenzied rage and the person who picked up the phone (or called you himself), as a result, not only will not say a word of reconciliation, but, on the contrary, will compose something especially juicy and multi-storey for you in response;
- call and start your supposedly "conciliatory" conversation with the phrase: "You are certainly a bastard (an insensitive brute, an ungrateful animal, a traitor, etc.), but I love you and propose to forget about the disagreement that happened …". Such a beginning is extremely rarely very fruitful;
- after a quarrel, knock on the door of the spouse who has closed in the office or bathroom for hours with a categorical demand to immediately open and “sort things out”. This behavior rarely helps to overcome a family crisis;
- threaten that if your spouse does not take the initiative to reconcile within a certain number of days, you will immediately acquire a completely different loved one or start cheating;
- seek help from parents, close friends (girlfriends), or employers of their "half". Usually this is perceived by him (her) as a way to exert pressure (and this is exactly what it is!) And only exacerbates the situation.
How to put up correctly after quarrels -Advice second. Make peace within 24 hours after the quarrel! The surveys I have conducted over the years convincingly show:
The overwhelming majority of men and women want to be reconciled immediately on the day of the quarrel. And if this is so, then you should humble your character and no matter how angry or offended you are, make peace on the same day that the quarrel took place. Of course, it is also possible to put up two or three days after a quarrel, but it is very likely that someone from your couple will have that unpleasant aftertaste in their souls, which will subsequently become the cause of new quarrels. So, I advise you not to experiment on your personal happiness!
How to put up properly after quarrels -Advice the third. Take the initiative towards reconciliation
The family is a special place on Earth where men and women can and should be exactly what they really are - without unnecessary posturing and the desire to seem more important than they really are. Everything that happens in the family is deeply intimate and does not happen in front of everyone. That is why, having quarreled in our own family, unlike conflicts at work, where everyone is looking at us and evaluating our "fighting" behavior, we do not need to "stand to the death" and "defend our position no matter what", especially if we they themselves understand that they are wrong
My observations show:
In families where both spouses are able to take the first step towards reconciliation at once, there are practically no crises and divorces
Therefore, if you consider yourself a completely sane person and strive to keep your family together, learn to take the first step towards reconciliation, even if you think that you have offended you. Trust my polls and observations:
Be the first to put up with it and it will definitely be appreciated. Even if they don't say it out loud
Behave in your family … as in your family! Take the initiative towards reconciliation and your family future will not deceive you
How to put up correctly after quarrels -Advice the fourth. Know exactly what your partner expects from you
Here you can learn a little more. Let me remind you that this tip was written in accordance with Expectation # 4, which included two things at once:
Firstly, in order for the process of reconciliation itself to take place within the time frame and according to the scenario that your partner (s) has drawn in his head;
Secondly, it is essential that you, as the initiator of reconciliation, surrender not just like that, but fully or at least partially admitting that the other side is right!
Based on this, it follows:
- Know exactly when your partner prefers you to give up. In practice, different people may have completely different terms: some like to be put up with literally five minutes after the quarrel, while others are fundamentally convinced that if the disagreement lasted less than two or three days, then this means that the parties are so did not draw any conclusions and therefore early reconciliation is simply meaningless! (Of course, no one can tell you the favorite dates for reconciliation of your partner. You have to set them yourself! And it is best to identify them from an analysis of past quarrels or personal communication with a partner on this topic.
- During reconciliation, be sure to say that with a little reflection, you are ready to admit that your partner is right about something. This "in something" is actually not so scary. It is quite possible that your partner will simply become so pleased that no one will demand from you a significant change in your behavior or approaches!
How to put up properly after quarrels -Advice the fifth. Do not discuss a conflict situation at the time of reconciliation!My polls show:
Most of the quarreling lovers and spouses really do not like to return to the topic of the quarrel during the reconciliation
Of course, this does not mean at all that everything that happened should be simply forgotten and never returned to it. Of course not! After all, you and I remember that no matter how meaningless quarrels may seem, in fact, they never are: our unconscious never does anything for nothing! Therefore, you should still return to finding out the true causes of quarrels and mutual unrealized expectations.
However, have a little patience and just do it a little later …
How to put up correctly after quarrels -Advice six. Make peace very emotionally
Since most of the interviewed men and women (especially women!) Really want that the very moment of reconciliation was the most pleasant and memorable event, this means that it needs to be made very emotional! When you with flowers, cake or ice cream (most importantly, not with a rolling pin in your hands) go towards each other - immediately let out a cry of happiness, drop what was in your crayfish (God bless him, with this cake! The main thing is that you made up !!!), hug each other tightly, hug each other until your ribs crunch, kiss, start stroking each other's hair or back, and you may even cry a little! You know: you can't spoil porridge with butter!
How to put up properly after quarrels - Council Seventh. Explain to your spouse why you still decided to make up
When the question arises about the need to put up after a quarrel, every man and every woman really wants to know two things:
- he (her) was still appreciated!
- deciding to call first, the partner is doing it sincerely, and not trying to solve his financial, career or intimate problems at your expense. For this reason, in the monologue that you should compose before you begin to make up, it must be present:
- you finally understood and even felt what kind of a good person you live and communicate with all this time!
- you absolutely do not need anything from him (her), except that this person you adore so much (you just do not always show it well!) Always stay with you!
I can definitely assure you: it will definitely work!
Eighth advice. Convince your spouse that you were very bad without him (her)
This point is not at all a continuation of the previous point. In the seventh paragraph, it was mainly about those words and actions that work at the level of your partner's mind. Now is the time to tackle his emotions! The more courageously you admit that you have completely forgotten how to do without your loved one, the sooner you will make peace!
How to put up properly after quarrels - Council of the ninth. Convince your spouse that he (she) was very bad without you
You probably noticed the difference between the eighth and ninth paragraphs. In the first case, you convinced your quarreling "half" that the quarrel was bad for you, but now you should be convinced that the conflict was just as bad for him (her)! And this is especially useful in those families where after a quarrel they like to play "silent" for several days at once.
That is, a spouse who is going to reconciliation should definitely convince his partner that:
- in fact, he (a) suffered a lot without you;
- he (she) was bored without you and had no one to go to the cinema, to a cafe, or for a walk;
- the fact that he (a) has already begun to gradually get used to living without communication with you is just a short-term and extremely dangerous illusion … Technically, this is achieved through two methods: Two Techniques for Convincing Your Partner That He (She) Was Very Bad During Your Separation. Technique # 1. You offer an extensive cultural program.
When you go to reconciliation, you simply have to immediately offer your partner a range of entertainment, cultural or recreational activities! And the very fact of announcing this entire list will show him (her) that it is much more interesting with you than without you!
Reception number 2. You artificially warm up your partner emotionally by telling about your sufferings during a protracted quarrel, willy-nilly resurrect in his (her) memory your own sufferings of the first days of the quarrel. And everyone must have them
However, since most often it happens that by the time of reconciliation, the main suffering of your partner is already in the past, then the only way out for you is to evoke his (her) memories of his (her) own past suffering due to your absence. …And for this you have to tell him about your own suffering, how to emotionally "light" your partner.
At the moment of reconciliation of spouses after a protracted quarrel, one cannot save on emotions
If the spouse is “warmed up” emotionally, then the chances of the next conflict will be significantly reduced.
How to put up properly after quarrels -Advice ten. Convince your spouse that you are still his (her) family property
Whoever denies it, we need to understand:
Love and family relationships are necessarily built on a sense of ownership of one person to another
Therefore, at the moment of reconciliation, it is fundamentally important to suppress and extinguish the partner's quite natural jealousy, to convince him (her) that during your quarrel you did not change left and right, and your couple did not turn into a love triangle. In general, I advise you to make the most of the magical meaning of the phrase "I am your (me)"! The more often you repeat something stupid, like "Your cat missed you very much …", the faster you will overcome some alienation that naturally arises from jealousy. And during normal communication, all spouses can be advised: The more often you say to your partner “I was thinking of you,” the less quarrels and disagreements you will have!
With all three of these techniques, you are bound to succeed! I give you a good toolkit for the timely suppression or the right way out of family conflicts. It's time to put the rake aside and go hugging!
Sincerely, Andrey Zberovsky, family psychologist.
Recommended:
💥 How Do They Take A Husband Out Of The Family? 💥 Family Psychologist Zberovsky Will Tell All The Tricks And Tricks Of The Mistresses
Step 1. Sex leaves the family for a mistress. Since the real average number of sexual contacts that suit an ordinary person is three to four a week, personal meetings of lovers should take place at least three times a week and always be accompanied by intimacy.
💥 CHILDFREY, PERSONAL LONELINESS AND HORMONES. 💥 WHY I DO NOT WANT A FAMILY AND CHILDREN - THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION YOU WILL FIND IN THE ARTICLE. 💥 PSYCHOLOGIST TIPS
Childfree, personal loneliness and hormones. This article was written by me specifically for those who wish to understand the phenomenon of "Childfree" in modern culture, to understand the psychology of these people. But especially for the respected childfree women and men themselves
FAMILY LIFE. 6 BASIC FAMILY LIFE SCENARIOS FROM A FAMILY PSYCHOLOGIST
Family life. As you can see, family psychologists cannot fundamentally solve the divorce situation. But, nevertheless, since we, family psychologists, still exist, we must at least somehow help men and women, husbands and wives, their children and relatives.
💥 I HATE MEN (WOMEN) AFTER THE SEPARATION 💥
Indeed, any unsuccessfully ended love (and even more so - family) relationships, necessarily leave behind an unpleasant psychological aftertaste, even hatred of men or women for some time can even discourage any desire to have a new partner, try your hand at the next relationship … And this is quite logical - we are reasonable people to learn from our previous mistakes.
What Makes A Family? Three Types Of Modern Family From Family Psychologist Zberovsky
What makes a family? In practice, there are only three explanations for creating a family: - Because both partners love each other or experience other bright and strong positive emotions: affection, emotional comfort, intimate attraction, jealousy, the desire to have children together, etc.
