💥 I HATE MEN (WOMEN) AFTER THE SEPARATION 💥

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Indeed, any unsuccessfully ended love (and even more so - family) relationships, necessarily leave behind an unpleasant psychological aftertaste, even hatred of men or women for some time can even discourage any desire to have a new partner, try your hand at the next relationship … And this is quite logical - we are reasonable people to learn from our previous mistakes. However, I would like to draw your attention to one fundamental point:

Not many emails from readers:

→ Alena, 24 years old, Moscow. Andrey, I want to ask you for help. Almost a year ago, my boyfriend, Anton, dumped me. Like I'm a bitch, very scandalous and rinse his brain so that he decided to look for someone with a calmer character. On the advice of my advanced friends on the Internet, I went to your site zberovski.ru, read it, found something interesting for myself. But I didn't find the main thing for myself now: how to stop hating men ?! You know, personally, I do not think at all that I am some kind of bitch. Yes, I am touchy, I can demand something, make claims. But it seems to me that any person does this. Moreover, I am convinced that it was these damn men who made me that way! I was friends for the fifth time, I always tried to be white and fluffy, but still nothing happens. Well, we meet, well, there is sex, well, we go on vacation. But there is still no holiday for the soul, everything is like everyone else's, and no offers to marry have been received. I can’t do this, I can’t at all! How to pretend to be good all the time if it is not appreciated anyway, or is appreciated somehow not so, in your own way, in a peasant's way, in a foolish way? How to endure that they just meet with you, just live, but want Happiness ?! It seems to me that when Anton left me, I was still good, but now I am already a wicked witch. I walk around the apartment and rage, throw myself on the walls. In clubs, when men show interest in me, I am hysterical, I shout that they just have to have sex, I send them away, in general, I hate men. In the morning it’s a shame, my friends don’t call me. How to live on, if the older, the less I understand men, the more I hate them? Help me understand myself, tell me what to do?

→ Zakhar, Petrozavodsk (age unknown). Hello mister writer! For the sake of curiosity, I once leafed through your book "Male sexual fears, tricks and tricks." It was very funny to find out how many men we have in our heads of various complexes and prejudices. Honestly, I didn't even believe it. However, everything changed dramatically after my girlfriend, Masha, left me. I gave up in general, naturally, because I spent more time not with her, but with my friends, and she, as befits a girl, wanted someone to be with her. And at that time I went fishing with the boys, drove football on weekends, went to the bathhouse. Without her, of course. Once another person appeared in Masha's life, but I did not see it in time. Honestly, when she said it was time to part as friends, I thought she was bluffing. Fears without me for a couple of weeks and will return. But no one came back and then a month later I felt very bad. He began to fight for her, but frankly lost. I always considered myself proud and strong, I decided to stay that way all my life. He began to despise all the girls, wherever possible, laughed at them in the face, reproached them that they would only get married and have children, that it was not very important from whom, as long as this fool had at least some money and made an offer. He treated them like a class enemy. Really scoffed, even there were unpleasant and conflict situations. And then I accidentally met my Masha when she was walking down the street with her new boyfriend in the evening. Such, just doves: holding hands, pressing shoulders … I stopped my car, looked at them, looked. And then I remembered how much she asked for this from me, but to me it all seemed utter stupidity and I was somewhere far away. I realized that all this time I was simply robbing a worthy girl with my attention. At first, tears came out, and then somehow abruptly let go and the brains were in order. He stopped chasing her too. Now I have gone headlong into work, I sell my spare parts, I really want to first save up for an apartment, and only then create such a new relationship, in which I will be with the one I choose all the time. Or who will choose me. And I am writing to you so that in some of their books they will definitely write for us, men, so that we do not despise girls because they want to have a family and children, because they want to give happiness to themselves and their loved ones. The girl is not bitches after all, in any case - a lot of them. I wish you success in your business.

Analysis of the mistakes and confidence that

that in the future it will be the same as in the past -

not at all the same

The first helps, the second hinders

Do you agree? If you are reasonable people, I am sure you will agree. … But why, even after losing a relationship, you should not indiscriminately scold the entire opposite sex, and start hating men or women, let's talk in our practical recommendations right now.

◊Practical recommendations - why you shouldn't start talking and thinking that I hate men (women)

♥ First. Don't put yourself in a stupid position in front of others

Read the title of the paragraph again. This is actually so! After all, if you, after an unsuccessful experience of personal relationships, are not going to apply to a convent or a monastery, and do not do hara-kiri for yourself, then you will still be friends with someone.

Think that by criticizing "these damned …", you present yourself in a stupid way in front of your friends, acquaintances and relatives. After all, if at first you publicly complained for a long time that “all men are goats”, or “all women are corrupt fools” or “I hate men”, and then started dating someone, this will lead to joke: “Well, what, broke (s)? You just yesterday cursed everyone on what the world stands, and here you are already walking arm in arm … Such inconstancy may not lead to good. Don't make a mistake again! " And they will still chuckle after you.

At the same time, your excuses that “this person is completely different … he (a) is not the same as everyone else” will not convince anyone of anything. After all, everyone around knows: "all men and all women are the same." In addition, people may get the impression that you are acting like you don’t know what you want. But this, again, does not paint you!

♥ Second. Don't program yourself to repeat past negative outcomes. Don't steal your family future

You need to understand that by cursing the entire opposite sex, "who only wants to use your body and money, and then quit," thereby, "taking your soul away", you, in fact, psychologically program yourself again for the unsuccessful outcome of your new love relationships. Your negative attitude towards someone who did not live up to your expectations, during your angry complaints (regardless of whether you want it or not), will naturally take shape into a certain concept, turn into a whole "psychological time bomb", "mental mine -stretching ", which will explode in your mind at the most inopportune moment. As a rule, just when you have already begun to build a new love relationship with another person.

What I'm talking about? That in the future, when your new loved one will make even the most insignificant mistakes, this "angry scum", the residue from past relationships, will scream at you with all its might from the depths of your own brain: "Aha! Look - he (a) is no different from others, from those with whom you have already encountered! Drive him (her) away until you again become attached to him (her)! " That is, the psychological stereotype formed after your criticism of the opposite sex, namely, your inner readiness for the worst result, will actively prepare this very “bad result” in the future.

Psychological readiness to fail in love

hinders rather than helps in a new relationship

Outwardly, this will be expressed in the fact that you will always try to "shoot ahead", try to predict a possible offense, betrayal, dishonesty on the part of another person. You will see "sprouts of future betrayal and betrayal" in any delay of a person from work, refusal to have dinner together (already had dinner with someone!), Unwillingness to have sex today (already somewhere in time!). These, most often far-fetched topics for insults and quarrels, will first lead to minor, and then to ever larger conflicts in reality. And, in the end, and to the complete collapse of this relationship. That, in the end, again, will only strengthen you that "in fact, all men are goats", or - "women are corrupt fools", all now I certainly "I hate men" or "I hate women." And so on and so forth. And all of you will continue to step on the same psychological mop until:

• - do not turn into a "lonely psycho" at all, you will earn yourself a serious nervous, mental and even physical disorder;
• - you will not meet that more experienced person in everyday life who diagnoses and understands your inner mood in time and will be able to neatly neutralize the “psychological mine-stretching” by his behavior;
• - do not go to a good psychologist who can explain to you what is really happening to you and how to avoid it;
• - you will not be able to "pick up yourself" (which is extremely difficult, since it will seem to you all the time that the matter is not in yourself, but in everyone around you!).

And, since, as a practical family psychologist, I am a friend of all lovers and those who have lost love, I strongly advise you to immediately insure yourself against this very serious mistake, which daily breaks the relationship of many men and women who sincerely strive for family happiness, but, at the same time, are afraid to fly up too close to him. Do not scold the opposite sex! Not all at once, nor its individual representatives. Do not turn into a suicide bomber who carries his own deadly burden. Do not deprive yourself of the prospects of establishing normal relations with a future friend or girlfriend …

And to make you a little more cheerful, I will say this: Do not be like the hero of the following anecdote: “A Russian drunk with a foreigner in the Gorbachev years of“Prohibition”, when it was impossible to find alcohol in the afternoon with fire. In the morning the Russian is shaking with a hangover, and he cannot get up. The foreigner does not speak Russian, and the "opokhmelator" must be bought at any cost. Then the Russian writes in foreign letters the Russian words necessary for buying alcohol. A foreigner enters a grocery store and reads to the seller from a piece of paper:

"Good shadow … Excuse me, do you have a beer?"

"No!" The foreigner buries his nose at the piece of paper and reads on:

“Your mother is so! I knew it!!!.

So that's it. The moral of that fable is very simple: ♦ You don't have to program yourself for failure in advance, you don't have to go for a new relationship, mentally preparing for the fact that you will be betrayed and abandoned again and again. Nothing good will come of it. Tested thousands of times! ♦

In general, be a little more positive. Forgive the one who could not adequately walk through life next to you. And do not cut a branch under you, on which you, trying to start a family, will still have to sit …

♥ Third. Don't limit your personal choices

I really want you to understand the following:

Despising all the opposite sex, you know

you attract far from the best representatives

And this is in fact - so! After all, someone who knows his own worth will communicate with an ulcer, a grumpy, a hysterical woman, and even more so who says that I hate all men? Of course no. Therefore, really worthy representatives of the opposite sex will try to bypass you, like an obstacle, like a wave bends around in its movement. And the waves of life will throw out on you only social foam, garbage, human garbage. From communicating with whom, your overall mood will become even more negative, and the prospects for finding personal happiness will become more and more uncertain. Although, from my point of view, on the contrary, they are very definite. And not at all rosy. On the contrary, a positive, welcoming and benevolent attitude will immediately create an aura of a bright, kind person for you. And as you know, they are drawn to such people. Moreover, kind and bright people are also drawn. And it is in this strategy of behavior - luck and success!

Remark

My long experience of work has long led me to the following conclusion:

Life laughs at pessimists and helps optimists

I am sure that you will choose the right strategy for your behavior.