Order "Not To Be"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Order "Not to be"

There are people who seem to live half-heartedly or in the feeling that they are not living their own lives. It is difficult for them to show themselves to the present, to show their talents and characteristics. They may be scared to say - I am.

According to their descriptions, they have a wonderful childhood. All is well: fed, watered, clothed, raised on schedule. But in the stories there are a lot of "Not" parts: "I was not beaten, not punished, I was not fed tasty (fed healthy and satisfying), did not ask what I wanted, did not do what the child asked, did not put me in a corner."

There may be a hidden message from the parents in these stories. "Such as you exist, you are not needed." You need another perfect, ideal, maybe you need a boy … The child can be compared with someone else, it is clear that the comparison will not be in the direction of his child. Then a person can develop such a pattern of behavior in order to constantly compare himself with others. Am I good enough? Petrova's nose is shorter, the car is bigger, the husband is richer. " This pattern in some way helps to achieve success and in some ways just torture yourself. In a world where seven billion live, there will always be someone who has achieved more, and then a person has an endless topic of how to reproach himself with the example of his “imperfection” and be powerless to achieve “perfection”.

And also parents can simply not notice, feed and clothe, enroll in school. And then not be interested in the child, ignore his stories, emotions. Such people can say, “Everything is like everyone else's, I studied and studied.” Sometimes a child struggles, tries to reach out to his parents: to study well, to bring diplomas or, on the contrary, to behave so badly that at least they would pay attention. And it happens that the child gives up, takes on the message "I am not needed." This feeling of uselessness is not always formalized in words. A person lives "like everyone else", or automatically, not knowing himself, his personality, his desires and emotion. Just feeling that everything in the world is bad. Depends on how deeply the person is hurt by this feeling of "uselessness."

For such a person to prove himself is like stumbling upon his uselessness, he seems to be sure in advance that he is not interesting to others. He carries within himself the "knowledge" that his features will give nothing and there is nothing to even try.

This is how life can pass. Parents have grown old, they are far away. But a person can carry the pattern of his "uselessness" and emotional closeness further. Can blame the parents and stay in the same state.

Or he can begin to change himself, find hurtful patterns of behavior in himself, revise them and gradually wean. This is how they break the habit of habits that are harmful to health. The child depends on the opinion of the parents, and learns to find himself, looking at the attitude of the parents towards him. An adult does not depend on others and is already able to accept himself and change himself. An adult can learn to find himself, to stop the pattern of "unnecessary".

Psychotherapy helps to speed up the process of knowing yourself, to open and accept your feelings and your character traits, to love yourself as you are. And then a person can discover hidden abilities and talents. Or, to begin with, the feeling of “not your own life” will go away, the ease of life will appear.

I invite to therapy those who want to walk the path of finding themselves with me. The path to self-acceptance. After all, we are all alive and unique. And there are simply no perfect ones.

Photo by Mari Feni