2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
You have been offered a job, and you are in doubt, you think for a day or two. And then a thought comes to your mind - perhaps doubts mean that the work is not for me? Or is it good to doubt?
Doubt is a condition that occurs in two cases:
- we are not confident in our actions, judgments, thoughts and actions;
- when we need to decide, make a choice, say “yes” or “no” (this is a decision, and then some indecision comes).
When does such a doubting character develop? Three options can be distinguished:
- A person in childhood or adolescence was given little freedom of choice, was not allowed to make decisions on his own (for example, until the age of 20 a person was limited or constantly made decisions for him), as a result he will be indecisive.
- The person made the wrong decision and suffered greatly from his choice, painfully goes through that experience, he has formed a trauma, and now he is afraid to make the wrong decision.
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The person was often deceived. For example, he was offered a good job, he worked for a month, but did not receive the expected salary, respectively, the next time in all decisions related to work, he will more doubt.
In what situations is it bad to doubt?
In general, three situations can be distinguished. First, a person needs to make some insignificant choice (for example, buy a dress, a notebook, decide on a vacation spot), but because of his doubts he cannot decide for a month, two, or a year. Here you can draw a parallel with the story of a donkey, who was left with two heaps of hay, and he died hungry, because he could not decide. In this case, just choose something, understand that there is no correct option. The right choice will be the one you deem correct.
The next situation is that a person doubts every relationship, a partner and his actions, sincerity, love and interest. Quite often, these people are "thrown out" of the relationship with a feeling of rejection by their partner. All of this is directly related to attachment trauma and early childhood relationships with parents. The problem is deep, and here we need to work on building trust in a person in close relationships.
The last situation is doubts about the whole society. It is, rather, a paranoid state - everyone is against, they want to set me up, offend, humiliate, offend, and so on. The root of the problem is a deeper trauma than attachment trauma, possibly related to Balint's basic defect that communication with people is difficult to establish, because they are all hostile.
When is it good to doubt? In those cases when it comes to important life experiences, transitions and decisions. For example, the choice of profession and place of study, employment issues, which company to choose, etc. Each such step predetermines your life for the next 2-3-5-10 years. In many professions, the choice of a company is a fundamental criterion in the further development of a person and his career. Accordingly, here you need to carefully analyze the possible options, weigh the pros and cons. And even if someone from the outside claims that the chosen profession does not suit you, this is not what you need in life, you will not be able to work with pleasure in your specialty, remember - you always choose! An important point - realize that after some time you can still understand the erroneousness of your choice, but in this case you need to immediately praise yourself (you followed your desires, fulfilled them and got a result, and a negative result is also a result!) … Relatively speaking, we had a hypothesis, we tested it and got our own experience.
To make the right decision, you need to make any decision and call it right, but be sure to take responsibility for the mistakes you may make. Understand - this is your choice, your responsibility and your consequences. Try to calculate possible steps, write a flowchart or list your actions with different options, evaluate the results (where this will lead in a year, five or ten years). In fact, it is a great decision-making mechanism. If I do this, what will it lead to? That's how? What if I don’t make any decision at all? Try to answer these questions and see which of these options you would like to be in. It is important not only to soberly assess your possible situation, but also to ask your feelings how close it is to you - close your eyes and listen to your consciousness, soul and heart (where is it more pleasant and warmer for you?).
So, is it good or bad to doubt? Doubting is normal, the main thing is not to do it for too long. It’s bad when you don’t feel any doubts at all, this may indicate excessive self-confidence (you don’t have a realistic view of yourself and the world, you haven’t made mistakes in your life, you haven’t come across situations where you can make a wrong decision). Doubt is evidence of experience, a set of tools, resources that will help you look at a situation from different angles. If you are not in doubt, think about why this is happening? Why is it so easy for you to find a solution? As a rule, everything that comes easily to us does not develop us. It is easy to go into alcoholism and merge your stress with alcohol, it is easy to go into drug addiction, gambling addiction (levels in the game are much easier to pass than in life, and in general - life is boring and uninteresting, according to people suffering from gambling addiction).
People who have no doubts look very self-confident, they know all the questions and answers, they believe that only their opinion is correct. This overconfidence often violates the boundaries of others (they find it uncomfortable to be in contact with overconfident individuals). Sometimes people around get the impression that a person is on his own. Self-confident people can give unsolicited advice, interfere in someone else's life, they are unpleasant in communication.
How to deal with your doubts? First, praise yourself, then write down the pros and cons of your behavior and evaluate each (from 1 to 10 - how important this moment is for you), only then can you calculate everything. As for decisions, take what your soul and mind prompts, rely on yourself, listen to the opinions of others, but understand - you bear responsibility!
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