2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I was asked a very interesting question here:
“As part of my communication with older colleagues, I notice the following thing. There are specialists who emanate ocene and feel comfortable with them. And there are others, in communication with whom I intuitively feel something like the message "You are okay, but there are also more poignant than you." My Inner Child is rebelling at this moment and I want to refuse this communication … what is it? Perhaps it is something about power or about power games?
And one more thing: is there a certain hierarchy of ocenes in professional life? For example, are more mature and experienced professionals automatically more okay than younger and beginners?"
I will try to answer these questions, which are very relevant for anyone busy with growth and development of a person.
Wherever discomfort arises in communication, it makes sense to assume a power game, maybe subtle, implicit. Perhaps initially even devoid of a conscious bad intent, but still producing an effect to which the Inner Child reacts with rebellion and protest. (In terms of TA, it can also be the Little Professor or B1 as an internal intuitive instance, sensitively capturing what, due to defense mechanisms, has not fully penetrated into the conscious sphere and has not yet taken shape verbally).
The fact is that the Inner Child is always sensitive to depreciation from the outside - to something that encourages us to doubt our own unconditional value. The experience of individual value seems to me to be our central need from the category of social. The need behind most of our motives that drive our social behavior.
And here we are talking about the value of the unconditional, that is, not depending on any conditions and criteria, for example, on the length of stay in training or age. Because intuitively we guess that our initial individual value is the same, only age and experience can be unequal, but not individual value … but we learn to doubt our value under the influence of depreciation of the side of others.
The child's embarrassment in such a situation is also connected with the fact that in our attitude to a more advanced colleague there is always an aspect “he can / knows something that I cannot / know yet”, which in the context of the question asked can be translated as “in power games and I can, but teach me how you can without power games. If a senior colleague does not live up to this expectation, we experience a kind of mini, but still disappointment. Because intuitively we know that we want to satisfy our natural need for validation of value and a truly good specialist can do this. We want him to be able to. At least just so that we have someone to learn from.
Devaluating messages trigger and make our Inner Child “cringe”. Conversely, the “You're okay” message from a significant person is consistent with our natural need for validation of value. The effects here are the same as with any need: it is satisfied - we are good, not satisfied - discomfort and dysphoria.
And this is also about power, because power is an integral aspect of individual value: when our value is confirmed by significant people (for example, more experienced colleagues), we feel a surge of inner strength, stability, confidence, we grow. Conversely, depreciation is a means to limit our potential and our expansion in any form.
Okay is the antithesis of Stroke Economy, the opposite of the widespread notion that "there isn't enough value for everyone." What is really the false concept of perceived scarcity that has been used to govern us since childhood …
But in fact, ocene multiplies if you know how to divide it and reduces if you save on it.
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