From Long Loneliness To Successful Marriage

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I was already 35 years old, but I still could not meet my man. I was very worried and felt lonely, unhappy, somehow not like that, no one needed. It seemed to me that life was passing me by. I looked at other people and thought that everyone has a relationship and they are happy. And every night I went to bed alone and asked myself the question - will I never meet my man and will fall asleep and wake up all my life alone? All my friends have been in a relationship for a long time, and I was in an endless search for that very man. But no matter how hard I tried to find him, I couldn’t succeed. All the time I came across the wrong men.

I didn’t understand why I’m so cool, good, smart, beautiful, kind, sincere, but I don’t have a normal relationship. Why am I failing? Maybe the problem is in men? I remember that at that time I associated myself with Carrie Bradshaw from the TV series "Sex and the City", who is in an endless search for the man of her dreams.

Like Carrie, I had many relationships, but they all ended the same way. The men did not live up to my expectations, I was disappointed and realized that I could not trust them. My friends advised me to lower the bar, get down to earth and be simpler. But I was attracted by mature, accomplished men who turned out to be married. There were also young guys who usually wanted sex and frivolous relationships. And those who wanted to marry me did not like me and I rejected them or kept them in the friend zone.

Most of all, I was tormented by my relationship with a man on the Internet. He lived in another country. Then it seemed to me that this is the love of my life, my dear soul, no one understands me as he does. And if I am not with him, then that’s all - there will be no other such beautiful person in my life. But this relationship turned my whole soul inside out, I suffered terribly from the desire to be with him and the impossibility of this.

As a result, after three years of soul-to-soul communication, he said that nothing will work out for us, because he is married. I was simply killed by this and decided that I had had enough. I am tired of this persistent pain and complete dependence on him. I changed my phone number, stopped communicating with everyone and stopped looking for someone.

After all the unsuccessful stories, thoughts began to haunt me that most likely I would never meet my man, because I am already 35, the clock is ticking and who needs me, all good men are already married. Probably there is no man in this world who suits me. And anyway, my train left and, probably, I will have to live with my mother and the cat until old age. Perhaps this is my unfortunate fate.

I began to walk a lot alone and reflect on my life and relationships, and one day it dawned on me! A thought came to me - Maybe it’s something wrong with me, and not with men? I started studying articles and videos on relationship psychology, addictions, esotericism. I analyzed a lot of my relationships with men and at some point, I realized that all the men I attracted were my mirror image! They fully reflected my true attitude towards them. I realized that in fact I did not trust them, I considered them traitors, enemies, just like my father, who left the family for a young mistress and abandoned my mother and me.

When I realized this, I had the hope to change my whole life. After all, I really wanted to meet my man, so that we love, respect, trust and take care of each other. I wanted such a relationship so that in them I could be myself, such as I am, and I did not have to pretend for fear of losing a man, I don’t have to do anything to deserve his love or keep him close. I wanted us to be sincere, to be able to communicate heart to heart, to understand and support each other, to be accepted as we are.

I wanted us to develop, travel the world together, learn something new, live in material prosperity, be free, work for ourselves, and not for an uncle. I dreamed that my man would stand firmly on his feet and I could rely on him. And at the same time, I also work and develop, and my man believes in me and helps in everything. I had an image in my head that we travel the world, live in the most beautiful places on the planet, swim in warm seas, eat exotic fruits and seafood, and combine all this with working for ourselves on the Internet. This was my biggest dream.

I really wanted to live such a life, and I already understood that the reason is within me, and the external reality is only a reflection of what is inside. But this realization was not enough, because I did not know how it could be changed in practice, because I wanted to improve my life as quickly as possible.

I began to do various practices, meditations, and read even more articles on the psychology of relationships. I adjusted myself - faster, faster, the clock is ticking, I will not have time for anything. But nothing has changed in my life. At some point, I just exhausted myself, fizzled out and gave up. I decided that psychology and work on myself did not help me either. Probably everything was in vain and nothing will come of it.

And then came the next new 2014, I poured myself a glass of champagne and cried bitterly, because I was alone again, but I already realized a lot and did in order to meet my man. I drank champagne and its sweet taste mixed with my salty tears and I remembered all my men and my dad. It was as if I was saying goodbye to them and to my hope for happiness. I remembered everyone who was in my life and what good moments I had with him. It turned out that there were a lot of such wonderful moments, but I didn't seem to notice them. Such warmth and gratitude to all my men and dad poured from my heart that I could not stop the tears of joy, as if I saw something beautiful that I had not seen before. I said goodbye to them, thanked them for all the good things, and with a light heart I went to bed with the thought that what will happen, what has already been - it was wonderful.

9 days after that, in one of the social networks my future husband wrote to me and it was already a completely different man, not like those that I had met before. We have been together for many years, travel the world and work for ourselves, develop and live the way I once dreamed.

I went this way and from my own experience I was convinced of the following.

What happens in our real life is a reflection of what we have inside.

By healing our inner reality, we can change the outer reality.

To meet the man you dream of, you need to heal

internal image of yourself and a man, get out of the usual matrix of relationships and change your emotional state.

And then in reality, as in a mirror, the man most suitable for you will be reflected.

And it doesn't matter how old you are!Psychologist Irina Stetsenko