A STRONG Marriage Is Built On Loneliness

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Healthy feelings between spouses also imply that each family member has his own time and place for himself. It's okay if you want to be alone with yourself, disperse to different corners of the room, or even close yourself in the kitchen or in the bedroom.

A man and a woman get married or just start living under the same roof. Finally, you can do everything together - wake up, get ready for work, cook dinners, walk your dog, read, be active, or idly wallow in bed on a day off. But in reality it turns out that this cannot go on for long. From time to time you want to drink tea alone, do household chores or just watch the rain without the presence of your beloved half nearby.

Some are frightened by this new alignment:

- has love really passed

- does everyday life begin to kill feelings

- is marriage a mistake?

Yours is always closer

In fact, love is not a complete dissolution in the personality of another person with the loss of one's own individuality. And it is just healthy feelings between spouses that imply that each family member has his own time and place for himself. It's okay if you want to be alone with yourself, disperse to different corners of the room, or even shut yourself in the kitchen or bedroom and read or play your favorite computer game.

And with friends, too, sometimes you want to be without spousal support, and go to the park, and go to the sea. Such desires indicate that you have a full-fledged person in front of you, and not an attachment to a spouse.

Why is that? Nature.

Any animal has its own personal space, which is inaccessible to others. Any encroachment on this space is punishable. It is marked and others do not risk violating the prohibition. A person in this regard is also much like our smaller brothers. The intimate area (up to 15 cm) should remain as untouchable as possible. Its violation causes irritation and aggression in a person.

But besides this individual field, there is also a personal psychic and physical space. The feeling of comfort largely depends on how secure both zones are from unauthorized intrusion. So from time to time the desire to be alone with oneself, to do business alone - this is absolutely natural.

And this is mine too.

There are also a number of places or habits that a person regards as part of their personal space. Someone likes to sit in the right corner of the sofa or on the left armchair, put a cup on the corner of the bedside table or put a notebook on the windowsill.

Such spatial "marks" are a subconscious striving for stability, and hence security, internal balance.

Psychologists have long noted that modern man is more subject to these "marks".

Previously, people lived in a more stable environment, not crowded with information and people.

Nowadays, daily trips in crowded transport, information flows and changeable lifestyle make a person "cling" to habits and places so that the feeling of stability and calmness does not disturb the mental balance.

Violation of this balance is an alarm signal for the psyche.

How does a person react to anxiety? In most cases, aggressively, he defends himself. And no feelings, traditions or arguments of logic work here. This is the prerogative of instinct, which, no matter how you fight it, is stronger. So do not be surprised that a loved one or a loved one almost fiercely defends their pouf or a place at the kitchen table.

This is just a desire to preserve personal space. Do not fight it or "accidentally" use your favorite plate or pen. Otherwise, he will not understand this as a challenge and will fight for his borders. Accept that not everything you have in common, even though you are the most dear people in the world. You are a soul mate, and this implies that it is you who most respect and value in a person his personality and a manifestation of independence, which give you both the opportunity to be happy together.

Beat our

It's another matter if they encroach on your place, try to wean you from leaving the comb on the bookshelf, or rearrange things in the locker. You need to talk to the person, explaining the meaning of all this for you.

Calmly share that a good mood largely depends on how much your habitual behavior is not criticized. If the person is presenting their arguments, try to find a compromise solution. Since the spouse wants so much that everything in the house lay in its place, then on the bookshelf you can put a small decorative support for the comb. It will decorate the shelf at the same time, and everything will be in order and in its usual place. The hairbrush example is one of many options for how spouses meet each other halfway in their decisions to preserve their personal space.

Distress call

Each spouse has certain habits that are also integral to that person's comfort and well-being. Of course, in marriage, you have to slightly adjust many personal preferences, look for a compromise solution. But completely abandoning oneself or demanding that someone sacrifice himself for the sake of the comfort of another is not good. There are cases when “personal space” means malicious infringement of the rights and freedoms of another person.

A husband throwing a scandal about a crooked towel in the bathroom (remember, the movie In Bed in the Enemy with Julia Roberts) or a wife throwing a tantrum because the husband hung his hat on a hook instead of hiding it in the closet.

This behavior suggests that next to you or the person is not quite adequate or in your relationship there is a crisis, which results in such "arrangement of things." In such cases, it is necessary to work with a specialist or make more radical decisions - to leave, to part.

Finally, we note that if the spouses have enough personal space and time for themselves, then the atmosphere in the family is calmer and more joyful. After each "dive into loneliness" companions feel refreshed. Their relationship takes on freshness, because they managed to get bored while taking a bath or riding a bike. Everyone respects the time and desires of the other, because they also accept him and do not encroach on freedom.