2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
⭐ In the most common model of upbringing, we are taught from childhood that our value is determined by other people, depending on our own behavior and compliance with other people's expectations. A convenient model is to make a child an object from the very cradle, isn't it? As soon as a person becomes an evaluated object, it is easy to manipulate him, make him chase an illusory value, performing other people's tasks.
⭐ Growing up, we try to collect this value bit by bit. Assessed as a professional, as a man, as a woman, as a friend, etc., whether we fit the general template, the individual view of the critic or did not fit - after the points gained or lost, our long-suffering self-esteem jumps. Even if there are rebels who demonstrate aggressiveness or do not care, they are trapped in an antiscenario fighting other people's orders, not thinking about what they really want or taking the rebellious antics for their desires.
⭐ The fact that a person is valuable enough already by birthright is often the first time we learn in a psychologist's office or from books that not everyone reads. And the fact that you do not need to look for, deserve or knock out the confirmation of your worth from others - too. We learn to recognize, but what to do with what's inside? The familiar world is crumbling like a house of cards. We realize with horror that our achievements, our social connections, our preferences - everything is subject to a frantic race for points. Get a prestigious job and hate it, be close to people who are distant in spirit, but whose radiance determines or emphasizes our status, to be paired with someone with whom it is not a shame to go out to people or for the same status “not alone”, “not lonely , to feel in demand, to match the patterns.
⭐ Another ambush is that we get used to getting pleasure from life from points, our neurotransmitter system has long and firmly been set to encourage us to release pleasure hormones for achievements on the way not to ourselves, but from ourselves. And, after another high, a bitter hangover comes.
⭐ A sense of self-importance is a concept used by Carlos Castaneda in his books, described as a feeling of superiority over someone, the importance of oneself and one's actions. And, although the books of this author do not belong to psychological literature, I saw some parallels and decided to use a ready-made term. Chasing social scores reminded me of opting for self-importance over something that could be really important and nourishing. I regard the sense of self-worth and the feeling of self-importance as antagonists, where the value of oneself, one's life and one's goals are unconditional, and the other makes us dependent and controlled.
❓ Person or object?
⭐ When a person is valuable to you, as an object, he is considered from the point of view of meeting your needs and gaining all the same points. If what is happening in his inner world is of interest, then only from the perspective of your reflection in it.
⭐ When for you there is a value of a person as a person, then during interaction it is not indifferent to what is happening inside him and how this happening is consistent with his needs. And so that there is no confusion, I will immediately mention that servility and sacrificial selflessness are very object-oriented, because have as their goal the satisfaction of the need to be chosen, to feel like a good or exalted sufferer.
⭐ The ability of a person to see another only as a person raises doubts, especially in relations between a man and a woman, where communication is colored by instincts and patterns of sex-role interactions. However, if we encounter an object relationship to each other that is not balanced by interpersonal interaction, then it differs from that observed in the animal kingdom only in its surroundings.
⭐ You can see your own value and the value of another only at moments when the feeling of your own importance does not have power over you and, if the total achievement of such an ability is questionable for many, then it makes sense at least to create and maintain a vector leading to the depths of the human spirit.
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