2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The not-yours in You settles mainly in childhood and adolescence. In the first case - from the parents, in the second - from all others. And it happens like this …
In childhood an understanding comes to you: if you do not obey your parents, they can reject, leave you. You are afraid of this, so you begin to behave as you are told. But at the same time, you understand that you are not doing this voluntarily, but under duress. Time runs. Parents put pressure on you: they say that you should do this and that. And soon you get the impression that this is your choice. Your opinion.
In addition, as a child, you tend not to "chew" opinions, but "drink" them, like mother's milk. Then the skill develops …
In adolescence you start to "chew" opinions. It helps you theirbe them, make them for real theirmi. But you chew some pieces of information not thoughtfully enough and immediately swallow them. Then, metaphorically or even physically, there is a feeling of nausea. Like many, it is easier for you to suppress this feeling, and you send it straight to the attic of the unconscious. Nausea goes away, while an undigested, foreign piece remains in You …
This is how non-yours dwell in You. But it is not bad because it is alien to you, not because it did not fit into your puzzle. It's toxic.
Caution, toxic
Not-yours in You tramples on your self-esteem. It belittles the value of what you have and inflates the value of what you don't have. Sometimes even so much that you do not notice your own in yourself and see only someone else's. You say to yourself “I’m a failure: I’m over 30, and I still don’t have a husband, job, money …” and name 622 more quasi-values, why are you a failure. So, it's no surprise if your self-confidence and self-love hovers below the baseboard.
Not-yours in You deviates you from your route and the place where you really need to be. So, it is not surprising if you often lead yourself to dead ends.
Not-yours in You now says “go there”, then teaches “come here”, and after a while: “Why are you going back and forth ?! Dig down! And it wanted to sneeze at a voice from the depths of your unconscious: “Down? But I am a bird and I would like to at least fly a little higher …”.
Today, in this modern world, not-yours in You is more toxic than ever. Therefore, keep your lips closed when you are presented with a hamburger with a filling that is alien to you. And rip out those that you swallowed. Sometimes it is enough to understand WHAT is not yours in You …
How to understand
Search path number 1
Not-yours in You often hides under the word "must". Below you will see examples of statements with such a word. They will help you understand which of your values are alien to you.
After reading the beginning of a sentence, don't think, just listen to the thoughts and finish the sentence. Try to catch the feeling that you have for the statement, and only after that move on to the next one.
So, finish the sentences:
A good mother should …
A good wife should …
A woman of my status should …
When I am angry, I must …
Feeling attracted, I must …
Which of these is foreign to you? Your reaction answers this question. Listen to her. For example, there may be a feeling of tension in the solar plexus area …
Search path number 2
Not-yours in You often hides under the word "must". It is usually not difficult to understand what is yours and what is not in this case. Simply replace the word "should" with the words "choose" or "want" and track the reaction. For example, if you have such a duty “I have to give my best not only at work, but also at home,” make the following substitution: “I choose to give my best not only at work, but also at home” - then ask yourself: “This is really So?".
Search path number 3
Not-yours in You is partly hidden under the seal of your parents … To understand what exactly, do so …
1. Close your eyes.
2. Imagine that your mother is standing in front of you.
3. Note how she looks and behaves.
4. Tell her how you feel, and tell her what you are currently remembering. Happened? Further…
5. Imagine that mom is you. Sit like her; have a facial expression like hers. In her role, note how you feel. Look at yourself and express these feelings, express the thoughts that come to you.
6. Reverse roles and develop dialogue. Become yourself, then your mother and speak for yourself, for your mother.
7. Mark what you agree with your mom, and what you don’t; what in her behavior is peculiar to you and what is not.
8. Note that in her beliefs and behavior you are unpleasant, but you can easily copy it.
9. As much as possible, display these beliefs and behavior in your own style.
10. Repeat point 9, but in reality. Try for a girlfriend.
Answer yourself, just honestly: how often have you used these beliefs and behaviors, but at the same time did not realize it?..
Have come or …
Do you understand WHAT is not yours in You? I hope so, and now you have a choice: either leave everything as it is, or free yourself from it and take your life into your own hands … In any case, the second part of your path to yourself is behind, and now you know Yourself better!
Author: Julia Osadchaya
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