Feel Success At Your Fingertips

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Part 1

From the author:

Today we are all concerned about success. In this article, I tried to outline the touches to understanding the meaning of what success is, how each of us defines the concept of success in life and how it can be achieved.

Undoubtedly, many in our time dream of success. Unfortunately, recipes for success don't always work. Moscow State University, Harvard, Oxford graduate hundreds of highly qualified specialists every year, but only a few of them achieve real success.

Since childhood, we only hear about success and successful people. Today, as a rule, success is about financial well-being. And conversations in the family, mostly about money. It costs so much, education, medicine, in the end, branded clothes. What if we want a quality service? You also need to pay for it, and, moreover, a considerable amount …

In the summer, they send me to the village to see my grandmother, and Kolka from a neighboring house went to the Canary Islands. Little by little I begin to envy Kolka, hate him. And the worst thing for me is that I start to be ashamed of my parents. And parents work from morning till night so that my brother and I, at least at least at a minimum, do not need food or clothes. They, the parents, also dream that, as a smart guy and an excellent student, I will be able to enter a good institute and get a good education, which means that I will earn good money. It turns out that my parents, through me, want to make their dreams come true, which they didn’t come true. But these are their desires, not mine. I want to make music or become an actor. But, according to my parents and all my friends, these professions do not bring big dividends.

It seems to me that before you build a strategy for your life and correctly set goals, it is first important to find out your real, and not false, imaginary desires. How many cases have we had, and "over the hill", when people with millions in their bank accounts ended their lives because of drugs, alcohol, realizing that money does not always bring true joy and happiness. Look at the major, the "golden" youth. Remember in Shevchuk: "They have nothing more to wish for," I will add - and there is no need to live anymore, the fate of many of them is deplorable. Scions of the Kennedy clan, the son of the Prime Minister, the great Margaret Thatcher …

There is such a parable:

Four people walked long and hard towards their goal, they passionately wanted to achieve success. They walked for a long time, for many years, and during this time, having gone through many difficulties, of course, they changed a lot. In the end, they were exhausted, and at that moment an insurmountable obstacle arose in their path. One of the friends, the weakest one, said that he was no longer able to, turned and left. Another began to look for how to get around this obstacle. The third decided to go ahead and break the barrier. And only the fourth climbed a tall tree and, looking from the height at his goal, he suddenly realized that the goal he was striving for, in fact, did not interest him anymore. Then he realized that before setting a big goal and striving to achieve it, you must first understand yourself and then the goal can change.

Believing in ourselves, in our own strengths, realizing our inner desires, we will set real goals and achieve true success.

Part 2. Contour

From the author:

There is such a phrase: "If you do not know where to start, start from the beginning." However, starting from the beginning makes sense not only when you don't know where to start, but also when you want to understand. Yourself first. And also, for example, what leads to success. After all, only by understanding our essence, we can become successful.

Let's first consider the meanings of the word "success": it is success in business, achievement of a goal, victory in a military operation. The word success itself has ancient Russian roots and came from the verb "to sing" (to have time), for example - "to move hastily", "to contribute", "to develop", and much later acquired the meaning that we use today.

Incidentally, the concept of "success" is different in Western and our culture. If in the West, Success is, first of all, material well-being, wealth, career, then in our cultural code Success means achievements in scientific knowledge, respect for people, military victories. If people with a Western mentality treat people who are unsuccessful with misunderstanding and, at times, contempt, considering them losers, then in our country, they have always been treated with sympathy. That is, it turns out that if a person has material and financial values, then he seems to exist, and whoever does not have them, he does not represent anything, does not exist. This trend is being imposed on our consumer culture today.

And this question of possession is very important. Changes in culture are reflected in language. We started to say "I have a problem", although you can just say "I'm worried." Or you can say "I cannot sleep", and we say "I have insomnia." Already at the level of speech, there is a high degree of alienation in our life. When I say "I am worried" - my Self is in the foreground, that is, "I can solve the problem." And when I say “I have a problem,” then it is the problem that comes to the fore, and my Self is relegated to the background. It turns out that the problem owns me, I turned myself into a "problem".

In the case of insomnia, it is not a bodily sensation, such as a toothache. Insomnia is a state of mind, soul. If I say "I have insomnia," then I thus reveal my desire to get rid of the feeling of anxiety, fear, tension, anxiety that prevent me from falling asleep, and to fight a mental phenomenon as if it were a symptom of a physical states. And if I say: “I cannot sleep” or “I do not sleep well,” then I understand that insomnia is a symptom of some fears, anxieties and it is necessary to resolve them, and not get carried away with sleeping pills.

In achieving success, people with the “have” approach relate to the world, nature, as the owner to property, property. And people with an approach “to be” try to live in order to be a part of the world, of nature.

Let me give you an example. A beautiful flower grows on the lawn. A person with the “to have” approach will come up and pick a flower to enjoy its beauty, while a person with the “to be” approach will not kill a flower, pulling it out, he will contemplate the beauty of a flower right in nature, that is, it will “continue to exist” (and even, maybe, will be happy), not possessing.

A truly happy woman will not say, "I have a happy marriage," she will say, "I am happily married." We cannot say “I have great love for you”, it sounds too clumsy and meaningless (compare with “I have feelings”). After all, Love is not a thing that can be possessed, but a Process, an internal activity, the subject of which is the person himself. I can love, I can be in love, but in loving I have nothing. In fact, the less I have, the more I am able to love.

People who strive for success can be divided into two categories: perfectionists and optimalists. The perfectionist denies failure, can step over friends, family for the sake of success. And he acts according to the rule: "If you have achieved your goal, you are a hero, if not, you are a loser." But when he really succeeds, he immediately depreciates and becomes disappointed, and begins the same race for the next goal. An optimist, on the other hand, can always admit failure, he does not avoid negative emotions, perceives success as a process, and feels pleasure from the process of achieving it. And when he achieves it, he rejoices and enjoys success, perceiving it as a well-deserved reward for his work.

Look for yourself first of all, find yourself a competent specialist, set goals, build processes, enjoy the process, and success…. success will come by itself!

In the first part of this article, I wrote that before setting goals, it is important to understand yourself and find out your true desires. Now I have tried to outline the contours of what leads to success. In the next part, I want to write about how to achieve success and keep it.

Part 3. Steps

From the author:

Final thoughts on how to change yourself and achieve success. I would be glad if this article helps someone!

Let's try to formulate the steps that will lead to success:

· To begin with, concentrate on the most important thing. What do you want to achieve: build muscle mass, find a partner and start a family, earn an amount with 6 zeros, build a house, get the highest score on the exam, or maybe you want to create a successful business, do charity work, and someone just wants to buy car.

· Reputation, honesty - these qualities are necessary if you are determined for long-term success. After all, honesty breeds trust. And with trust comes recognition and financial success.

· Try to create your own rules. This does not mean violating existing ones. But we need to expand the space of the possible.

· Try not to work only for yourself and think only about your own well-being. No one will enjoy working with someone who cares primarily about their own success and well-being.

· Create your own luck - create opportunities and use them wisely.

· Help other people and they will help you.

· Continue to patiently move towards a thoughtful goal. If a child who cannot walk straight away gives up his efforts, he will never learn to walk. Go ahead and reach your goal.

· Find successful people and make friends with them, this will help you get used to constant and stable success.

· Learn, draw intelligent conclusions from failures.

· Take responsibility and don't be afraid to take it.

· Show perseverance, overcome failures - "through thorns to the stars."

· Overcome your fears, insecurities.

· Find a job you love and do it with joy. Become a hard worker, not a workaholic.

· Earn success not for money, but for love. To love your partner, children, parents, the world around you in all its manifestations …

· When it doesn’t work, continue to patiently move towards a thoughtful goal.

· Ask yourself questions: “Why didn't I succeed before? Why not try again, but in a different way? Why not start now?"

· Become a good, educated professional in your field: in order to achieve success, you need to constantly learn, gain new knowledge. They will help you change. By changing, you will begin to act, and soon you will win.

And remember, perfection is only for museums. Start your movement now. Wish and do!

Success to you!

Damian Sinaisky, psychoanalyst therapist, coach