2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In addition, if your child attends circles, then he becomes more independent and self-confident, sociable, broadens his horizons and increases intelligence.
Only now children do not always understand what interests they have and what hobby they would like to choose. And by the age of 40, a person can completely change interests or take up an unexpected hobby. Why is this happening? Because the child follows the interests and wishes of the parents. Some of them do not notice how they realize their lost dreams through children.
Imposition or Mentoring?
I am firmly convinced: you should not impose your interests in pastime on the child, because:
1. A child, as an adult, may hear his own voice too late (by the age of 35-40, when there is a rethinking of life values and interests). Otherwise, he will not hear at all and will continue to live a life that is not his own, experiencing dissatisfaction and a constant feeling of “not in his place”.
2. When the parent makes the decision for the child, the child may have difficulty developing decision-making skills. As an adult, he can be prone to hesitation and doubt. For example, it will not be easy for him to make a choice between buying this or that item, or choosing a particular place of work.
3. The child may have difficulty in situations where it is required to take responsibility. Such adults then tend to blame others or external circumstances for their failures.
4. Relationships with parents can be complicated after realizing that you are not going your own way. I remember the daughter of my friends, being six years old, dreamed of a piano and asked to send her to a music school. She was sent to school, but for the violin. Why? Because the parents "persuaded" (literally breaking the will of the child), go to study the violin, as it is more compact, more interesting, and there is nowhere to put the piano. "You will learn the violin, we will transfer you to the piano." But, later, no one translated the child on the piano, because the parents did not have time to do this. And the hated violin was put aside in a corner after two years of torture (studies). As a result, being an adult, a person is still offended by his parents and a child's unrealized dream is still glimmering in his heart. Many adults in my environment admit that as children they went to unloved circles and sections for two, five, or even nine years, being afraid to tell the parent the truth.
Sometimes children need to be sent to a professional hobby, let's say, more precisely, a future profession from 3-4 years old: ballroom dancing or professional sports.
It so happens that the parent does not want to notice the sadness of the child before going to the section on professional sports that he hates. So it was in one story. The child, hating tennis, but fearing the anger and disappointment of his father (he saw the future Olympic champion in his son), in the end the akurat began to get very sick before the competition and his participation had to be often canceled. The disease was not faked. It's just that his psyche could not withstand the oppression, and the failure went into the physical body, in the expression of illness. The so-called psychosomatics.
As sometimes happens…. And what if the child doesn't like it?
It seemed to me that my daughter is fond of choreography. I took her to a professional ballroom dance club, she even took part in tournaments. And when I saw that at the 5-6th tournament she began to get bored, because the dances were the same, that is, she was just honing her skills, I realized that ballroom dancing clearly ceased to interest her. I then asked her: "Varenka, are you sure it is interesting? If you want, then let's not come here anymore?" Then she asked again with hope in her voice: "Is it really possible not to go anymore?"
That is, with all my loyal upbringing, the child still did not have the courage to tell me the truth, she was afraid to upset me or hear: “No, we will continue, because a lot of effort and money has already been spent!” She even had a special one. a book that noted participation in tournaments and victories.”But with a more intimate conversation, it turned out that not only did she not like ballroom dancing, but also hardly liked the teacher.
Later, she expressed a desire to try herself in modern styles and is still very happy about this and dances with pleasure from morning to evening. This is the first sign that the child is doing what HE wants and not you.
Yes, often the child is very small and is unlikely to say what he would like. All the same, even such a kid can show interest, for example, in ballet. Enjoy dancing or parodying dancers' performances on TV. Nevertheless, it is worth being very attentive to the child's psyche, since at such an early age (up to about 7 years), the child and the parent are one whole, the child does not feel like a separate person, therefore the parent's desires are aligned with the child's wishes. In addition, children often want to please the parent, or even deserve more of his love, then he will meekly engage in that hobby or perform the action that the parent desires.
So the parent should show maximum sensitivity to the child's desires and interests, as well as develop his strengths (talents). It is necessary to become a friend and an unobtrusive advisor to the child, the main thing is that the child really understands that he can completely entrust you with his thoughts, fears and know that later it will not remain incomprehensible, unacceptable or scolded.
If you see that the child is bored at the circle or goes there without much pleasure and a sparkle in his eyes, then this is the first signal for talking about a change in activity.
Be him a hockey player, I said
Well, what if the parent is asleep and sees his child as a ballerina, chess player, hockey player, etc.? He just can't give up the dream of making his child a pro in a certain area.
In this case, I think my husband acted very wisely. He was once a motorcycle racer and is still a fan of the sport today. Of course, he dreams that some of his children also adore racing. It's the same with hockey. He put his daughter on a motorcycle when she was 5 years old and gradually instills a love of racing and hockey in our two-year-old son. At first I was against such an incomprehensible necessity, all the more, why would a girl need a motorcycle?
Then he answered me: "I REALLY WANT TO TEACH CHILDREN EVERYTHING I CAN DO WELL, AND THEY WILL CHOOSE AND MAKE A DECISION WHAT THEY WILL DO AND WHERE TO IMPROVE."
So if you really want your child to become a hockey player or dancer, teach him this, let him know how to play hockey or dance well, but he must make the further choice himself: whether he becomes a professional or does something else.
There is still such an opinion among parents: what if he makes a mistake with the choice of the institute and profession? In this case, the teenager is already quite capable of making his choice consciously. I am against such unfounded parental fears and the imposition of a profession.
If the child is mistaken, this is only his mistake, it's okay, because he made the choice himself. Therefore, even if in the course of his studies he realizes that he wants to become an economist and not a lawyer, he will move to another faculty or enter another institute. MYSELF. He himself made the decision to enter and he will have the courage to admit his mistake and change course.
Your program is the maximum if you choose an institution: ask your child what he likes and why, then what results it could bring him in the future. Talk with people "in the subject" to learn more about the prospects in the child's chosen profession and provide him with all the information. And then look at which institute he could get the necessary knowledge. Everything. You need to help and support, but not make a decision for him.
Children, who are allowed by their parents to make their own choices, grow up happier, more confident, ready to take and be responsible for their decisions, to change the chosen course without fear if they suddenly realized their mistake. As adults, they go to work like a holiday, with pleasure and almost always receive a large salary. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT: THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO ERROR, AND THIS IS FREEDOM.
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