2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
“You have changed” is a phrase that we might hear from friends, loved one or partner. Today we will talk specifically about the partner.
And so, we get married with a lot of expectations and fantasies about our partner and how cool your relationship will be, because you love each other.
But now, after living for a while, the collapse of illusions begins, not because your partner has become bad, etc., just often the picture of "the family as it should" does not coincide with the "real family". This does not mean that the second option is worse, it just is not familiar. That's when “you have changed” and come to the fore.
What does this actually mean?
Our fantasies of a partner and family create a subconscious sense of security for us. If everything is as we expect and our fantasies come true, then everything is fine and everything is stable with us. Therefore, sometimes it can be difficult with clients to debunk the fantasies about a partner, since this is a security threat. For example, “my husband is greedy,” but it is not known how to live with a non-greedy one.
And now, seeing that our fantasies do not fit into reality in any way, we begin to experience anxiety, and look for its cause. And “you have changed” is a great way to shift the blame onto your partner, and of course get them to act the way they need to to maintain their safety.
This also applies to sexual relations: “you don’t do what I want,” “you don’t look the way I want,” etc. = “You have changed”. Such a sadistic way to normalize your anxiety, including sexual.
What do you think about this?
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